IT'S OVER!!!
Actually, now that I look at it, it seems like they're calling me an idiot. *shrugs* You can't reply but you can look and see if I'm crazy. Yeeesh.
Meanwhile, Silas and Cell Phone Bishop are not dead. I'm sad.
Chapter 100 presented to you in LOLCAT for your amusement.
Bishop: OhMGAWD U R hurt!
Silas: OhMGAWDS I be hurtin u I be horrible person!
Bishop: I be forgiving you. It be my fault.
Bishop: I be flashing back now, k'thanks.
*FLASH BACK*
Bishop: OH NOES! LIFE FALLING APART!!
Other people we don't care about: U BE SCREWED!
Bishop: OH NOES!
Stuff about Opus Dei we don't care about.
OPWDCA: We give you money k? Go away now.
Bishop: U be byin' me off?
OPWDCA: yes.
Bishop: STFU
Teacher: I Wants you.
Bishop: Yay?
*End Flashback
Silas: *goes to hospital* PORK PORK PORK!*
Bishop: U Must be prayin now.
Me: Why you not be dead yet? pleaz be with the dyin now kthanks.
Teh End.
And we're back to Langdon. He has the Cryptex. He has Teabag pointing a gun at him. What is he going to do?! He decides not to answer Teabag's demands. Instead he walks into the middle of the room. Teabag doesn't shoot him. (But we already knew that Teabag doesn't follow the good sense of the Evil Overlord's List) As he does so, Langdon thinks that Teabag wants him to hold the cryptex so that he can weigh the enormity of his decision. If I was Langdon I would have taken the cryptex and run. Because he's being held at gun point by a gimp. A gimp who will not shoot either of them. Instead Langdon thinks that the only way to get out of this is to solve the cryptex puzzle.
He thinks a lot and hurts his head. He looks out in the garden and I get sick.
Gazing out at the rustling trees of College Garden, Langdon sensed her [the goddess] playful presence. The signs were everywhere. Like a taunting silhouette emerging from the fog, the branches of Britain's oldest apple tree burgeoned with five petal blossoms, all glistening like Venus. The goddess was in the garden now. She was dancing in the rain, singing songs of the ages, peeking out from behind the bud-filled branches as if to remind Langdon that the fruit of knowledge was growing just beyond his reach.
Hey look, it's a Paolini moment. Yes. Let's completely stop the story and contemplate the scenery, because I know that's what I would do in that situation, instead of trying to you know... figure a way out? But that'd be silly.
Teabag meanwhile reminisces about how Brilliant He Is. No really. Sophie meanwhile does the typical HE won't open it for you you foul fiend you! No. Really. And then Langdon is all, I'll open it for you.
Sophie: U Be betraying me! NOES!
Langdon: U Be letting her go kthanks.
Teabag: U be giving me the key now.
Three of them: No U BE LISTNING TO ME!!
Sophie: STFU I BE TRUSTING U
Langdon: I BE SAVIN U!
Sophie: STFU!! GIVE ME THE RING THINGY!
Teabag: MINE BE AN EVIL LAUGH! MWAHAHA!!
Sophie: U be giving me the RING THINGY OR U BE SMASHING IT! IZ BE MINE! I SAY SO!
Langdon and Teabag: NOES!!
Sophie: YEZ!! U BE SHOOT ME FIRST BEFORE I GIVE RING THINGY To EVIL TEABAG!!
Teabag: K.
Langdon: NOES!! I Be SMASHING RING THINGY if u due.
Teabag: U be bluffin. U BE LYIN!
Langdon: Damn. Save The GRAIL SAVE THE world GIRL! I be givin u the RING THINGY now.
Teabag: Yay! =D
Langdon: I be lyin! *throws RING THINGY * Bai now!
Teabag: NOOOEESSSS!! *shoots randomly* *tries to capture RING THINGY* NOOEESS IT BE BROKEN!! CURSE YOU AND YOUR SUDDEN BUT INEVITABLE BETRAYAL!! o wait... it be opened? *GASP* It be spell APPLE!
Brown: *LAUGHS* I BE CLEVER!!
... I should probably stop now...
*wanders off and takes anti-manic meds*
*comes back*
Right so meanwhile Langdon and Sophie do NOT skedaddle now that Teabag is helpless without a gun on the ground. Instead Langdon taunts Teabag, by telling him that it was apple because it was an apple that caused the goddess to fall from grace and Newton had an apple fall on his head which should have been on his tomb. Bahdumb chink. *listens to the crickets* And then Langdon shows Teabag that he has the map.
And then enter Fache! Remember him? The police chief? Right. He's there. Snorting like a bull. There is lots of bull imagery here. I shan't bore you with it. Sophie wonders how they were found and Fache says that Teabag showed his id to the guards. Meanwhile Teabag is screaming about how the holy grail is in Langdon's pocket, which probably doesn't mean a damn thing to the police nor do they care. They just cart him off.
Um... meanwhile... Silas, who apparently has a lot of bullet holes in him and managed to carry the cell phone bishop to the hospital without much problem nor stay to get treated dies after going to a garden somewhere... um... ooookay now. Um... Right. I liked the death scene in the movie better. They didn't waste time going around not dying in the movie.
Teabag gets carted off and Fache is like he's nuts. Meanwhile Cell Phone Bishop survives! GASP! But is sad that Silas is dead. Fache gives Bishop money. Bishop says give it to the families of those Silas killed. Bobo meanwhile protects Fache's ass. But not with Lube. >.> SHUT UP I'M ALMOST DONE LET ME HAVE MY MOMENTS!!!
And then we go to Rosslyn Chapel in Scotland and there is shit about pagan symbols and on the rose line and shit. Langdon with Sophie go to said chapel. Blah, blah, they look around. I'm skimming. There's a lot of symbols in the chapel. Jewish Stars and masonic seals and crucifixes and masonic seals and shit. There's a star of David on the ground and Langdon is all like is secret symbol of stargazing priests and later adopted by Israelite kings.
Sophie is all I've been here before. Blah, blah, more coding stuff. Flashback with Sophie. Blah. Docent is all I've seen that box you carry before. And Docent's parents died in a car accident with grandpa and my sister. GASP this is Sophie's brother She has family and grandmother! *GASP* And she goes and remeets her grandmother and is happy. Yay. And Sophie is the holy grail. Yay. blah, I'm bored now. Langdon and Sophie kiss and promise to meet up again.
*snores*
And then Langdon realizes that the Grail's Body is hidden under the Lourve.
The end.
I'd summarize... but I want my grilled cheese sandwich. So, discuss amongst yourselves.
-----
*Cookies for those who can guess where that's from.
Meanwhile, Silas and Cell Phone Bishop are not dead. I'm sad.
Chapter 100 presented to you in LOLCAT for your amusement.
Bishop: OhMGAWD U R hurt!
Silas: OhMGAWDS I be hurtin u I be horrible person!
Bishop: I be forgiving you. It be my fault.
Bishop: I be flashing back now, k'thanks.
*FLASH BACK*
Bishop: OH NOES! LIFE FALLING APART!!
Other people we don't care about: U BE SCREWED!
Bishop: OH NOES!
Stuff about Opus Dei we don't care about.
OPWDCA: We give you money k? Go away now.
Bishop: U be byin' me off?
OPWDCA: yes.
Bishop: STFU
Teacher: I Wants you.
Bishop: Yay?
*End Flashback
Silas: *goes to hospital* PORK PORK PORK!*
Bishop: U Must be prayin now.
Me: Why you not be dead yet? pleaz be with the dyin now kthanks.
Teh End.
And we're back to Langdon. He has the Cryptex. He has Teabag pointing a gun at him. What is he going to do?! He decides not to answer Teabag's demands. Instead he walks into the middle of the room. Teabag doesn't shoot him. (But we already knew that Teabag doesn't follow the good sense of the Evil Overlord's List) As he does so, Langdon thinks that Teabag wants him to hold the cryptex so that he can weigh the enormity of his decision. If I was Langdon I would have taken the cryptex and run. Because he's being held at gun point by a gimp. A gimp who will not shoot either of them. Instead Langdon thinks that the only way to get out of this is to solve the cryptex puzzle.
He thinks a lot and hurts his head. He looks out in the garden and I get sick.
Gazing out at the rustling trees of College Garden, Langdon sensed her [the goddess] playful presence. The signs were everywhere. Like a taunting silhouette emerging from the fog, the branches of Britain's oldest apple tree burgeoned with five petal blossoms, all glistening like Venus. The goddess was in the garden now. She was dancing in the rain, singing songs of the ages, peeking out from behind the bud-filled branches as if to remind Langdon that the fruit of knowledge was growing just beyond his reach.
Hey look, it's a Paolini moment. Yes. Let's completely stop the story and contemplate the scenery, because I know that's what I would do in that situation, instead of trying to you know... figure a way out? But that'd be silly.
Teabag meanwhile reminisces about how Brilliant He Is. No really. Sophie meanwhile does the typical HE won't open it for you you foul fiend you! No. Really. And then Langdon is all, I'll open it for you.
Sophie: U Be betraying me! NOES!
Langdon: U Be letting her go kthanks.
Teabag: U be giving me the key now.
Three of them: No U BE LISTNING TO ME!!
Sophie: STFU I BE TRUSTING U
Langdon: I BE SAVIN U!
Sophie: STFU!! GIVE ME THE RING THINGY!
Teabag: MINE BE AN EVIL LAUGH! MWAHAHA!!
Sophie: U be giving me the RING THINGY OR U BE SMASHING IT! IZ BE MINE! I SAY SO!
Langdon and Teabag: NOES!!
Sophie: YEZ!! U BE SHOOT ME FIRST BEFORE I GIVE RING THINGY To EVIL TEABAG!!
Teabag: K.
Langdon: NOES!! I Be SMASHING RING THINGY if u due.
Teabag: U be bluffin. U BE LYIN!
Langdon: Damn. Save The GRAIL SAVE THE world GIRL! I be givin u the RING THINGY now.
Teabag: Yay! =D
Langdon: I be lyin! *throws RING THINGY * Bai now!
Teabag: NOOOEESSSS!! *shoots randomly* *tries to capture RING THINGY* NOOEESS IT BE BROKEN!! CURSE YOU AND YOUR SUDDEN BUT INEVITABLE BETRAYAL!! o wait... it be opened? *GASP* It be spell APPLE!
Brown: *LAUGHS* I BE CLEVER!!
... I should probably stop now...
*wanders off and takes anti-manic meds*
*comes back*
Right so meanwhile Langdon and Sophie do NOT skedaddle now that Teabag is helpless without a gun on the ground. Instead Langdon taunts Teabag, by telling him that it was apple because it was an apple that caused the goddess to fall from grace and Newton had an apple fall on his head which should have been on his tomb. Bahdumb chink. *listens to the crickets* And then Langdon shows Teabag that he has the map.
And then enter Fache! Remember him? The police chief? Right. He's there. Snorting like a bull. There is lots of bull imagery here. I shan't bore you with it. Sophie wonders how they were found and Fache says that Teabag showed his id to the guards. Meanwhile Teabag is screaming about how the holy grail is in Langdon's pocket, which probably doesn't mean a damn thing to the police nor do they care. They just cart him off.
Um... meanwhile... Silas, who apparently has a lot of bullet holes in him and managed to carry the cell phone bishop to the hospital without much problem nor stay to get treated dies after going to a garden somewhere... um... ooookay now. Um... Right. I liked the death scene in the movie better. They didn't waste time going around not dying in the movie.
Teabag gets carted off and Fache is like he's nuts. Meanwhile Cell Phone Bishop survives! GASP! But is sad that Silas is dead. Fache gives Bishop money. Bishop says give it to the families of those Silas killed. Bobo meanwhile protects Fache's ass. But not with Lube. >.> SHUT UP I'M ALMOST DONE LET ME HAVE MY MOMENTS!!!
And then we go to Rosslyn Chapel in Scotland and there is shit about pagan symbols and on the rose line and shit. Langdon with Sophie go to said chapel. Blah, blah, they look around. I'm skimming. There's a lot of symbols in the chapel. Jewish Stars and masonic seals and crucifixes and masonic seals and shit. There's a star of David on the ground and Langdon is all like is secret symbol of stargazing priests and later adopted by Israelite kings.
Sophie is all I've been here before. Blah, blah, more coding stuff. Flashback with Sophie. Blah. Docent is all I've seen that box you carry before. And Docent's parents died in a car accident with grandpa and my sister. GASP this is Sophie's brother She has family and grandmother! *GASP* And she goes and remeets her grandmother and is happy. Yay. And Sophie is the holy grail. Yay. blah, I'm bored now. Langdon and Sophie kiss and promise to meet up again.
*snores*
And then Langdon realizes that the Grail's Body is hidden under the Lourve.
The end.
I'd summarize... but I want my grilled cheese sandwich. So, discuss amongst yourselves.
-----
*Cookies for those who can guess where that's from.