by my side you'll never be....
I find myself split between two people. That I can't be the person I am anymore. So I gotta be someone else. I'm feeling so much anger and bitterness. Such a deep deep sadness that it's like a poison in my blood. So much so that because of him, because I loved him, because I have never loved before. I have never had to let anyone go, I've never lost anyone so dear. I don't know how to let go, I don't want to let him go. So part of me is somehow trying to keep a part of him in me so that I never really have to let him go. Even though it hurts me so. And the bitterness is eating away at me.
I find myself pushing others away, staying alone by myself. Telling myself that those that make others suffer deserve to suffer. He deserves to suffer, my family deserves to suffer for making me suffer. I'm easily angered and I just don't care if I fade away. Before him I was in a very deep depression, he gave me a reason to live. How do you live when that reason for living has disappeared? I don't want to love ever again. And I won't cry anymore. He is like a ghost that haunts me and I can't move on. There are times when I just want to sleep and never wake up cuz I'd rather not deal with the pain.
And why does he think he can do this to people. How could he use me and say he loves me then abandon me and act like I'm the bad person? I find myself being disappointed by those around me. I just want back that happiness I felt. I just need someone to save me again.
" It is not the Earth we wish to destroy. It is mankind. Men kill, they hate, and they devastate this planet. What reason, then, must they exist? What the Earth needs now is tranquility." ~ Nataku, X
"I need to determine for myself whether or not peace at the expense of lives can really be defined as peace. And I will become evil itself to find out!!" ~ Wufei, Gundam Wing
I find myself pushing others away, staying alone by myself. Telling myself that those that make others suffer deserve to suffer. He deserves to suffer, my family deserves to suffer for making me suffer. I'm easily angered and I just don't care if I fade away. Before him I was in a very deep depression, he gave me a reason to live. How do you live when that reason for living has disappeared? I don't want to love ever again. And I won't cry anymore. He is like a ghost that haunts me and I can't move on. There are times when I just want to sleep and never wake up cuz I'd rather not deal with the pain.
And why does he think he can do this to people. How could he use me and say he loves me then abandon me and act like I'm the bad person? I find myself being disappointed by those around me. I just want back that happiness I felt. I just need someone to save me again.
" It is not the Earth we wish to destroy. It is mankind. Men kill, they hate, and they devastate this planet. What reason, then, must they exist? What the Earth needs now is tranquility." ~ Nataku, X
"I need to determine for myself whether or not peace at the expense of lives can really be defined as peace. And I will become evil itself to find out!!" ~ Wufei, Gundam Wing