sad:(
Well this week and weekend sucked really bad first...the guy of my dreams and the only one for me...left me for his ex..which i HATE her!!plus i know i can never get him back and that scares me..my dad says that i should just let go and he will come back to me and the sad part is i know he wont..i love this boy with every ounce in my body and i*m going to try everything i can to make him feel the same like he did with me..i know i hurt you Stephen and i*m really sorry i did,i did care when you were hurting the first time you hurt me but i didn*t wanna show you because i thought hey!he hurt me why don*t i hurt him and i know that it was a stupid thing to do..but i did it because i thought if you could hurt me why couldn*t i hurt you.i will do anything for you to make it up to you if you let me spend the rest of my life trying to cause i will.i will do ANYTHING for you even if it*s just waiting and waiting and more waiting untill you make up your mind about everything that happen. i don*t think you will ever know how much i care and love and need you Stephen and i know no one else does cause they tell me to just forget you...one problem i can*t you*re everywhere i go to sleep seeing you dreaming about you i hear your voice i see your name everything...and it scares me because i know i lost the bestthing i*ll ever have and i*m never going to get him back no matter what i did.YOU WILL NEVER LOSE ME UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO BE GONE I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU,YOU ARE A PART OF ME AND I*M GOING TO TRY EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO MAKE YOU SEE THAT!I*M SORRY I HURT YOU I WANNA SPEND THE REST OF MY LIKE MAKING IT UP TO YOU,YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE FOR ME!i can never stop loving you even if i wanted to i try and tell myself that i hate you but it*s only making things hard because i*m lying to myself about everything.you are my everything and i*m not ever goign to leave you you can leave me if you want to..i know you never wanna be with me again because of what i did actually because of everything but i will NEVER hurt you and i will NEVER controll your life.everytime we talked i could kinda tell that you didn*t love me i mean you stayed with your friend for 8 days...obviously you needed time to your self and i never gave it to you.i mean everyone told me i need to you leave you even my bestfriend because i mean you left me why couldn*t i forget you...because i*m so madly deeply head over heels in love with you and that will NEVER change!I*M SURE IT HURTS YOU TO HAVE ME TALK TO YOU...WHAT ABOUT ME?IT HURTS ME HELLA MORE THEN IT HURTS YOU!!I LOVE YOU SO MUCH STEPHEN!!everytime we talked about getting married and having kids I LOVED IT!i felt safe whenever we talked i felt alive like nothing could ever go wrong i was comfortable around you and talking to you.you are my only one and i will wait as long as it takes you to figure out that i*m your only one too.deep down inside i know you miss me i know you still love me.and i know deep down inside me..i could never hate you for all the things that you have done to me i can only hate myself for ever making it so you have to hurt me and for hurting you so badly.you mean the whole wide world to me and i wanna be with you forever and nothing you could say or do could make me change my mind.i*m always going to be with you no matter what just like you*re always going to be a part of me because i have already gave my heart and soul and body to you and i will never want to give it to someone else.i might date other people and i might say i love you to them,but i will NEVER love anyone as much as i love you and no one can ever replace you or compare to you.i just want you to know that.i*m always going to be here for you no matter what and i love you and care about you so much!!i see you everywhere in my dreams in my mind...i hear your voice everywhere...when i talk to people they all know when i don*t talk back that i*m thinking of you...they know how hard it is for me....Jordan is upset because he is still in love with me and i*m in love with you and he hates you because of what you did to me but no one understands that i did it first i*m the one who made you do this to me..i*m the one who broke your heart in the first place.Thank you for telling me that one thing i wont say what it is on here...but it meant alot to me that you believed in me enough to tell me something so important to you that you wouldn*t tell anyone else.i love you and i miss you so much!i need you to be with me!!.i regret everything i did to you.!sometimes my memory slips and i forget things but i will NEVER forget you.my feelings are so strong in me for you i feel it!.you*ll always be the one for me.i*ll always be thinking of you.i*m ready to love you with every ounce of my body and i hope that we can over come this and start all over!takingdeep breaths and babysteps and get more in love with each other then two people can every love each other before.i know that it will take time and i*m ready to take all the time we need untill we get back like we were and love and care for each other soo much!.i never thanked you for making me the happiest girl in the whole wide world so thank you so very much Stephen Lavon Jordan!i never wanna stop loving you!if i ever make you cry there*s nothing i wont do to make things right!.i*m not really perfect but if you give me another chance i will do anything for you!!i need to be with you Stephen.no one makes me feel the way you do and no one could ever.