(no subject)
Over the past couple of weeks I’ve tired of consumerism and planned to sell much of my DVD collection. A 100+ DVD collection is rarely warranted, especially in my case, where I end up watching about five of them in constant rotation, leaving the rest to collect dust upon the shelf. So selling them online seemed like a good idea. Selling large quantities of items, however, can be exhausting at times what with the organization, the pricing, and the shipping. I, however, have discovered a new option, one that requires little to no work from me: theft.
That’s right, folks. With one home invasion you can rid yourself of numerous expensive items, such as a computer monitor, an iPod, an MP3 player, three silver necklaces, luggage, bookbags, and, yes 105 DVDs. The act required no effort on my part. I simply attended school Monday morning, received a call Monday afternoon that my apartment door had been busted open, and all my shit personally taken from my bedroom.
Just to make sure the thuggery went as planned, Marc and I caught the shuttle home to see if anything had been left behind. The stealthy gentlepeople did their jobs thoroughly, however, and all was gone. They even redecorated my bedroom, tossing my clothes, bras, and personal belongings around, giving my room a “lived-in, messy” feel to it.
I should note that this service will not accommodate things of an intellectual nature, such as books. Anything that requires brain exercise will be left behind.
Also, it is customary to leave a banana and a bottle of Smirnoff for the “usurpers” to enjoy. Do not be offended if they leave banana peels and additional alcohol bottles lying around the apartment. These are parting gifts left especially for you.
I personally cannot recommend this service more. Those of you wishing to rid your personal space of some unneeded belongings could make it easier on yourselves by keeping your doors unlocked, but I find splintered wood and busted locks make for a more “rugged” look.