'Cause I'm so damn easily amused...
You know someone who's been struck by lightning (Yeah, and I think he'd gotten struck twice...?)- You're more scared of the freaks who live down the street than gators (Oh yeah, and at both ends)
- Your backyard is sometimes a swamp (Not ours, thanksfully, but people who live by the woods do after some rains)
- You're officially sick of Disney (... or you just don't really give a damn about it)
- You shrug off hurricane warnings (... and evacuation warnings you consider for about 2 minutes before shrugging)
- There are only two seasons - hot and hotter (I believe in humid and hot & cold and dry)
- It's not called a shopping cart, it's a buggy. (Wow, never realized this, but it's true)
- "Down South" means Key West (and that's where you go when you want to get totally trashed and fucked up, not for vacation)
- "Panhandling" means going to Pensacola. (hehehe... oh, but so beautiful!)
- You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive. (either that, or have stricter driving tests... you don't know how disconcerting it is to see a 69 year-old biddy who looks at the road through the steering wheel)
- You wait with anticipation for the beginning of crawfish season. (that's not Florida, that's Louisiana)
- Flip-flops are everyday wear and you own at least five pairs. (... and I believe I own 4 just here, and 6 if you count sandals...)
- Shoes are for business meetings and church. (:))
- Crackers are people proudly "born and bred" here. (... and a small history lesson can be found below)
- Rednecks have cars on cinder blocks, live in trailer parks and are named Bobby Jo or Bubba. (You have no idea how many times I've been called "Tammy Jo" or "Tammy Ann", and if I try to correct them, I get this look of offense as if I or my parents have disgraced the name of "Tammy")
- An alligator once walked through your neighborhood. (what do you mean, "once"? Every summer we end up with a small 4-5ft gator in our "lake" (aka the "frog pond") behind my house)
- You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip or cruise to Florida. (Hahahahaha... too true)
- You measure distance in minutes. (yup... doesn't everyone do this?)
- You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt. (Seriously, I had never owned a sweatshirt until I came here... and now I have 5 :-\)
- You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls. (Damn fuckers)
- All the local festivals are named after a fruit. (*snerk* Toooooo true)
- A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level. (and that's a place you take the kids to for one of those "educational" day out)
- You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent. (yup... though Orlando is rapidly becoming Northern then)
- You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer, not summer but really hot, and Christmas. ("not summer but really hot" = "HOT")
- It's not soda, cola, or pop...it's coke, regardless of brand or flavor, "What kinda coke you want?" (... and you're happy with whatever you get, cause the waitress will give you an "excuse me?" look if you won't drink either or)
- Anything under 95° is just warm. (Yup! That's why I had no sympathy for Salemers who complained of 98 degree heat... at least yours is dry!))
- "D'jalleet" means "Did ya'll eat?" ("ya'll" is not required, but "ya" is)
- You've hosted a hurricane party. (not personally, but know people who have)
- You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the best rides. (I have Universal Studios Islands of Adventure down pat, which is kinda sad in a way)
- You pass on the right and honk at the elderly. (yeah, but they don't really get too aggitated anymore, so it's not as much fun)
- You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches. (... them and fire ants and crab grass)
- You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee and Withlacoochee. (I can, and Echolahatchee)
- You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself. (Bwahahahaa! Oh yeah I do)
- Bumperstickers on the pickup in front of you include: various fish, NRA, and a confederate flag. (and the driver is usually wearing some form of camo gear at the same time)
- You were 8 before you realized they made houses without pools. (nah, it wasn't until 8 that I realized that some people didn't have screens over their pools)
- You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn't swim. (... and also a person who had never left the state before)
- "Fixinto" is one word, "I'm fixinto go to the store." (not necessarily the store, but whatever you're "fixinto" do)
- Breakfast might include grits, biscuits n' gravy, or country fried steak. (... not for me, thank you)
- You get angry when people say "Florida isn't really part of the SOUTH" (not angry per say, but definately annoyed as every single one of my west coast friends have said that to me if I get confused when they talk of the "east coast" (which translates into "New England", peopel!))
- You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas. (that only happened once, but it is usual to still be in shorts 2 weeks before Christmas (and on Christmas day it gets down to 45 degrees!))
- You know what the "stingray shuffle" is, and why it's important. (and to check for shark and rip warnings too)
.... And because I've noticed only my close friends shyly asking me what "cracker" really means, I've decided here to explain the term "cracker" - as much to the best of my knowledge - that it is actually not as deragatory as it may seem, but a normal term that has been turned into a deragatory term by misuse (which is the case for pretty much every offensive term out there). The word comes from old Florida (and other swampy states) cattle ranchers who used to let their cattle graze out in the wetlands. Since it was out in the swamps and marshes, dogs were useless to herd the cattle, so the ranchers on their horses would used really long and stout whips to make loud noises and scare the cattle to where they needed them. These "cracking whips" could be heard for miles all around, and so the ranchers became known as "crackers". However, as the cattle industry moved out into the mid-west, the old ranchers down south fell onto hard times, and unfortunately, became poor. Yet they still proudly called themselves "crackers", which may be why the term "cracker" has been given the present day meaning of "poor southern white trash".
So, on a lighter note, here's an oldy but a goody. :) Don't worry, comments are screened.
If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good, bad, or indifferent. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or moritified) about what people remember about you.
or
If you had me alone...
... locked up in your house for twenty-four hours and I had to do whatever you wanted me to, what would you do with me? All posts will be permanently screened because it's a secret (only I, and I alone can read them). Feel free to post annoymously if you'd like. Repost this in your LJ or don't. You might be surprised with the responses you get.