What is the answer?
So I found out that I was the problem, the cause of everything. My lack of sexual desire has caused a big sting on our relationship. I used to think it was the weight gain, but I just realized that it was because if the way she treated me...I remember now, there was a time when I was nothing but sweet to her, and everything was I Love you and I miss you, and she was going through that anger/my meds aint working spell and I got sick of it and finally cut my feelings off. Well right now, I am about to start raggin, and I get all emotional and easily upset but all lovey dovey and she fuckin takes it out on me because she is behind in school and finals are a couple of weeks from now. I never understood it, but just so some one in my past knows...everything I did to you it's coming back on me....and I never said it but I am sorry! I didnt mean to come home from work stressed and start a fight. I have like a million and one thoughts going through my mind, and who knows if anyone would give a fuck, I could say I'm gonna fucking jump off the liberty bridge tonight and no one would try to stop me. Thats cos I once had a life I once had friends, and I guess I got so caught up in things or people who were so materialistic, and if I try to talk to them now they wont give me the time of day, guess I'm not cool enough or whatever. But I guess what I am gettin at is right now...one part of my life is good but the other is going down hill and fast, but the problem is...is it finallly does end, then the part that is good will suddenly fuck up. No place to live, depression, gossip, and seeing her everyday. I asked her if she wanted an open thing and not cos I want to fuck other people hell sex is the last thing I want, but so that she can go off and fuck who ever and I wont have to worry about what she is doing and when her ex's call her and ask her to come hang out when I am not around (yeah shes got the BAAAD case of the ex, abut yet I ain't really allowed to talk to the woman that I spent two years of my life with). I told her that my car better not be used to hang out with other bitches too...if they wanna hang out then they can drive here to see her. I have a feeling that we will not last much longer though, she broke off the "engagement" and shes been acting really distant...like right after our enegagement was broke off she wanted me by her side always, and I loved it, but sometimes I needed my space, and then when I fall again and want to be near her she don't want nothing to do with me...I hate fucking games.. but I will say this, if it ends, then I am done...I will always be a lesbian and I will always see hot women and sometimes wonder what they would look like naked, but I am done with relationships, and I don't do one night stands, and love...the way I feel right now, it is just something to keep people occupied. I'm sure no one read this, and I am sure that I don't even matter anymore and there are a lot of what if's but I can't change a fucking thing I did or didnt do for that matter. I guess I am just weird right now and I am confused about alot and I dont know what to do, and its driving me crazy.