Kink Me! #31
Kink Me! #31
Closed to new prompts!Welcome to Kink Me! Merlin #31! :D
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Arthur/Merlin (eventually; primary focus is sort of Merlin and Uther gen)
A/N: I know there's already an awesome fill being posted here, but I couldn't help myself. This is my first fill and my first (finished) Merlin fic, so I apologise in advance for...all the things. I'm also American, and this hasn't been britpicked, so expect mistakes. Fair warning to the OP - this fill fits the spirit of the prompt more than the letter of it, I hope that's okay.
***
"So," says Uther Pendragon stiffly. "You're...you're gay, then."
In spite of himself, Merlin snorts. Then he immediately feels guilty for it. "Yes, I am," is all he says.
It's an awkward start to what might end up being the most awkward dinner Merlin has ever experienced. Short, pointed, frequently appallingly personal questions are punctuated by long, tense silences. Merlin is underdressed, because Gaius said dinner, not five-star restaurant, not that Merlin even owns a suit he could have actually worn here. Uther is board-stiff in his seat and drinking a lot more heavily than Merlin thinks is probably normal for him, and he looks as if everything about Merlin's existence makes him anxious and uncomfortable.
He'd leave, he really would - he loves Gaius, but this has really gone well beyond the bounds of "a slightly odd favour to ask of you, Merlin" - but for one thing, and one thing only. Uther's one saving grace, so to speak.
He's trying.
And yes, it's awful and sad and kind of hideous that he has to try this hard - that he is such a natural bigot that he genuinely cannot seem to function in the face of homosexualtiy - but there is something oddly endearing about the strangely businesslike way he has decided to attack the problem.
His son is gay. Uther exists in a world which, it has become painfully clear to Merlin tonight, has literally no frame of reference for dealing with that. He's a harsh, stern man who seems to inhabit a terrifyingly exclusive universe made up of lavish wealth and cutthroat business. He is distant and formal and cold and generally unpleasant in every way, but the fact that he's here, treating Merlin like a research experiment to be dissected and studied and understood -
There's a kind of love in that. For all his faults, and however ridiculous his methods, Uther is reaching out in his own way, trying to find a way to understand his son.
So Merlin stays.
He stays through dinner and through drinks. He stays through a pudding he doesn't even want, but which Uther high-handedly orders for him without asking, because apparently it is the best. He stays through questions like, 'So...I understand your people wear a lot of...colours,“ and "Are there charities of some kind I should be donating to?“ And he stays through a stilted final coffee, during which not a single word is spoken, but Uther stares very intensely at him all the while, as if he can find some vital clue to understanding his son's sexuality by way of Merlin's face.
After politely turning down a rather perfunctory offer of a lift home, Merlin finds himself turning back at the last second, reaching out to touch Uther's arm with an impulsive hand.
"He's still your son," he blurts. "He's not - this doesn't make him a different person, he's still the same son he was yesterday, and last month, and last year before that. It's...it's an adjustment, I know, but it doesn't change who he is. And - " He hesitates, and then offers a small smile. "He's lucky. Luckier than some. This is hard for you, but you're trying. That matters. That - that'll mean a lot to him, I think."
He walks off before Uther's gobsmacked expression even has a chance to fade.
***
"So," Gaius greets, eyebrow high. "How did that go, then?"
"Don't ask me any more favours," Merlin tells him dryly. "Ever."
The rusty sound of his uncle's laughter trails Merlin up the stairs.
***
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The last person Merlin expects to see walking through the door of the coffee shop later that week is Uther Pendragon.
Uther just stands at the counter without ordering for a long moment. He's watching Merlin with that research-experiment stare again. Merlin shifts awkwardly in place.
"Uther," he greets uncertainly, feeling very aware of Gwen's curious eyes on his back.
"Merlin," Uther returns, with a grave little tilt of his head that makes Merlin have to bite back a laugh in spite of himself. "I...I require your assistance."
Merlin works very hard not to grimace. "All right," he says, as evenly as he can. "Well, my shift here doesn't end for another five minutes, but if you don't mind waiting, I can get you a coffee...?"
Uther seems oddly bewildered by that idea, like ordering coffee in the coffee shop is a thing that would never have occurred to him. Merlin wonders uncharitably for a moment if he's somehow afraid of contracting Gay Cooties, but after only the slightest hesitation, he gives another stiff little nod of thanks.
"I can certainly wait. A plain coffee would be lovely, thank you for offering."
Merlin chews on his lip very hard, and keeps his back to the counter while he pours the coffee so that Uther can't see him fighting a laugh.
The last five minutes of his shift are interminable. He manages to invent and discard a hundred increasingly dire scenarios for what kind of "assistance" Uther "requires," ranging from help shopping for rainbow-patterned power ties to planning the world's most businesslike coming-out party for his son.
In the end, though, Uther just gives him a mildly uncomfortable look, and invites him out for dinner again.
Merlin will never know what devil possesses him to say, "There's a chippy up the street, we could walk while we eat," but watching Uther's face as he struggles with that suggestion makes the whole evening already worthwhile.
Shockingly, Uther actually concedes, albeit somewhat uncertainly, and within half an hour, they are meandering side by side through the local park, and Merlin is watching with open amusement as Uther attempts to force down a chip butty without actually touching it with any part of his body, including his taste buds.
"So, what can I help you with?" he finally asks, because he can't help feeling a little mean, even if it is funny.
Uther makes the least dignified face Merlin has ever seen from him around the last bite of his "dinner," but like the proper, polished gentleman he is, he finishes chewing and swallowing before he deigns to answer.
"Arthur works in my company," he says bluntly. "And while he did eventually tell me of his...preferences, I have noticed that he's made no mention of it in the office."
He's far too dignified to indulge in things like vocal tones or facial expressions, but the words somehow manage to carry a distinct feeling of tattling nonetheless.
"Perhaps he's working up to it," Merlin suggests reasonably. "Or perhaps he just doesn't care to announce his personal business at the office. That's actually not unusual. It's really no one's business, is it?"
Uther seems wrong-footed by this response. "Are you suggesting he might never tell them?"
Merlin's eyebrows go up in spite of himself. "Is there some reason he should have to? I mean, he might want to, in which case good on him and I wish him well when he's ready for that, but it's not like it's a requirement. It's his business who he talks to about personal things, isn't it?"
"Of course it's not his business!" Uther snaps. "I was given to understand that this - this coming out is part of the...the agreement!"
"The...agreement," Merlin repeats, baffled. "Between...gay people?"
"Yes,“ says Uther, like Merlin is the idiot here. "Coming out means telling people. I do know that much, at least."
"But not necessarily all people," Merlin points out. "I mean, we don't have to wear name tags or anything. Where are you getting your information? It's not a cult, Uther. It's just like anything else - everyone has to make their own choices about who has a right and a need to know their private business."
-cont'd-
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But Uther seems to be stuck on his own, increasingly-agitated wavelength. "If this is how he's going to live his life, he needs to own up - "
"Own up?“
"Yes! He says this is who he is, and he's proud of it. Well, proud people have nothing to hide! I'll not have my son skulking around keeping secrets like he's ashamed of himself - "
Merlin scowls. "Oh, please. When exactly did you hold the meeting where you announced to the entire office what kind of sex you like to have?"
Uther actually splutters, which would be funny if Merlin weren't so irritated. "That is not the same thing - "
"Of course it is," snaps Merlin. "Come on now, don't skulk around like you're ashamed of yourself. You have to own it, Uther. So - blondes, or brunettes? Big tits, or are you a leg man? Straight-up vanilla sex, or do you like a little bondage for spice? Don't be shy - people have a right to know."
Uther stops dead in his tracks, white with shock and growing rage. For a second, Merlin honestly thinks he's going to get punched. He might even deserve it, a little - that was rude, and he knows it.
But only a little.
"The point is," he says, attempting to moderate his voice back to something at least reasonably polite, "no one obsesses about the sexual preferences of heterosexual people. You're not expected to take out an ad in the paper, or make an announcement at the office about what you like to do in the privacy of your own bedroom. And you shouldn't be. It's no one's business but yours. Some people choose to come out with banners and streamers and rainbow t-shirts, and some people choose not to make an issue of it outside their family and close friends. Those are both valid choices. Either way, it's Arthur's choice, not yours or anyone else's."
Uther is silent for long enough that Merlin starts to wonder if he shouldn't just walk away. Or apologise, except he's not really all that sorry.
"But..." Uther seems genuinely confused. Enough that he's even forgotten to be angry, apparently. "Aren't you meant to - march in parades, and fight for...for rights and things?"
Merlin sighs, and shoves his hands into his pockets. "I don't really think those things have anything to do with each other," he says, as patiently as he can. "You seem to feel like being gay is something people do. It isn't. It's something people are. I am gay every minute of every day, whether or not the person I'm talking to knows about it. And yes, sometimes I personally choose to march in parades and fight for 'rights and things', but that doesn't contractually obligate me to tell everyone I talk to how much I like cock."
Uther seems to be struck temporarily speechless at this point, possibly with horror.
"Look," Merlin says, suddenly tired. "You're going to have to talk to your son about this one. I can't tell you what his reasons are, because I don't know them. But I will tell you this - there's no 'right' and 'wrong' way to be gay, Uther. If you're expecting Arthur to suddenly conform to some stereotype or idea of a 'model' gay person, then you're being unfair to him and you're going to end up disappointed anyway."
He walks away after that. He feels a little bad about it, but honestly, he never signed up to be Uther Pendragon's Guide to the Gay Side.
***
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He's convinced that will be the end of that, but someone apparently forgot to tell Uther, because two days later, he's waiting outside the coffee shop when Merlin's shift ends.
"Arthur says he has no intention of coming out at the office unless and until he has a significant other he'd like to bring to a company event," Uther says abruptly, sounding for all the world as if he's picking up the conversation exactly where they left off.
Merlin stares at him for a long moment, and then gives a resigned sigh. "Curry?" he suggests glumly.
Ten minutes later, they're sitting down in a shabby little Indian restaurant Merlin eats at a minimum of twice a week. Uther, as usual, looks wildly out of place but determined to ignore it.
"Don't you think that's a bad idea?" Uther demands, once they've placed their orders.
Merlin forcibly restrains another sigh. "Why would that be a bad idea?"
"Well, it's just - discourteous." Uther scowls. "What happens when he actually has this significant other? He just...turns up with a man on his arm? No one will be prepared, everyone will be forced to simply...deal with it, on the spot."
"Seriously, you don't find that even a little bit ridiculous? That people would care? I mean, I realise they will care, that's the way the world works, but how is that Arthur's problem? If you met and started dating some twenty-year-old college girl, you would hardly be obligated to send out an email about it ahead of time to make sure everyone was comfortable with your choice."
"I don't care about that," Uther snaps. "I'm talking about his date. He's talking about bringing an innocent person into a highly uncomfortable situation without even warning anyone. How is that an acceptable way to treat someone you care about?"
Merlin blinks, baffled by this sudden twist. "Who the hell do you work with? Organised crime?"
"What?"
"You're making it sound like they're going to get shot. It's a business dinner, not a hate crime. They'll have an awkward night. Some people will look at them funny; some might say shitty things. But it's not like his date would be going in blind. I mean, presumably he'd have told the guy in question what to expect, and if Arthur is okay with it and his date is okay with it, then what's the problem?"
"It's...ungentlemanly." Uther sets his jaw, and then has to pause while the waitress arrives and stare at his plate for a while as if he's never in his life seen anything like what's on it before. After a moment, he seems to remember himself. "It's cowardly, that's what it is. If Arthur wants to bring a man to a company function, fine, but he's got no call to be dragging his date into the path of any unpleasantness that may follow. That is no way to treat a - someone. I raised him better than that."
Merlin tears off a piece of naan, and sighs. "Uther. Is there a date?"
"What?"
"Is there a date? Is this an actual thing that is happening, or are we dealing in hypothetical future boyfriends, here?"
Uther frowns. "Arthur is not currently seeing anyone, no."
Merlin had assumed as much. "So, what's the real problem, then? You can't really be obsessing about the mental welfare of a fictional man your son isn't even dating yet, who may or may not hear a couple of snide remarks at some imaginary future dinner party. What's actually going on?"
Uther opens his mouth, then closes it. He looks wrong-footed again, and deeply uncomfortable.
"Eat your curry," Merlin says, taking pity on him.
His expression suggests that there are a great many things he would rather be doing with his time, like possibly wrestling live eels, but Uther reaches for the naan with a scowl.
For a while, they eat in blessed silence. Merlin tries to figure out how his life has come to this - gay guru to a repressed Tory business tycoon - but comes up with no answers that don't start and end with 'crazy uncle Gaius.'
-cont'd-
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"All right," he says, once they've made it through most of the meal in relative peace. "Here's what I think. I think none of this is actually about Arthur's imaginary future date, or whether your son is sufficiently proud of who he is. I think you want Arthur to come out because you know it's going to happen someday, and you know some people aren't going to react well. I think waiting for it is killing you, maybe because it is going to be embarrassing for you, maybe because you're afraid it'll be painful for Arthur. And I think you want me to tell you that I agree with you, that he should get it over with, and hopefully give you tips on how to make it as painless as possible."
Uther's cheeks flush a dull red, and he glares fiercely at his plate in absolute silence. Merlin takes this as agreement.
"The thing is, I can't tell you that," Merlin says, as gently as he can. "Arthur has to do this his own way. When I came out, I was sixteen. My mother was lovely, there could be no more supportive person in the entire world. She was so supportive, in fact, that she started wearing PFLAG shirts, and put a sticker on her car that proclaimed her the 'proud mother of a gay son.'" Merlin winces. "The thing is, I wasn't out at school. She meant well - she meant so well, she was proud and wanted everyone to know it, especially me - but that didn't make it any easier when half the rugby team decided I was probably spying on them in the showers when I stayed late for tutoring with one of my teachers. I ended up with a bloody nose, and the word 'queer' written on my forehead in Sharpie."
Uther physically flinches. "How can any parent want this for their child?" he murmurs, and in that moment, he looks so lost and helpless that Merlin's heart goes out to him.
"That's not going to happen to Arthur," he says. "He's a grown man, he knows what he's doing. He will face some...unpleasantness, as you put it, at some point in his life, maybe even frequently, since wherever you work sounds scary as hell. People will say things, some people will do things. It can be scary, and it can be dangerous, but most of the time, it's just going to be Arthur, living his life. And your job is to let him live it. He'll come out at work when it's important to him to come out at work. And when that happens, you'll be there, and that will mean a lot to him. But rushing him isn't going to help anything. Ultimately, it's his life and his privacy and his business, and you're going to have to find a way to accept that."
Uther grimaces, looking miserable and human.
Merlin smiles. "If it helps," he adds, "you might end up being surprised. As bad as you think it's going to be, a lot of people just won't care. You might very well be building this up way out of proportion in your head. In fact, I think it's very likely you are."
Uther sighs at that, and stares at his plate in silence for awhile. Then, very suddenly, he's sitting up straight in his chair again, visibly pulling himself together.
"Next time," he says, all stern and formal again, "I am selecting the restaurant. You clearly cannot be trusted in matters of taste."
Merlin laughs out loud. "Oh, god," he says, a little despairingly. "Of course there's going to be a next time."
Uther does not dignify that with a response.
***
"Listen," says Merlin, three weeks (and five visits) later. "You can't keep coming here. Gwen is starting to think you're my sugar daddy. Can't you just call like a normal person and arrange to meet up somewhere?"
Uther looks frankly alarmed. "Gwen thinks what?" he demands. "Who is Gwen?"
Merlin sighs. "Never mind. Where are we headed tonight?"
***
"Merlin," says Gaius, very slowly. "Why is Uther Pendragon sending you flowers?"
Merlin glares. "Because he doesn't understand about Gay Pride month," he grits. "I never should have mentioned it, but he asked about holidays, like he thought we were a weird religious organisation. Look at this card: Congratulations on your homosexuality. I am proud of you."
Gaius stares at him for a long moment, and then tips back his head and laughs and laughs.
***
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Congratulations on your homosexuality. I am proud of you." This line has me cracking up, there are tears from all the giggling. Love the interactions between Uther and Merlin It would be interesting seeing what is going on from Arthurs point of view so I'm off to continue reading.
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At some point, around three months after that first hideous dinner, Merlin realises that Uther is, in a strange way, becoming something almost like a friend.
Not really like a friend, because Uther is definitely not the sort of person Merlin wants to text with, or talk to on the phone, or hang out with just for the sake of it. They never see or speak to each other at all in fact, outside of Uther's continuing habit of turning up imperiously outside the coffee shop and dragging Merlin off without so much as a by-your-leave to deal with Uther's gay angst and lingering ignorance.
But Merlin has stopped feeling quite so exasperated every time it happens - it helps that Uther has mostly settled into a much more comfortable once-a-week schedule now that the initial crisis seems to be behind him - and sometimes he actually even enjoys himself. They still talk more about Arthur than anything, and Uther is still hopelessly stuffy and uptight, but he's stopped treating Merlin quite so much like a laboratory specimen at least, and his questions have mostly tapered off from invasive-and-offensive to genuine and thoughtful. He asks a surprising number of questions about Merlin's life - his mother, his absentee father, his plans for the future. He even answers occasional inquiries about his own life that don't revolve around Arthur, though those are much rarer and most often amount only to short, clipped replies. But Merlin knows that he was married once, to a woman named Ygraine whom he loved more than anything, and that she died while giving birth to Arthur, and that he has a daughter named Morgana from another woman, with whom he has a very strained relationship.
He also knows that Uther hates pizza even more than he hated curry, that they have very different ideas about what makes for acceptable sushi, and that the funniest thing in the entire universe is the sight of Uther's facial expression when confronted with any sort of meal from a vendor cart.
But for all that, he is still entirely unprepared for the moment Uther looks at him across the dinner table - some haughty French place this week, because it's Uther's turn to choose - and says, "You should come to dinner on Sunday."
Merlin accidentally inhales about half his glass of water. "P-pardon?"
"Dinner," Uther repeats, handing Merlin an honest-to-god handkerchief with a look of deepest disapproval. "Sunday. You should attend it."
"Dinner," Merlin repeats slowly. "At...your house. Sunday dinner."
"Do you have some sort of mental affliction?"
Merlin narrows his eyes. "Uther. Are you inviting me to your family dinner on Sunday, or not?"
Uther scowls. "I rather thought that was obvious," he says stiffly.
A horrible, horrible suspicion blooms in Merlin's mind. "Oh, god," he says, horrified. "We're not dating, right? You're not - you're not gay. Right?"
"What?“ Uther looks like he's about to keel right over at the table. "Of course we're not dating, you utter imbecile! I want you to date my son!“
"Oh, god," Merlin says gratefully. "Oh, thank god."
Uther still looks ready to die. Or hit something. "So, you'll come?"
"Oh," says Merlin. "No. Not in a million years. But...you know. Thanks anyway."
"What?" Uther glares. "What do you mean, no? Why the hell not?"
"Because you know exactly two gay people in all the world," Merlin explains. "And I understand how that translates in your head, and you think it makes perfect sense for us to date, but that's not actually how that works."
"Of course that's how it works," Uther snaps. "People set their children up on dates all the time. And Arthur is a fine young man. You could do much worse, you know."
Merlin laughs. "He sounds lovely," he says, and even means it. "I have nothing against your son. But that doesn't mean we have anything in common. Besides, you know...being gay."
-cont'd-
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"How would you know that? You've never even met him."
"No, but I've met you,“ Merlin points out. "You tried to feed me snails tonight, Uther. Remember the fish and chips incident?"
"Rational people do not eat food served in a cone made of newspaper," Uther grits, and glares again when Merlin laughs.
"That's exactly my point. I like food served in a newspaper cone. I don't drink thousand-year-old scotch, or bottles of wine that cost more than my life is worth. I don't...play polo, or know anything about business, or even own a suit."
"Arthur wears denims when he's not in the office," Uther objects. "And I know he ate pizza at uni."
Merlin laughs again, charmed in spite of himself. "You're ridiculous."
"You could at least try," Uther insists. "If the two of you don't get along, then you don't. But I can hardly see the harm in meeting him."
"Tell you what," says Merlin, and he already knows he's going to regret this. "Why don't you bring him along next week instead. Not as a date," he adds, very firmly. "But at least we can meet, and maybe we'll even end up as mates. How's that?"
Uther rolls his eyes. "You're very difficult. I don't know why I put up with you."
"Neither do I," Merlin agrees, feeling very nearly fond.
***
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Arthur, when Merlin finally meets him, is visibly confused.
He's also tragically, tragically gorgeous. Somehow, Uther has apparently forgotten to mention that part.
Not that it matters, because no way in hell is Merlin going down that road. But some warning might have been nice.
"This is Merlin? You're Merlin?" Arthur looks at his father. "This is your friend Merlin?"
Merlin raises an eyebrow at Uther, who looks uncomfortable.
"Yes, well," Uther mutters stiffly. "We should be off."
"I don't get it," Arthur says blankly. "How do you even know each other?"
"He's Gaius's nephew," Uther says firmly. "Now, we should really - "
"Hello, Arthur," Merlin says loudly, holding out a hand to shake. "It's very nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."
Arthur shakes his hand, still looking a bit gobsmacked. "Obviously, the information has all been running one way," he says. "I'm sorry, that was rude. When my father told me he wanted me to meet a friend of his today, I was expecting someone a bit..."
"Older?" Merlin suggests brightly. "Wealthier? More heterosexual?"
Arthur chokes. "More - what?"
"Was that necessary?" Uther hisses, glaring at Merlin.
Merlin rolls his eyes. "You haven't told him anything, have you?"
"Wait," cuts in Arthur. "What?“
Merlin sighs. "After your...announcement," he explains, setting off up the street and leaving the other two with no choice but to follow, "your father decided he needed a bit more information. Which is apparently where I come in. I'm sort of like his gay tutor, it's hard to explain."
The look Arthur gives his father at that is truly priceless. "His gay...tutor," he says slowly.
"Yes," Merlin agrees, cheerfully watching Uther's face wash with red. "He turns up whenever he has questions or concerns. It's actually a bit sweet, in a really dysfunctional sort of way."
"Dysfunctional!" snaps Uther, affronted.
"The first time we met, he asked me how many STDs I have to get treated for per year," Merlin confides to Arthur, who makes an extremely undignified sound by way of response, and bleats,
"Father!“
Uther scowls at Merlin. "Are you quite finished?"
"Probably not," Merlin says pleasantly. "You have no one to blame but yourself. I warned you about matchmaking, you old bastard. You should have told him what was actually going on for yourself, and then I wouldn't have to."
Uther visibly grits his teeth. "Fine. Forget it. Do you have a destination in mind so we might actually eat sometime tonight, or is it your plan to drag us aimlessly around London for hours instead?"
Merlin had actually planned to take pity on Uther for once and choose a nice, nondescript pub somewhere, but he's feeling much less charitable than he was before he found himself being waved around in front of an unsuspecting Arthur like a gay chew toy, which is why he ends up maliciously saying, "Yes, there's a lovely kebab stand just ahead," instead.
Uther makes one of his 'ugh, unwashed peasant' faces. "Kebab...stand," he repeats darkly.
Merlin beams, victorious. "I'm sure you'll just love it."
Arthur, Merlin cannot help but notice, is gaping back and forth between the two of them like he honestly cannot understand the world at all anymore. Merlin can sympathise - he's been feeling much the same since Uther first stormed into his life.
"So," says Arthur a few minutes later, once they're all successfully in possession of their evening meal. Even Arthur looks a little uncomfortable with his, but it's nothing to Uther's hilarious pinched expression, and the way he's clutching his with two gloved fingers like he thinks it's about to explode in his face. "When you say 'gay tutor'..."
Uther sighs heavily, and marches off toward the park, leaving Arthur and Merlin to trail along behind him.
"Mostly, I answer his questions about gay culture and lifestyles," Merlin explains, taking pity on Arthur where he didn't for Uther. "Especially in the beginning, he just genuinely seemed to have no comprehension of how to relate to it at all, but...he really wanted to understand you. So I sort of became his research project somehow."
-cont'd-
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Arthur sighs, and covers half his face with one hand. "I had no idea," he mumbles. "Though, I did think he was dealing with it better than I expected - " He pauses, suddenly arrested, and glances at Merlin. "Are you by any chance responsible for the professionally gift-wrapped 'Gay Pride' present I got a few weeks back?"
Merlin flushes. "Yeah, we had a little miscommunication there I ended up getting flowers," he admits. "With a card. Congratulating me on my homosexuality. Don't worry, I've explained it better now."
Arthur laughs out loud at that, head tipped back, hair fairly glowing in the fading sunlight. Merlin forces himself to look at Uther instead, and inadvertently catches him in the act of discreetly binning his untouched kebab. He snorts.
"Be advised," he continues, loud enough to ensure that Uther can hear him, "He has progressed to the point of matchmaking now, so you'll want to keep an eye out for any new gay people he might happen to meet. I headed this one off at the pass, but don't be surprised if a lot of gay men start turning up at Sunday dinner."
Uther's shoulders stiffen, and Arthur looks amused.
"You headed this one off at the pass?" he asks, smirking. "Should I be offended, then?"
"Not at all, you're quite pretty," Merlin says brightly. "Only, I had to give your father the gay Talk a few months back, after he made the mistake of reading an article about gay health and welfare that included the phrase 'rectal tearing,' and I really feel like there are some lines you can just never come back from."
Arthur chokes on a bite of his kebab, staggers sideways, and almost tips right off the pavement. Merlin has to catch his arm and drag him back to steadier footing, laughing. Ahead of them, Uther has given up all pretense of inattention, and is glowering fiercely at Merlin.
Merlin smiles sunnily back.
"Oh, god," groans Arthur, once he can mostly breathe again. "Oh, god. I'm so sorry about him, I had no idea - "
"It's all right," Merlin says, smile softening. "Actually, I wasn't joking before when I said it was sort of sweet, really. He cares about you a lot, Arthur. It's been really important to him to understand what your life is like. He's...he's trying, you know?"
Arthur looks a little bemused, maybe a little awed. "Yes," he says quietly. "I suppose he really is, isn't he?"
***
Two days later, it's Arthur's turn to show up unannounced outside the coffee shop. Merlin quietly wonders why he even bothers to be surprised anymore.
"Arthur," he greets cautiously.
Arthur grins. "When I told my father I was coming here, he ordered me to 'wear denims and eat pizza.' Is there a story there that I should know?"
Merlin closes his eyes, and shakes his head. "Stubborn old bastard," he mutters. "Apparently he's not quite over the matchmaking thing yet. Oh well, he'll figure it out eventually. How's a pub sound instead? I could really use a pint."
It turns out that Arthur really just wants to know exactly what sorts of things his father has been asking Merlin about, which is fair enough. In his place, the curiosity would be killing Merlin too, so they settle in comfortably at the pub and spend nearly two hours laughing helplessly as Merlin works his way through the highlights of his Uther Experience.
Along the way, the conversation ends up sidetracked a bit, and they talk of other things for awhile - Merlin's two "real" relationships, and the ill-advised month he spent letting his well-meaning mates set him up on a series of blind dates from hell; Arthur's teenage years in the closet, denying his sexuality even to himself; Merlin's PFLAG-happy mother; what it was like to grow up as a child in the shadow of Uther's cold disapproval.
-cont'd-
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"The strangest thing of all was watching the way you talk to him," Arthur admits, halfway through the third pint. "I've never seen anyone but Morgana take him on like that, and with them - well, it's not nearly so friendly or lighthearted."
Merlin shrugs. "There's no reason for him to scare me," he offers. "He's not my boss, or my father, or anyone whose opinion I have to worry about, you know? I mean, he's my uncle's friend, but even if I mortally offended Uther and he hated me forever, Gaius wouldn't care. It's a lot easier to cut through all the bullshit when you've got nothing on the line."
Arthur acknowledges that with a vague nod. "But you...you actually seem to like him." Like this is another thing he cannot imagine. Fear, he could understand. Friendship, obviously, not so much.
"In the beginning, I just felt bad for him," Merlin admits. "He was horrible and offensive and he looked at me like I was an insect or something, but he was just trying so hard to get it, you know? I've had plenty of gay friends whose parents flat-out refused to accept it at all, either cut them out entirely or just...pretended it didn't exist, maybe tried to talk them out of it or insist that it's just a phase. Uther was an awful bigot, especially early on, but cutting ties or trying to change you was never even on the table. He was determined right from the start to change himself, for you, and that mattered enough to stick around."
Arthur stares at him for a long moment, and then smiles crookedly. "I don't suppose I could change your mind on the whole matchmaking idea, could I?"
Merlin laughs, even while he can feel himself blushing helplessly. "As if I'd give your father the satisfaction," he manages lightly, and Arthur laughs with him.
But his eyes are warm and intent when they finally say goodnight and go their separate ways, and Merlin staggers into the bedroom of his little attic flat and faceplants on his bed in despair.
"I am so fucked," he mumbles into his pillow..
***
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Also "Congrats on your homosexuality-flowers" LOL
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