Alas, my weekend is over in fifteen minutes
I can revel in the fact that it was pretty sucessful.
Definately better then the week from hell that proceeded it.
After last week I felt like undergoing a two week long sleep cure (anyone who doesn't know what that is might need to read valley of the dolls).
It pretty much sucked in all regards such as my time spent hungry and tired at work, my time spent fighting my fat and loosing (as usual), my time spent dileriously doing my homework because I got home after nine every single day of the week, and probably worst of all my time spent at late nights.
As usual I felt like I was wasting my time at late nights, however this time I attempted to remedy this unsuccessfully by being absolutley useless. To this day I don't know if I care that I was absolutley useless and deserve to be slapped on the wrist and told "Bad Bad Bad". I mean I talked with it briefly with Stephanie and could tell she was secretly mad at me but tried to avoid seeming so because we are friends. I also unconciously started avoiding most newspaper people because I decided to be paranoid and think that they must pretty much think I suck. To them I say "Ehh" but not sorry because if they must know it is not fun to be the editor only by name.
It is pretty much the worst position of leadership ever. What happens is no one sees that sometimes you acutally put a lot of work into things behind the scenes. I don't talk the talk and walk the walk, pardon my expression, so there is scant acknowledgement of me. And I don't really want acknolwedgement. However, the other thing I don't want is what I get. What people do is make it so fucking obvious that they respect stephanie so much more then me and think i am a stupid idot. Thanks guys, as if I didn't feel like an idiot already throughout my entire high school career. I wish I could just publically announce that I am shit at doing spreads and it is probably not worth anyone's time to ask me about that but I am not totally incompetant and perhaps I could help someone. For instance a lot of people on our staff are scared as hell to go and talk to anyone that isnt their best friend and i personally don't have that problem. I also have the ability to write myself (not far) but out of a paper bag perhaps, and perhaps I could also manage my way out of a bag by interviewing. But I'm pretty much in a rut because I know no one likes/respects me already so I don't really want to try. Yes I know I am negative and It will get me no where in life. Please Refrain from telling me what I already know and leave me to enjoy my failure and feeling of worthlessness. Yay, three months.
Good thing that my weekend finally happened!
I was so happy to hang out with Alethea. I love her, and feel terrible that I feel I haven't always been the most attentive friend. She is brilliant and just really fun to be around so even though I ended up seeing lots of annoying people downtown all was fun indeed.
Saturday was Epic for two reasons
1. It was my first saturday off for three weeks! Yaya I slept till ten
2. I bought more stuff for myself then I had in a million years..by me I mean my mom bought it
yay for new things...materialism melts my cold plastique heart!!
yay for gloves, and sweaters, and schizophrenic afghans (my mother is taking me moving to NY very seriously), and rediculously cool giant red belts, yay for layering tank tops and happy dresses for spring, and at least five million yays for the most amazing things in the world my boots that i bought!!! Just goes to show you that persistence is the way to 184 dollars worth of amazingness. My boots are better than yours. I am in love with my booted feet and they make everything look better. I want it to get hot so i can wear them with my dresses.
Saturday night was a failed attempt at yerba mate, a sucessfull attempt at competitive snuggling, the aquisition of a rugged wearhouse clash tshirt (that i will win by wrestling charlie), it was also a sucessful night for getting scared of the Zodiac and Charlie. Yes and my decision that charlie is an excellent movie companion even though he salts his popcorn.
Today was less epic but i did CLEAN MY ROOM. Wowo it feels amazing. I take comfort in the fact that it won't be hard gettign used to a dorm b/c of how little my room is (and has always) been since i was five which is when I had my biggest room to date...it was probably at least three of my current rooms. Thanks dad. I love divorce and poverty...I kid.
I moved my computer back up here from the kitchen where it was tricking me into consuming too much evil devil food.
I woke up really early today to be ambitious but took a three or four hour nap today after the ambition wore off and my room was clean.
I also visited Sarah Reeves' Grandpa at Our Lady of Peace. For someone with like three kinds of cancer he is looking pretty good. However I can hardly hear him speak because he has thoat cancer. It was a major smoking deterrent. To think, Me not being able to speak.
Then I got coffee and Now I can't go to sleep or do my homework because my homework is to read and I know as soon as I start I will fall asleep. I really am not liking For Whom the Bell Tolls as much as any other Hemmingway. But I must obey the will of Senor MacDonald.
I need to stop this incessant Livejournalfacebook madness.
Gargle. Its currently monday, wish me luck..god I get so nervious and pissed everyday I have to go to school. I don't think that is healthy.
Definately better then the week from hell that proceeded it.
After last week I felt like undergoing a two week long sleep cure (anyone who doesn't know what that is might need to read valley of the dolls).
It pretty much sucked in all regards such as my time spent hungry and tired at work, my time spent fighting my fat and loosing (as usual), my time spent dileriously doing my homework because I got home after nine every single day of the week, and probably worst of all my time spent at late nights.
As usual I felt like I was wasting my time at late nights, however this time I attempted to remedy this unsuccessfully by being absolutley useless. To this day I don't know if I care that I was absolutley useless and deserve to be slapped on the wrist and told "Bad Bad Bad". I mean I talked with it briefly with Stephanie and could tell she was secretly mad at me but tried to avoid seeming so because we are friends. I also unconciously started avoiding most newspaper people because I decided to be paranoid and think that they must pretty much think I suck. To them I say "Ehh" but not sorry because if they must know it is not fun to be the editor only by name.
It is pretty much the worst position of leadership ever. What happens is no one sees that sometimes you acutally put a lot of work into things behind the scenes. I don't talk the talk and walk the walk, pardon my expression, so there is scant acknowledgement of me. And I don't really want acknolwedgement. However, the other thing I don't want is what I get. What people do is make it so fucking obvious that they respect stephanie so much more then me and think i am a stupid idot. Thanks guys, as if I didn't feel like an idiot already throughout my entire high school career. I wish I could just publically announce that I am shit at doing spreads and it is probably not worth anyone's time to ask me about that but I am not totally incompetant and perhaps I could help someone. For instance a lot of people on our staff are scared as hell to go and talk to anyone that isnt their best friend and i personally don't have that problem. I also have the ability to write myself (not far) but out of a paper bag perhaps, and perhaps I could also manage my way out of a bag by interviewing. But I'm pretty much in a rut because I know no one likes/respects me already so I don't really want to try. Yes I know I am negative and It will get me no where in life. Please Refrain from telling me what I already know and leave me to enjoy my failure and feeling of worthlessness. Yay, three months.
Good thing that my weekend finally happened!
I was so happy to hang out with Alethea. I love her, and feel terrible that I feel I haven't always been the most attentive friend. She is brilliant and just really fun to be around so even though I ended up seeing lots of annoying people downtown all was fun indeed.
Saturday was Epic for two reasons
1. It was my first saturday off for three weeks! Yaya I slept till ten
2. I bought more stuff for myself then I had in a million years..by me I mean my mom bought it
yay for new things...materialism melts my cold plastique heart!!
yay for gloves, and sweaters, and schizophrenic afghans (my mother is taking me moving to NY very seriously), and rediculously cool giant red belts, yay for layering tank tops and happy dresses for spring, and at least five million yays for the most amazing things in the world my boots that i bought!!! Just goes to show you that persistence is the way to 184 dollars worth of amazingness. My boots are better than yours. I am in love with my booted feet and they make everything look better. I want it to get hot so i can wear them with my dresses.
Saturday night was a failed attempt at yerba mate, a sucessfull attempt at competitive snuggling, the aquisition of a rugged wearhouse clash tshirt (that i will win by wrestling charlie), it was also a sucessful night for getting scared of the Zodiac and Charlie. Yes and my decision that charlie is an excellent movie companion even though he salts his popcorn.
Today was less epic but i did CLEAN MY ROOM. Wowo it feels amazing. I take comfort in the fact that it won't be hard gettign used to a dorm b/c of how little my room is (and has always) been since i was five which is when I had my biggest room to date...it was probably at least three of my current rooms. Thanks dad. I love divorce and poverty...I kid.
I moved my computer back up here from the kitchen where it was tricking me into consuming too much evil devil food.
I woke up really early today to be ambitious but took a three or four hour nap today after the ambition wore off and my room was clean.
I also visited Sarah Reeves' Grandpa at Our Lady of Peace. For someone with like three kinds of cancer he is looking pretty good. However I can hardly hear him speak because he has thoat cancer. It was a major smoking deterrent. To think, Me not being able to speak.
Then I got coffee and Now I can't go to sleep or do my homework because my homework is to read and I know as soon as I start I will fall asleep. I really am not liking For Whom the Bell Tolls as much as any other Hemmingway. But I must obey the will of Senor MacDonald.
I need to stop this incessant Livejournalfacebook madness.
Gargle. Its currently monday, wish me luck..god I get so nervious and pissed everyday I have to go to school. I don't think that is healthy.