Possession, Ch. 1
Title: Possession
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray
Rating: Eventual R, but right now PG.
Disclaimer: So these girls belong to FOX, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, and Brad Falchuk.
Summary: Rachel Berry "chokes" at her NYADA audition, she feels like all that's left for her is to be Finn Hudson's wife. But a reassurance from Quinn Fabray makes her realize her feelings for the blonde and that she needs to keep fighting for her dreams. Set after 3x18. Faberry love.
A/N: This is my first time writing a Faberry fic, let alone a Glee fic, my beta thursday-drinks over on tumblr helped me edit this. I hope you all like it. The book that Quinn reads in it is, Possession by A. S. Byatt. And the songs used in it are Turning Page by Sleeping At Last and Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths.
FF.net Version
Possession
It was raining that day after school and Rachel just stood there staring out into the rain, she had sent Finn away so she could be alone with her thoughts to figure out where to go without NYADA. And also, because the doubt Quinn had planted with her speech of not marrying Finn became even more prominent. But isn't that all she had now? To be the wife of Finn Hudson? Or could there really be more than that? She was just so unsure of everything now, should she marry Finn, should she let him go, and what's she going to do now that she may never make it to her dreams?
All she could think of is that day in the bathroom when Quinn told her that she shouldn't marry Finn or when they tried on dresses for her wedding. Quinn stormed out then, still in her bridesmaid dress, she told her she was the brightest star out of all of them and that she should focus on her dreams. She knew then that there was more to Quinn Fabray then met the eye. She always knew there was more to her. But she was blinded by Finn. She had no more dreams of Broadway. And here she was drenched in rain, lost in thoughts of Quinn nonetheless. As if on autopilot she made her way to her car; she didn't quite make it.
"Rachel?"
She knew she heard her name being called, but it seemed so distant and she continued to travel further from that time and place.
"Rachel!"
She felt a strong yet feminine grasp on her shoulders shake her back to reality.
Without even blinking, she turned her gaze to look at the blond standing at her side, her hands still clasped on her shoulders.
"Quinn?"
She blinks and shakes her head.
"Sorry, I must've spaced. Did you need something?"
Licking her lips, Quinn gives her a weak smile. She's trying so hard to ignore the pounding of her heart, this giddy feeling.
"I could say the same for you. Are you ok?"
Searching Quinn's eyes as if maybe she could find what she was looking for in them she exhales a shuddering breath and a cry catches in her throat.
"Am I...ok? I don't know any more."
She then smiles sadly and looks to the ground.
That's when the blonde spontaneously slips her arms around the shoulders she'd been grasping and as soon as it happens it's over with; Rachel thanks her and runs out into the rain leaving Quinn standing there worried and concerned.
Rachel.
That's all Quinn could think about, how could she make her see? She should fight for her dreams.
As soon as she reached her car, Rachel stood frozen next to the driver door, letting the rain fall on her, hoping it could wash away her sadness and her shattered dreams of NYADA. She's so deep in thought she doesn't notice Quinn walking up behind her and spinning her around to grasp her once again in her arms. It feels that no matter how hard she tried she wouldn't be able to free herself from how firm she's being grasped. "Rachel…it's alright," just like that Rachel gives in and wraps her arms around Quinn's waist burying her face in her chest and let's herself cry.
She lets it all go, the disappointment in herself, the shame she feels for thinking she should ever give up on her dream and the guilt for making everyone worry so much. How is it that only Quinn Fabray could make all her worries and fears disappear just like that? How is it that she's here now being embraced by the HBIC instead of being slushied? When did all of this change? She feels an ache burn in her chest which only spurs her to clutch tighter to the blonde. Hearing Quinn of all people tell her that everything will be alright is enough to melt away that numbness she'd been feeling.
It's when that numbness is gone and she can feel again that the pain is all too evident and she is crying even more into that comforting chest. That doesn't seem to be moving any time soon. Her heart is racing now that she feels something else burning deep in her chest. Replacing that pain with something sweeter, or so it seems. If her enemy could become her friend, could believe in her dreams just as much as she could, if she could do that? Then maybe anything is possible. She could make it into NYADA. Quinn Fabray has instilled a drive in her she thought had died.
She's always pushing her to be more, to become more. But really haven't they both? All this time, even when the blonde was throwing insults at her. And as complicated as their new friendship may be, she realizes that perhaps maybe that sweet sensation in her chest could be affection? How could she have been so blinded by Finn and dreams of Broadway? All this time, she hadn't realized she'd been falling for the cheerleader. She just wanted her to be happy, because everyone deserves to be happy. Because wouldn't you wish happiness for your friends?
But it's much more than that now, she would give anything to make sure Quinn is always happy. Because with those three words, Quinn has given her everything. So she lets go of all that doubt all that worry.
Most of all she lets her sadness go and embraces the love she feels welling up inside of her. This love she didn't realize till now was the affection burning in her chest, that all this time she'd felt for Quinn Fabray. "I'm so sorry, Quinn," she sniffles and she clutches on tighter to her shirt. Quinn just smiles.
She feels that all she should do is keep apologizing to Quinn; she doesn't deserve to be comforted by her. The one event of Rachel failing at her NYADA audition has made her self-esteem so low she feels like apologizing to the whole world for her failure.
"We should really get out of this rain, wanna go for a drive?"
Quinn doesn't even wait for a reply as Rachel's grip falls away and Quinn ushers her around to her passenger side door
"Keys? I'll drive."
Rachel hands over her keys and wipes her soaked hair out of her eyes as Quinn unlocks her door and holds it open for her, she gives Quinn a sad smile and gets in. Quinn runs to the driver's side which Rachel has already unlocked and immediately starts the car and turns on the heater
"Quinn, I..."
A slender finger is pressed against her lips quieting her. Quinn blushes and puts her hands onto the steering wheel.
"Don't worry Rachel; your dreams are going to come true. I believe in you, we all do," she smiles, reverses, and puts the car into drive.
Rachel gasps, she's not sure what to say, "Quinn, I..." but she knows that there are no words she can say in this moment so she smiles and looks out the window.
It seems after a while that the silence they've been sitting in has slowly gotten more awkward, especially for Rachel; since the realization of her feelings for Quinn the butterflies in her stomach haven't stopped.
Clutching her hands in her lap, she gazes down with a slight blush across her face. How could she not have realized sooner? Perhaps all this time, striving to become her friend with so much effort it wasn't merely just trying to be friends with the pretty cheerleader. All she had ever wanted was to be accepted by her, she looked up to her; she was beautiful and popular; she was everything she felt she wasn't. But she knew what the pressures of teenage life and the strictness of one's parents and religion could do to a girl, so she always forgave Quinn for the harsh things she did to her. Who knows, maybe it's all in her head. But she knows what she feels in her heart, she's sure of that now. That what she felt for the girl was an unconditional love.
She's roused from her thoughts when she hears Quinn sigh as the girl looked at her watch and smirked.
"I guess I kind of got carried away with this drive, I got distracted by my thoughts. You tend to have that effect on me."
Quinn blushes at what's she just said and nervously licks her lips.
Rachel notices that it's starting to get dark out; she's practically wasted all of Quinn's day on her, "I'm sorry…for everything. I've completely wasted your day with my problems."
"It's really alright Rachel, where's that strong confidant diva at, huh? How about you sleep over at my house tonight? My mom is on a business trip so it's just me."
Without waiting for an answer Quinn turns the headlights on and changes her destination.
"I don't want to impose," Rachel smiles softly.
"You wouldn't be. I'd rather not be alone tonight, if that's ok with you? I know this seems weird, for me to ask you. I figure since we're friends now we could have a sleep over before we graduate."
She smiles reassuringly in Rachel's direction.
Let me just have this one night with you, Rach.
To hear that they're friends coming from Quinn Fabray's mouth has her heart fluttering, she's filled with reassurance, "Ok, let me call my dad's."
By the time they get to Quinn's house Rachel has been given complete permission by both her dads to sleep over, they're just glad that these two have gotten so close.
"If you want you can take a shower, you can borrow some of my clothes while I wash our soaked ones," Quinn offers.
"Thanks…Quinn," Rachel smirks.
Quinn smiles showing the way to her room and Rachel smiles meekly back at her following her upstairs.
Rachel had always wondered what Quinn's room would look like, she always assumed it was pink and girly but that's not at all what she finds. It's full of so much color and simply Quinn. It's not the typical high school girly girl; it's got a sophisticated grown woman's touch to it. It smells like vanilla and there's a warmth to it that Rachel wishes would envelope her all the time.
"I'll leave you some clothes on the bed for when you're done. I'll go make us some tea."
Quinn hands Rachel a towel and points her to the bathroom.
Rachel nervously takes the towel and smiles as she makes her way into the bathroom closing the door behind her. Rachel lets out a breath of air as if she's been holding it all this time. She decides to take a quick hot shower; it's already awkward enough being naked with Quinn so close.
It feels as though the hotness from the water thaws her out even more and makes her hyper aware of the burning love in her chest. She can feel the butterflies in the pit of her stomach. She feels herself start to cry and hangs her head under the water hoping that maybe if the water mixes with her tears she can lie to herself and tell her it's just water and not her crying.
She wipes the water from her eyes and realizes how pruney her fingers feel now; if she stays in any longer Quinn might start to worry so she shuts off the water and wraps herself in a towel. She feels so weak now, how frozen had she really been?
Cracking the door to the bathroom she finds herself alone. She discovers some neatly folded clothes, which Quinn has left for her. Smiling she begins to ceremoniously dress herself in Quinn's sweats and shirt, though plain, the feel of them against her skin is like heaven. She walks back into the bathroom and hangs her towel up on the wall next to the shower and grabs her wet clothes from the floor. Folding them she clutches them tightly to her chest as she makes her way down stairs.
It's quiet but she can hear a light humming from the kitchen. The slight aroma of sleepy time tea can be smelled. She smiles as she watches Quinn, her feet resting on the chair across from her and a book in her hand. She sips from a cup next to her.
"Quinn?"
Rachel hates to disturb the sight in front of her but she can't stare at her all night, that'd be creepy, right?
"Oh, Rachel, here you sit down while I throw your clothes in the wash."
Smiling, Quinn delicately takes Rachel's folded clothes from her grasp, "How about that tea?"
"That would be great, thank you," Rachel smiles.
She takes a seat in the chair that Quinn had been resting her feet in and smiles at the warmth that still lingers there.
She glances at the cover of the book Quinn was reading, Possession: A Romance, she's read that before. She didn't think Quinn read those types of books.
Quinn rushes Rachel's clothes to the washer, before tossing them in she runs a finger over the owl that adorns her argyle sweater.
Ugh, stop it Quinn Fabray, don't be creepy.
Quinn tosses the clothes in, starts it, and runs to make that cup of tea.
"Here you go, hope its ok."
Quinn sets down a cup of tea and takes her place in the chair she had been sitting in.
"I'm feeling much better, Quinn. Thanks for everything, again."
She takes a sip of tea and it turns her body to jelly.
"That's a good book."
She points to the book on the table as she takes another sip of tea.
"You know it? This is one of my favorite books, I've probably read it a hundred times, if not more," Quinn smiles and closes the book.
"For my true thoughts have spent more time in your company than in anyone else's, these last two or three months, and where my thoughts are, there am I, in truth."
Rachel quotes a passage from the book and so a smiling Quinn decides to quote her own.
"This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began. And when I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere."
"It really is a beautiful book. I'm glad someone else discovered it."
Rachel blushes pulling her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them.
"Me too, it is very beautiful."
Quinn stares at Rachel and then sips her tea.
They sit in silence staring at each other, as if so many words could be exchanged and yet there is none but that silence.
"Hungry?" Quinn finally asks.
"You know what? I am famished," Rachel smiles sipping her tea.
"I'll make us something to eat, don't worry, it'll be vegan friendly," Quinn grabs her cup and smiles as she begins making dinner for the two of them.
Rachel hums with her eyes closed as Quinn prepares dinner. She feels like all the pain she had been going through was only a vague memory. Quinn had always been the one to cause such pain and now she had taken it away. She sipped her tea until it was gone.
Quinn can't help but feel lulled to happiness by just Rachel's humming. If she wasn't paying so much attention to the boiling water in front of her she'd be falling asleep with the content feeling that comes with Rachel's voice.
Finally food prepared, she grabs the two plates.
"Here you go, I've been craving pasta all day, hope you don't mind?"
Quinn smiles wearily placing a plate in front of Rachel.
"That's fine, it's great, thanks Quinn," grinning Rachel places her feet on the ground.
"I'm not much of a cook but when my mom is gone I usually have to fend for myself," Quinn sits grabbing her fork.
"If I ever thought for one minute that I'd be sleeping over at your house, eating a meal prepared by one Miss Quinn Fabray I'd think I'd gone to heaven," Rachel blurts out blushing.
Quinn blushes too.
"Well, don't get used to it and don't let Santana and Brittany know. I'll never hear the end of it, I've never cooked for them before," she nervously giggles.
"Don't worry it'll be our little secret. One of many I hope. I'll return the favor someday and I'll make you dinner," she takes a bite and they start eating and talking about their favorite parts of the book Quinn has been reading.
It's 10P.M. when they realize how long they've been talking. Rachel doesn't think they've talked so long like that before and it's making her feel giddy.
Quinn does the dishes while Rachel flips through the book. Once Quinn is done the two make it up back to the bedroom. Quinn puts on a light mix of music, as they settle down for the night. The song, "Turning Page" by Sleeping At Last pops on and Rachel hums along.
I've waited a hundred years
But I'd wait a million more for you
Nothing prepared me for
What the privilege of being yours would do.
Quinn smiles over the book in her hands.
"You know, Rachel you have nothing to worry about. You'll make it into NYADA and Broadway will see something they've never seen before. You didn't put us all through those speeches about how you're going to be a star for nothing. You never stopped believing in yourself, even when no one else did. So don't give up now, we all believe in you...I believe in you." Quinn breathes in shakily as she realizes she's rambling.
If I had only felt the warmth within your touch
If I had only seen how you smile when you blush
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough
Well, I would have known
What I was living for all along
What I've been living for.
Rachel's sitting at the window seat across the room, she stops humming with shock at the words that have just made their way out of Quinn Fabray's mouth. To hear that, of all things, come from her mouth. Though she's been saying that all day, but it's not till now that it really sinks in. It seems to be all she's longed to hear and her heart explodes with so much love that she starts to cry.
"Thank you for believing in me, Quinn; you don't know what that means to me."
Your love is my turning page
Where only the sweetest words remain
Every kiss is a cursive line
Every touch is a redefining phrase
"You don't need to cry, Rachel, I'm just speaking the truth. Which you know I have no problem doing," Quinn adds with a smirk as she sets her book down next to her.
I surrender who I've been for who you are
For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours
Well, I would have known
What I've been living for all along
What I've been living for
Rachel wipes her tears away
"I know, I'm just so happy, Quinn. Being your friend is so much more then I hoped it would be."
Though we're tethered, to the story we must tell
When I saw you, well I knew we'd tell it well
With the whisper, we will tame the vicious scenes
Like a feather, bringing kingdoms to their knees.
Quinn blushes, "No need to get mushy on me now, Berry. How about we go to bed? It's late and I think we could both use some sleep."
Quinn stands and turns down her covers. Rachel's shocked.
"You want me to share your bed?"
"It's really not a big deal Rachel, Santana and Brittany do it all the time. Of course, now I try to avoid sharing a bed with them because they just ended up making out right next to me," Quinn smirks and throws a pillow at Rachel.
The fact that Quinn is treating her like Santana and Brittany now means so much to her and yet in a way breaks her heart, friends.
"Oh, ok," Rachel wipes the rest of her tears away and stands clutching the pillow to her chest as if it's a life preserver.
Rachel gets in as Quinn lays her book on her night stand and turns off the lights.
"I never thanked you for always believing in me Rachel. When it felt like I had no one you were always there for me, even when I treated you so horribly. So thank you Rachel, I'm sorry we didn't become friends sooner and I'm sorry for all the things I put you through."
Quinn slides in next to Rachel and breathes out a sigh of relief that she can finally tell Rachel how she really feels. The next thing Quinn realizes is Rachel throwing herself onto her, hugging her tightly.
"You're my best friend, Quinn," Rachel cries.
"Whoa, calm down."
Friends?
Quinn freezes at the thought and after a moment relaxes as she begins petting Rachel's head, she can feel the warmth of Rachel's tears begin to soak through her shirt.
"I forgive you, Quinn."
Rachel buries her head further into Quinn's chest hiding her gaze with the rawness of her forgiveness.
As if being vindicated of all her sins, Quinn's heart feels fuller and her shoulders feel lighter and she cries. Rachel pries herself away to study Quinn's face, reaching out she traces the marks that Quinn's tears have left behind.
"Don't cry, Quinn," her hand is there again erasing away all the blondes tears.
"I could say the same for you," Quinn half laughs, half cries out.
Quinn has always been so confused about what she has felt towards the brunette. Never understood it until now, religion and beliefs be damned. She's feeling something towards Rachel Berry and she always has.
"Quinn, if this is the last time...at least in a very long time that we'll be together like this. Can I tell you something I've only just realized? And can you be alright with it?" Rachel pleads.
Quinn wipes away the rest of her tears, gives Rachel a sincere smile and nods.
"About what you said when I told you Finn and I were going to get married. I...you were right, I do love Finn but...there's someone that I also love, more so than even Finn. For all these years, I didn't realize till today how in love I have always been with that person," Rachel smooths a strand of hair behind her ear and blushes looking down, clutching the sheet.
"Who could one Miss Rachel Berry have loved all this time more than Finn Hudson?" Quinn nervously laughs with a glint of buried hope in her eyes.
Hesitation has not been one of Rachel's common attributes but she finds herself studying it intently now, because she can't quite find the words to reply with. Quinn's just staring at her and if she doesn't stop she may very well admit her feelings. But isn't that what she was trying to do? Since when did Rachel Berry become such a coward?
"Never mind," Rachel smiles lightly and slumps on her back.
"No, Rachel, you can't just drop a bomb like that and not tell a person. I mean come on you...you've been crazy for Finn since sophomore year and you even took him from me. Who could you possibly want more than him?" Quinn gets serious, "I really want to know."
Please, please, please, let me get what I want.
How can Quinn be quoting song lyrics in her head at a time like this? There's a moment of nervous air between them, Rachel's trying to muster up the courage to tell her and Quinn's eagerly albeit nervously waiting for a response as she bites her bottom lip. She has to know who could tear Rachel away from Finn; after all he's all she's ever wanted. Besides Broadway that is. Quinn masks her anxiety with a smirk and pounces on Rachel; maybe she can tickle the answer out of her.
Laughing and trying her best to fend off Quinn's torturous hands. Rachel knows that if she doesn't say something now she'll regret it and most importantly she's going to die of laughter, though it wouldn't be a bad way to go if it was by the hands of Quinn Fabray.
Rachel laughs gasping for air until the moment she gives in and yells it out right, "Fine! Fine, you, it's you! It's always been you!"
Quinn stops, hands frozen on Rachel's sides, as the brunette sincerely, tearfully stares back up at her. Sliding her hands to grasp Quinn's, Rachel searches the blondes face for some shred of hope but all she sees is seriousness and shock etched into her face. Is she disgusted with her now, in shock, still trying to digest what she just said? If Quinn falter's now with her own feelings, feelings she's tried so hard to stash away after so long, and Rachel is just joking, it could break her completely. So she remains stoic, she keeps up the charade.
"Come on Rachel, be serious," Quinn lightly laughs as Rachel continues to stare unfaltering up at her.
Quinn sees that the confidence which laced Rachel's eyes before is replaced by a pain all too evident. Rachel knows that if she denies everything and shrugs it off as a joke now she'll never tell her. They'll both go along with it. And she needs to tell her now, even if this new found friendship fades away. She needs Quinn to know what she means to her. Now in this very moment, she needs Quinn more than ever.
"I know we've only just become good friends, you're like my best friend. As weird as that may sound, considering our history, and…and I've only just realized it myself, Quinn. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it; I think I might be in love with you. And I'm sorry if telling you that has ruined our friendship, that wasn't my intention. I just needed you to know, because the urge for you to know was more important than anything. You've given me hope; you've made me believe in my dreams again. I feel like I owe you so much Quinn," Rachel says with such confidence and an unblinking gaze that it sends a shiver through Quinn's very being.
"Rachel, you don't mean any of that, you..." Quinn slowly removes herself from Rachel and sits on the edge of the bed and with a shaky breathe runs a hand through her hair.
Could Rachel Berry really love her?
Fandom: Glee
Pairing: Rachel Berry/Quinn Fabray
Rating: Eventual R, but right now PG.
Disclaimer: So these girls belong to FOX, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, and Brad Falchuk.
Summary: Rachel Berry "chokes" at her NYADA audition, she feels like all that's left for her is to be Finn Hudson's wife. But a reassurance from Quinn Fabray makes her realize her feelings for the blonde and that she needs to keep fighting for her dreams. Set after 3x18. Faberry love.
A/N: This is my first time writing a Faberry fic, let alone a Glee fic, my beta thursday-drinks over on tumblr helped me edit this. I hope you all like it. The book that Quinn reads in it is, Possession by A. S. Byatt. And the songs used in it are Turning Page by Sleeping At Last and Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths.
FF.net Version
Possession
It was raining that day after school and Rachel just stood there staring out into the rain, she had sent Finn away so she could be alone with her thoughts to figure out where to go without NYADA. And also, because the doubt Quinn had planted with her speech of not marrying Finn became even more prominent. But isn't that all she had now? To be the wife of Finn Hudson? Or could there really be more than that? She was just so unsure of everything now, should she marry Finn, should she let him go, and what's she going to do now that she may never make it to her dreams?
All she could think of is that day in the bathroom when Quinn told her that she shouldn't marry Finn or when they tried on dresses for her wedding. Quinn stormed out then, still in her bridesmaid dress, she told her she was the brightest star out of all of them and that she should focus on her dreams. She knew then that there was more to Quinn Fabray then met the eye. She always knew there was more to her. But she was blinded by Finn. She had no more dreams of Broadway. And here she was drenched in rain, lost in thoughts of Quinn nonetheless. As if on autopilot she made her way to her car; she didn't quite make it.
"Rachel?"
She knew she heard her name being called, but it seemed so distant and she continued to travel further from that time and place.
"Rachel!"
She felt a strong yet feminine grasp on her shoulders shake her back to reality.
Without even blinking, she turned her gaze to look at the blond standing at her side, her hands still clasped on her shoulders.
"Quinn?"
She blinks and shakes her head.
"Sorry, I must've spaced. Did you need something?"
Licking her lips, Quinn gives her a weak smile. She's trying so hard to ignore the pounding of her heart, this giddy feeling.
"I could say the same for you. Are you ok?"
Searching Quinn's eyes as if maybe she could find what she was looking for in them she exhales a shuddering breath and a cry catches in her throat.
"Am I...ok? I don't know any more."
She then smiles sadly and looks to the ground.
That's when the blonde spontaneously slips her arms around the shoulders she'd been grasping and as soon as it happens it's over with; Rachel thanks her and runs out into the rain leaving Quinn standing there worried and concerned.
Rachel.
That's all Quinn could think about, how could she make her see? She should fight for her dreams.
As soon as she reached her car, Rachel stood frozen next to the driver door, letting the rain fall on her, hoping it could wash away her sadness and her shattered dreams of NYADA. She's so deep in thought she doesn't notice Quinn walking up behind her and spinning her around to grasp her once again in her arms. It feels that no matter how hard she tried she wouldn't be able to free herself from how firm she's being grasped. "Rachel…it's alright," just like that Rachel gives in and wraps her arms around Quinn's waist burying her face in her chest and let's herself cry.
She lets it all go, the disappointment in herself, the shame she feels for thinking she should ever give up on her dream and the guilt for making everyone worry so much. How is it that only Quinn Fabray could make all her worries and fears disappear just like that? How is it that she's here now being embraced by the HBIC instead of being slushied? When did all of this change? She feels an ache burn in her chest which only spurs her to clutch tighter to the blonde. Hearing Quinn of all people tell her that everything will be alright is enough to melt away that numbness she'd been feeling.
It's when that numbness is gone and she can feel again that the pain is all too evident and she is crying even more into that comforting chest. That doesn't seem to be moving any time soon. Her heart is racing now that she feels something else burning deep in her chest. Replacing that pain with something sweeter, or so it seems. If her enemy could become her friend, could believe in her dreams just as much as she could, if she could do that? Then maybe anything is possible. She could make it into NYADA. Quinn Fabray has instilled a drive in her she thought had died.
She's always pushing her to be more, to become more. But really haven't they both? All this time, even when the blonde was throwing insults at her. And as complicated as their new friendship may be, she realizes that perhaps maybe that sweet sensation in her chest could be affection? How could she have been so blinded by Finn and dreams of Broadway? All this time, she hadn't realized she'd been falling for the cheerleader. She just wanted her to be happy, because everyone deserves to be happy. Because wouldn't you wish happiness for your friends?
But it's much more than that now, she would give anything to make sure Quinn is always happy. Because with those three words, Quinn has given her everything. So she lets go of all that doubt all that worry.
Most of all she lets her sadness go and embraces the love she feels welling up inside of her. This love she didn't realize till now was the affection burning in her chest, that all this time she'd felt for Quinn Fabray. "I'm so sorry, Quinn," she sniffles and she clutches on tighter to her shirt. Quinn just smiles.
She feels that all she should do is keep apologizing to Quinn; she doesn't deserve to be comforted by her. The one event of Rachel failing at her NYADA audition has made her self-esteem so low she feels like apologizing to the whole world for her failure.
"We should really get out of this rain, wanna go for a drive?"
Quinn doesn't even wait for a reply as Rachel's grip falls away and Quinn ushers her around to her passenger side door
"Keys? I'll drive."
Rachel hands over her keys and wipes her soaked hair out of her eyes as Quinn unlocks her door and holds it open for her, she gives Quinn a sad smile and gets in. Quinn runs to the driver's side which Rachel has already unlocked and immediately starts the car and turns on the heater
"Quinn, I..."
A slender finger is pressed against her lips quieting her. Quinn blushes and puts her hands onto the steering wheel.
"Don't worry Rachel; your dreams are going to come true. I believe in you, we all do," she smiles, reverses, and puts the car into drive.
Rachel gasps, she's not sure what to say, "Quinn, I..." but she knows that there are no words she can say in this moment so she smiles and looks out the window.
It seems after a while that the silence they've been sitting in has slowly gotten more awkward, especially for Rachel; since the realization of her feelings for Quinn the butterflies in her stomach haven't stopped.
Clutching her hands in her lap, she gazes down with a slight blush across her face. How could she not have realized sooner? Perhaps all this time, striving to become her friend with so much effort it wasn't merely just trying to be friends with the pretty cheerleader. All she had ever wanted was to be accepted by her, she looked up to her; she was beautiful and popular; she was everything she felt she wasn't. But she knew what the pressures of teenage life and the strictness of one's parents and religion could do to a girl, so she always forgave Quinn for the harsh things she did to her. Who knows, maybe it's all in her head. But she knows what she feels in her heart, she's sure of that now. That what she felt for the girl was an unconditional love.
She's roused from her thoughts when she hears Quinn sigh as the girl looked at her watch and smirked.
"I guess I kind of got carried away with this drive, I got distracted by my thoughts. You tend to have that effect on me."
Quinn blushes at what's she just said and nervously licks her lips.
Rachel notices that it's starting to get dark out; she's practically wasted all of Quinn's day on her, "I'm sorry…for everything. I've completely wasted your day with my problems."
"It's really alright Rachel, where's that strong confidant diva at, huh? How about you sleep over at my house tonight? My mom is on a business trip so it's just me."
Without waiting for an answer Quinn turns the headlights on and changes her destination.
"I don't want to impose," Rachel smiles softly.
"You wouldn't be. I'd rather not be alone tonight, if that's ok with you? I know this seems weird, for me to ask you. I figure since we're friends now we could have a sleep over before we graduate."
She smiles reassuringly in Rachel's direction.
Let me just have this one night with you, Rach.
To hear that they're friends coming from Quinn Fabray's mouth has her heart fluttering, she's filled with reassurance, "Ok, let me call my dad's."
By the time they get to Quinn's house Rachel has been given complete permission by both her dads to sleep over, they're just glad that these two have gotten so close.
"If you want you can take a shower, you can borrow some of my clothes while I wash our soaked ones," Quinn offers.
"Thanks…Quinn," Rachel smirks.
Quinn smiles showing the way to her room and Rachel smiles meekly back at her following her upstairs.
Rachel had always wondered what Quinn's room would look like, she always assumed it was pink and girly but that's not at all what she finds. It's full of so much color and simply Quinn. It's not the typical high school girly girl; it's got a sophisticated grown woman's touch to it. It smells like vanilla and there's a warmth to it that Rachel wishes would envelope her all the time.
"I'll leave you some clothes on the bed for when you're done. I'll go make us some tea."
Quinn hands Rachel a towel and points her to the bathroom.
Rachel nervously takes the towel and smiles as she makes her way into the bathroom closing the door behind her. Rachel lets out a breath of air as if she's been holding it all this time. She decides to take a quick hot shower; it's already awkward enough being naked with Quinn so close.
It feels as though the hotness from the water thaws her out even more and makes her hyper aware of the burning love in her chest. She can feel the butterflies in the pit of her stomach. She feels herself start to cry and hangs her head under the water hoping that maybe if the water mixes with her tears she can lie to herself and tell her it's just water and not her crying.
She wipes the water from her eyes and realizes how pruney her fingers feel now; if she stays in any longer Quinn might start to worry so she shuts off the water and wraps herself in a towel. She feels so weak now, how frozen had she really been?
Cracking the door to the bathroom she finds herself alone. She discovers some neatly folded clothes, which Quinn has left for her. Smiling she begins to ceremoniously dress herself in Quinn's sweats and shirt, though plain, the feel of them against her skin is like heaven. She walks back into the bathroom and hangs her towel up on the wall next to the shower and grabs her wet clothes from the floor. Folding them she clutches them tightly to her chest as she makes her way down stairs.
It's quiet but she can hear a light humming from the kitchen. The slight aroma of sleepy time tea can be smelled. She smiles as she watches Quinn, her feet resting on the chair across from her and a book in her hand. She sips from a cup next to her.
"Quinn?"
Rachel hates to disturb the sight in front of her but she can't stare at her all night, that'd be creepy, right?
"Oh, Rachel, here you sit down while I throw your clothes in the wash."
Smiling, Quinn delicately takes Rachel's folded clothes from her grasp, "How about that tea?"
"That would be great, thank you," Rachel smiles.
She takes a seat in the chair that Quinn had been resting her feet in and smiles at the warmth that still lingers there.
She glances at the cover of the book Quinn was reading, Possession: A Romance, she's read that before. She didn't think Quinn read those types of books.
Quinn rushes Rachel's clothes to the washer, before tossing them in she runs a finger over the owl that adorns her argyle sweater.
Ugh, stop it Quinn Fabray, don't be creepy.
Quinn tosses the clothes in, starts it, and runs to make that cup of tea.
"Here you go, hope its ok."
Quinn sets down a cup of tea and takes her place in the chair she had been sitting in.
"I'm feeling much better, Quinn. Thanks for everything, again."
She takes a sip of tea and it turns her body to jelly.
"That's a good book."
She points to the book on the table as she takes another sip of tea.
"You know it? This is one of my favorite books, I've probably read it a hundred times, if not more," Quinn smiles and closes the book.
"For my true thoughts have spent more time in your company than in anyone else's, these last two or three months, and where my thoughts are, there am I, in truth."
Rachel quotes a passage from the book and so a smiling Quinn decides to quote her own.
"This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began. And when I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere."
"It really is a beautiful book. I'm glad someone else discovered it."
Rachel blushes pulling her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them.
"Me too, it is very beautiful."
Quinn stares at Rachel and then sips her tea.
They sit in silence staring at each other, as if so many words could be exchanged and yet there is none but that silence.
"Hungry?" Quinn finally asks.
"You know what? I am famished," Rachel smiles sipping her tea.
"I'll make us something to eat, don't worry, it'll be vegan friendly," Quinn grabs her cup and smiles as she begins making dinner for the two of them.
Rachel hums with her eyes closed as Quinn prepares dinner. She feels like all the pain she had been going through was only a vague memory. Quinn had always been the one to cause such pain and now she had taken it away. She sipped her tea until it was gone.
Quinn can't help but feel lulled to happiness by just Rachel's humming. If she wasn't paying so much attention to the boiling water in front of her she'd be falling asleep with the content feeling that comes with Rachel's voice.
Finally food prepared, she grabs the two plates.
"Here you go, I've been craving pasta all day, hope you don't mind?"
Quinn smiles wearily placing a plate in front of Rachel.
"That's fine, it's great, thanks Quinn," grinning Rachel places her feet on the ground.
"I'm not much of a cook but when my mom is gone I usually have to fend for myself," Quinn sits grabbing her fork.
"If I ever thought for one minute that I'd be sleeping over at your house, eating a meal prepared by one Miss Quinn Fabray I'd think I'd gone to heaven," Rachel blurts out blushing.
Quinn blushes too.
"Well, don't get used to it and don't let Santana and Brittany know. I'll never hear the end of it, I've never cooked for them before," she nervously giggles.
"Don't worry it'll be our little secret. One of many I hope. I'll return the favor someday and I'll make you dinner," she takes a bite and they start eating and talking about their favorite parts of the book Quinn has been reading.
It's 10P.M. when they realize how long they've been talking. Rachel doesn't think they've talked so long like that before and it's making her feel giddy.
Quinn does the dishes while Rachel flips through the book. Once Quinn is done the two make it up back to the bedroom. Quinn puts on a light mix of music, as they settle down for the night. The song, "Turning Page" by Sleeping At Last pops on and Rachel hums along.
I've waited a hundred years
But I'd wait a million more for you
Nothing prepared me for
What the privilege of being yours would do.
Quinn smiles over the book in her hands.
"You know, Rachel you have nothing to worry about. You'll make it into NYADA and Broadway will see something they've never seen before. You didn't put us all through those speeches about how you're going to be a star for nothing. You never stopped believing in yourself, even when no one else did. So don't give up now, we all believe in you...I believe in you." Quinn breathes in shakily as she realizes she's rambling.
If I had only felt the warmth within your touch
If I had only seen how you smile when you blush
Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough
Well, I would have known
What I was living for all along
What I've been living for.
Rachel's sitting at the window seat across the room, she stops humming with shock at the words that have just made their way out of Quinn Fabray's mouth. To hear that, of all things, come from her mouth. Though she's been saying that all day, but it's not till now that it really sinks in. It seems to be all she's longed to hear and her heart explodes with so much love that she starts to cry.
"Thank you for believing in me, Quinn; you don't know what that means to me."
Your love is my turning page
Where only the sweetest words remain
Every kiss is a cursive line
Every touch is a redefining phrase
"You don't need to cry, Rachel, I'm just speaking the truth. Which you know I have no problem doing," Quinn adds with a smirk as she sets her book down next to her.
I surrender who I've been for who you are
For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart
If I had only felt how it feels to be yours
Well, I would have known
What I've been living for all along
What I've been living for
Rachel wipes her tears away
"I know, I'm just so happy, Quinn. Being your friend is so much more then I hoped it would be."
Though we're tethered, to the story we must tell
When I saw you, well I knew we'd tell it well
With the whisper, we will tame the vicious scenes
Like a feather, bringing kingdoms to their knees.
Quinn blushes, "No need to get mushy on me now, Berry. How about we go to bed? It's late and I think we could both use some sleep."
Quinn stands and turns down her covers. Rachel's shocked.
"You want me to share your bed?"
"It's really not a big deal Rachel, Santana and Brittany do it all the time. Of course, now I try to avoid sharing a bed with them because they just ended up making out right next to me," Quinn smirks and throws a pillow at Rachel.
The fact that Quinn is treating her like Santana and Brittany now means so much to her and yet in a way breaks her heart, friends.
"Oh, ok," Rachel wipes the rest of her tears away and stands clutching the pillow to her chest as if it's a life preserver.
Rachel gets in as Quinn lays her book on her night stand and turns off the lights.
"I never thanked you for always believing in me Rachel. When it felt like I had no one you were always there for me, even when I treated you so horribly. So thank you Rachel, I'm sorry we didn't become friends sooner and I'm sorry for all the things I put you through."
Quinn slides in next to Rachel and breathes out a sigh of relief that she can finally tell Rachel how she really feels. The next thing Quinn realizes is Rachel throwing herself onto her, hugging her tightly.
"You're my best friend, Quinn," Rachel cries.
"Whoa, calm down."
Friends?
Quinn freezes at the thought and after a moment relaxes as she begins petting Rachel's head, she can feel the warmth of Rachel's tears begin to soak through her shirt.
"I forgive you, Quinn."
Rachel buries her head further into Quinn's chest hiding her gaze with the rawness of her forgiveness.
As if being vindicated of all her sins, Quinn's heart feels fuller and her shoulders feel lighter and she cries. Rachel pries herself away to study Quinn's face, reaching out she traces the marks that Quinn's tears have left behind.
"Don't cry, Quinn," her hand is there again erasing away all the blondes tears.
"I could say the same for you," Quinn half laughs, half cries out.
Quinn has always been so confused about what she has felt towards the brunette. Never understood it until now, religion and beliefs be damned. She's feeling something towards Rachel Berry and she always has.
"Quinn, if this is the last time...at least in a very long time that we'll be together like this. Can I tell you something I've only just realized? And can you be alright with it?" Rachel pleads.
Quinn wipes away the rest of her tears, gives Rachel a sincere smile and nods.
"About what you said when I told you Finn and I were going to get married. I...you were right, I do love Finn but...there's someone that I also love, more so than even Finn. For all these years, I didn't realize till today how in love I have always been with that person," Rachel smooths a strand of hair behind her ear and blushes looking down, clutching the sheet.
"Who could one Miss Rachel Berry have loved all this time more than Finn Hudson?" Quinn nervously laughs with a glint of buried hope in her eyes.
Hesitation has not been one of Rachel's common attributes but she finds herself studying it intently now, because she can't quite find the words to reply with. Quinn's just staring at her and if she doesn't stop she may very well admit her feelings. But isn't that what she was trying to do? Since when did Rachel Berry become such a coward?
"Never mind," Rachel smiles lightly and slumps on her back.
"No, Rachel, you can't just drop a bomb like that and not tell a person. I mean come on you...you've been crazy for Finn since sophomore year and you even took him from me. Who could you possibly want more than him?" Quinn gets serious, "I really want to know."
Please, please, please, let me get what I want.
How can Quinn be quoting song lyrics in her head at a time like this? There's a moment of nervous air between them, Rachel's trying to muster up the courage to tell her and Quinn's eagerly albeit nervously waiting for a response as she bites her bottom lip. She has to know who could tear Rachel away from Finn; after all he's all she's ever wanted. Besides Broadway that is. Quinn masks her anxiety with a smirk and pounces on Rachel; maybe she can tickle the answer out of her.
Laughing and trying her best to fend off Quinn's torturous hands. Rachel knows that if she doesn't say something now she'll regret it and most importantly she's going to die of laughter, though it wouldn't be a bad way to go if it was by the hands of Quinn Fabray.
Rachel laughs gasping for air until the moment she gives in and yells it out right, "Fine! Fine, you, it's you! It's always been you!"
Quinn stops, hands frozen on Rachel's sides, as the brunette sincerely, tearfully stares back up at her. Sliding her hands to grasp Quinn's, Rachel searches the blondes face for some shred of hope but all she sees is seriousness and shock etched into her face. Is she disgusted with her now, in shock, still trying to digest what she just said? If Quinn falter's now with her own feelings, feelings she's tried so hard to stash away after so long, and Rachel is just joking, it could break her completely. So she remains stoic, she keeps up the charade.
"Come on Rachel, be serious," Quinn lightly laughs as Rachel continues to stare unfaltering up at her.
Quinn sees that the confidence which laced Rachel's eyes before is replaced by a pain all too evident. Rachel knows that if she denies everything and shrugs it off as a joke now she'll never tell her. They'll both go along with it. And she needs to tell her now, even if this new found friendship fades away. She needs Quinn to know what she means to her. Now in this very moment, she needs Quinn more than ever.
"I know we've only just become good friends, you're like my best friend. As weird as that may sound, considering our history, and…and I've only just realized it myself, Quinn. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it; I think I might be in love with you. And I'm sorry if telling you that has ruined our friendship, that wasn't my intention. I just needed you to know, because the urge for you to know was more important than anything. You've given me hope; you've made me believe in my dreams again. I feel like I owe you so much Quinn," Rachel says with such confidence and an unblinking gaze that it sends a shiver through Quinn's very being.
"Rachel, you don't mean any of that, you..." Quinn slowly removes herself from Rachel and sits on the edge of the bed and with a shaky breathe runs a hand through her hair.
Could Rachel Berry really love her?