(no subject)
Why is it that I feel so shit. There just feels like there is something missing, I'm lacking something that should make me feel a lot better. I have a job, fair enough it isn't the best job in the world; it comes with a lot of stress from the customers and the people that I work with. But I only have to do it for 4 hours a day so I really can't complain. It doesn't pay well, ok hourly rate is pretty awesome, just not enough hours.
I have Dave. Fair enough, 5/7 days I don't get to wake up with him or listen to him breathing as he falls to sleep, the faint pulse of his heart beating under my hand as I cuddle him. Yeah pretty soppy but its nice to hear and feel that he's there. He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel like ... like I should feel. When we're together its just me and him. As it should be.
Fair enough, we're never alone for more than 10mins. But when we finally are its different. Hopefully it will be a lot better when we're married, although I've a funny feeling that his mum and dad are still going to have a problem with us in the same room to be honest. Be better if we had our own house, but hopefully I can turn this one into ours. Make it more homely and comfortable. Run it how we want to and have our own rules rather than having to have ours and theirs. Constantly have to swap our behaviour patterns so that we don't offend. Feeling like whatever we've done has been wasted.
I just hate cleaning the house and them still coming back and looking for mess. Not looking for whats been done but whats NOT been done or not been done to standard. Having the atmosphere going from laid back to being 'attention'.
Despite all that everything at the moment it going well. So why the fuck do I feel like theres something missing, like I've lost a leg or an arm. I can't think what it could be but I'm wanting something....
I have Dave. Fair enough, 5/7 days I don't get to wake up with him or listen to him breathing as he falls to sleep, the faint pulse of his heart beating under my hand as I cuddle him. Yeah pretty soppy but its nice to hear and feel that he's there. He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel like ... like I should feel. When we're together its just me and him. As it should be.
Fair enough, we're never alone for more than 10mins. But when we finally are its different. Hopefully it will be a lot better when we're married, although I've a funny feeling that his mum and dad are still going to have a problem with us in the same room to be honest. Be better if we had our own house, but hopefully I can turn this one into ours. Make it more homely and comfortable. Run it how we want to and have our own rules rather than having to have ours and theirs. Constantly have to swap our behaviour patterns so that we don't offend. Feeling like whatever we've done has been wasted.
I just hate cleaning the house and them still coming back and looking for mess. Not looking for whats been done but whats NOT been done or not been done to standard. Having the atmosphere going from laid back to being 'attention'.
Despite all that everything at the moment it going well. So why the fuck do I feel like theres something missing, like I've lost a leg or an arm. I can't think what it could be but I'm wanting something....