Subaru birthday post Part III: one-shot fanfic
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He struggled to fight back the tears gathering on the corners of his eyelids as he forced his hand down on the table. He could feel his teeth grinding against each other, creating a sound that clashed against the sharp buzzing sound right in front of him. He opened his eyes a little wider, his body working through the sharp pricks of pain he could feel on his skin, forming a pattern of ink in the shape of a skull. The images floating in front of his eyes were a little blurry; he could hardly make out what was going on around him. All he could sense at this moment was the symbol of his pain, his anguish, and his dark past being etched permanently on his right hand. He closed his eyes, with the sharp buzzing sound continuing in front of him.
He opened his eyes and winced at the sudden harsh light surrounding him. The area around the small pool of light is dark, save for a few penlights dancing around in the distance. He could hear the distant chant of his name repeated over and over. The energy was building up around him, rushing into his body, making his veins pulse with excitement. He could feel the wooden boards of the stage below his feet. The opening chords to his solo started playing, enveloping him in a melancholic melody. He lifted his right hand to his microphone, concealed by a tight fingerless glove, and began to sing.
As he sang, he was immersed in the moment, and nothing was around him except for him and his music. He sang about pain, anguish, about being neglected, forgotten, misunderstood. He sang about the times when he thought he was about to give up, when the darkness fell upon him, suffocating him. He sang about the times when he felt alone and had nowhere to go. He sang about that constant reminder, hidden from view, but still ever a part of him.
He settled back into reality as upbeat music started playing for the next set, and the reminders of this pain were temporarily forgotten as he moved on to the next song.
The curtain fell for the last time that night as the crowd screamed as loud as ever. The lights came on backstage and they congratulated each other on a great performance, the backstage workers chatting about the technical aspects of the production. The loud buzz of chatter is unnoticed by him as he walked back to his dressing room, deep in thought. He changed his clothes, still thinking about his solo performance and the words he chose to be in that song. Others may have talked to him, and he may have answered back, but he only thought about his song. He peeled off his glove and looked down at the skull on his hand.
He scratched the bandage on his right hand, the new tattoo still burning itself into him. He had a brief flash of hesitation, whether what he did was appropriate, but then that feeling was replaced by feelings of anger towards himself, the situation he was in, and the people who put him there. He felt like he had only one passion - singing - and that someone was trying to steal that passion away from him. He felt like nobody cared about him or what he did, and the anger kept building inside of him. Soon, the pain on his hand was overwhelmed by the pain he felt in his heart.
He snapped out of his thoughts by someone bumping into a table nearby him. He suddenly remembered that he had to rush out to the tour bus before getting attacked by a barrage of fans. He stopped for a second and read a little message that was addressed to him that was written on the bus. “You are my inspiration.” No name was left behind. He felt a hand push him onto the bus before the atmosphere got really hectic. He walked onto the bus greeted by his favorite people. He could feel the warm atmosphere enveloping him as soon as he got on board, and the thoughts about his past vanished. He thought about that little message written to him- to the fan who looked up to him for courage, and about the people in front of him who have gone through so much with him, who fought so hard together with him to get where they are at now, and who with any of them he can entrust his life with. For the first time that day since he started thinking about his past he smiled a genuine smile, and felt so lucky to be in a place where he truly belonged.
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Thanks for whoever reads this! Can you guess which solo this is based on...? It's a solo that I've been thinking a lot about lately and the only song I've memorized the lyrics to so far ;) I keep rereading it and it looks worse and worse everytime... so gomen if you didn't enjoy it >_<;;
...I also wanted to state that I don't know exactly what goes on behind the scenes as the curtain drops. I'm just drawing on my personal experience in theater and dance and also from what I've seen on the concert DVDs. I could be completely wrong, this is just speculation. Same thing with the tour bus part, this is all just guessing.
And now I want to talk about how I feel about Subaru (wow I made this post really choppy). The fan who I wrote as saying that Subaru's her inspiration-- it's just a little message from me. I feel like Subaru is such a symbol of strength, integrity, and passion. He also is a creative inspiration because I haven't written a creative writing piece since high school, and somehow Subaru lured me back into it. He also makes me want to write poems and song lyrics again! To me, he IS Eito. He represents the group, and his life is dedicated to this group and its music. He had so many things going against him, and seeing him make it through the woods and up on top just makes me so sublimely happy. I can always look to Subaru's music to heal me, warm my soul, and make me think. Not too many musical artists can do that. I have a music folder just with Subaru's solos, and his songs never fail to wrap me up in his emotion and passion. I just can't emphasize enough how wonderful I think he is. He also has weaknesses, which I feel makes it wonderful, because it shows that he's just a regular human being. He may have social awkwardness amongst strangers, but when you see him in interviews with Eito you can just see him light up. I love seeing him so happy and also a little boke ;) I also love it when he gets angry for random reasons. Matsumoto Jun may have initially made me pay notice to JE, but Subaru (and Toma) are the ones who made me truly interested and invested.
Arigatou, Subaru, for simply existing. You are such an amazing person and I truly wish you all of the success and happiness you deserve (and even more) in the future.
Part I: Astrology
Part II: Subaru picspam!!