Kink Me! #26

Oct 28, 2011 15:39



Kink Me! #26
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Welcome to Kink Me! Merlin #26!

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You will survive. [5/?] anonymous February 5 2012, 01:27:51 UTC
“You don't get it. How could you. Do you know how hard it is for me to see him like that. To feel completely useless. I need to help him Gaius” Merlin was back in the chamber he and the physician shared. This time Gwen had promised that she would not leave his side.
“Merlin, we don't want to do anything reckless, he could end up dead” said Gaius, trying to calm Merlin down
“If we don't do anything he could die anyway. How long before he gets a hold of something, how long before I fall asleep and he escapes me. I can't watch him all the time” Merlin was now pacing across the room.

“I'll visit an old friend, maybe they'll know what to do” said Gaius, backing away from anything breakable or sharp. “But, for now Merlin you must do you humanly best”

Merlin slammed the door behind him as he made his way back up to Arthur's Chambers. Taking a detour on the way, hoping to subside his anger, to make himself ready for today's hard task. He almost stumbled right into Gwaine who was trying to woo his way into a visiting lady's room.
“Hey Merlin” said Gwaine , turning his attention to Merlin “how's everything going?”
Merlin didn't respond. He wasn't in the mood for another round of this. He just wanted Arthur better. It was times like this he missed Lancelot. He missed having someone other than Gaius to talk about his magic with.
“That bad huh?” said Gwaine, gaining Merlin's attention again
“He is not getting better. Every time he does, I get my hopes up, and well there is nothing but disappointment at the end of that tunnel”

“Merlin, you're braver than half the knights. I-we can't. We couldn't do what you are doing. Myself I'd rather face the dragon than having to watch Arthur go through this”
“Suppose I should get a metal after this or something, something big that stands out” it was the first time in the last five days that Merlin had cracked any sort of attempted joke.
“Merlin, he'll be better before you know it”
“I hope so” responded Merlin before pushing his way into Arthur’s chambers

Merlin had not expect to find Gwen standing away from the bed, her arms were out stretched as if she were trying to catch something.
“YOU LIED” screamed Arthur
“Gwen, what is happening?” asked Merlin as he rushed into the room to find Arthur standing on the bed with a knitting needle in his hand
“I'm sorry, Merlin I just wanted to get something done” whimpered Gwen
Merlin wanted to reassure Gwen, that it was okay, that it was not her fault - but he couldn't lie.

Making his way towards Arthur, Merlin stretched out a hand “Arthur give me the needle”
“No she lied. My light it keeps leaving me in the darkness”
“Merlin I don't understand. I've lit all the lanterns in the room” said Gwen, as she gestured to the many lanterns that filled the room with light.

“Arthur give me the needle” repeated Merlin.
Arthur pushed his back against the bed frame, mumbling “I need it”
“No Arthur, you don't”

Merlin lunged onto the bed as Arthur brought the sharp tip of the needle onto his forearm, just below the already present bandages. Merlin's force on the bed made it unsteady, causing Arthur to fall over. Merlin crawled across the bed towards Arthur, slowly; trying not to spook the King.
Blood from Arthur's arm began to dirty the sheets as Arthur struggled away from Merlin, however instead of holding the knitting needle to himself he held it like a sword, trying to keep Merlin away, making his way back onto his feet

Merlin's eyes shined gold and the knitting needle flew from Arthur's hand onto the ground far away, Merlin heard a slight gasp from behind him as Gwen's hands came up to her mouth “Merlin you can't be”

Arthur dropped to his knees as Merlin moved closer, ignoring Gwen's presence. Arthur allowed Merlin to wrap his arms around him as he began to cry. Merlin's main concern for the moment was to look at the damage on Arthur's arm. Merlin couldn't help but let out a gasp, as he saw the cut was deeper than what lay under the bandages. Without thinking Merlin tore off his shirt, using it to apply pressure to Arthur's wound.
Arthur had managed to keep the cut short, and horizontal which made it easier for Merlin to apply pressure to.

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Re: You will survive. [5/?] leefdoor February 5 2012, 07:50:55 UTC
I love the way you write it and I'm kinda looking forward to what Arthur will say when he's himself again. Crazy or not, this Arthur seems to be very honest with himself and I love the way you write Merlin is with him.

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Re: You will survive. [5/?] anonymous February 5 2012, 20:18:59 UTC
This hurts so good. More soon, please?

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You will survive. [6/?] anonymous February 6 2012, 01:05:28 UTC
Trying to write this as much as I can, I've just been busy with a bit of social life at the moment, however that will go away soon and return to it's usual stupor
___

“Why Arthur?” asked Merlin, knowing he was not going to get a real answer, or at least one that would help.
“I don't want to go back to the darkness, if it ends then he can't get me anymore” whispered Arthur into Merlin's ear, moaning slightly as he moved his head onto Merlin's shoulder.

Arthur slowly rested his head on Merlin's bare shoulder, his ear pressing hard against Merlin's bone. Arthur turned his head towards Merlin who was now speaking to Gwen. He watched Merlin's mouth move with every syllable that reached his pink lips. Arthur wanted to reach out and touch them, let his fingers graze against them. The voices told him not to, they told him Merlin would leave him if he did such a thing. Arthur whispered to them, telling them they were wrong. Merlin was here for him. Merlin kept the darkness away. Merlin was his light and his light would keep the darkness away.

“Merlin, are you?” said Gwen, her eyes flicking down to Arthur.
“Yes” said Merlin, causing her to suck in her breath
“Why didn't you ever tell me?”
“How? Oh by the way Gwen I'm a-” Merlin didn't finish the sentence, instead he looked down at Arthur who was now wrapping his arms tightly around Merlin’s waist.
“Who else knows?”
“Gaius, and Lancelot knew” Merlin mumbled off the last of his sentence. He knew Gwen was still recovering from Lancelot's death, he knew she was still trying to hold herself together. Merlin could see how fragile she was, even if she couldn't see it herself

Gwen just stared at Merlin, her anger subsided from Merlin and was directed to her memory of Lancelot. How could he have never have told me she wondered, not able to understand why he kept something so important to himself. She was Merlin's friend too.
“Why didn't he ever tell me?” she whispered to Merlin
“I'm sure he wanted to, but it wasn't his secret was it?” said Merlin trying to reassure Gwen, but Merlin was already emotionally exhausted and stretched. “Gwen. I promise I'll tell you everything. Please just let me help Arthur get better first”
Gwen took a sharp breath before realising what she was doing to Merlin, she knew he was already in a panic over Arthur, he didn't need anything more on his plate “I wont tell anyone. I promise”

Merlin turned his attention back to Arthur who was humming to himself.

“Gwen could you get a bandage?” asked Merlin, nodding towards Arthur's arm that was now wrapped in a blood soaked shirt
“Oh, of course” said Gwen, leaving the chambers only to return seconds later with a bandages and ointments used for healing.

Once Arthur was patched up properly Gwen left. If Merlin were to be honest he did not think twice about Gwen after that, Merlin had a more important problem and he just hoped Gaius's friend knew something to bring Merlin’s Arthur back.

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Re: You will survive. [6/?] eiralys76 February 6 2012, 09:36:04 UTC
This is really evocative of a mental illness/ affliction in Arthur. It's incredibly moving that he keeps asking for Merlin as his light. I interpret that as Merlin's magic/ bond/ shared destiny with Arthur is the only thing that can reach him in this darkness. Gwen's ponderings to herself about Arthur feel melancholy and real at the same time. The reveal to Gwen is done SO WELL, because it's not over dramatic or over-played, but it is in a life-threatening moment for Arthur, where Merlin's human abilities would be overwhelmed.

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Re: You will survive. [6/?] anonymous February 7 2012, 01:59:13 UTC
Oh, I hope Gwen lets Merlin talk about the magic with her. She always has good advice.

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You will survive. [7/?] anonymous February 7 2012, 23:34:43 UTC
Merlin and Gwen took it in turns over the next few days nursing Arthur, at first Merlin had been cautious when leaving Arthur with Gwen, as the last time.. well he didn't need a reminder, but he got one anyway. Bandages covered Arthur’s left forearm completely. Gwen had promised that she would never bring anything into the room that was dangerous. On the fifth day Merlin got a chance to talk to Gwen about his Magic when Arthur went to sleep. As it was a particularly cold day Merlin sat with Arthur under the covers of the King's bed while Arthur slept. Merlin was able to explain to Gwen about his magic; that he hadn't and wouldn't use it to destroy Camelot, nor do anything to hurt Arthur. Gwen did not reassurance on that matter, but still Merlin told her. The question that lingered on Gwen's lips the entire time was: why hadn't Merlin told her sooner? Merlin tried to explain that he was scared for her. Maybe is Morgana knew that Gwen knew that he was Emry's Morgana would use it to hurt her.

It was difficult for Merlin to leave Arthur every time he and Gwen switched turns, if Merlin had his way he'd not leave Arthur until his body demanded it. Five days after Gaius had left to talk to his old friend he returned, in tale a large cart holding something that appeared to carry more than the castle library. Gwen had come and taken over for Merlin as Gaius's presence in the lower town was known throughout the kingdom.

Merlin was pacing in their shared chambers, waiting for Gaius, who was still making his way up to the main castle, as the towns people were asking for medical help that Gaius was happily providing.
It felt like hours before Gaius finally reached the room. Merlin had contemplated going down and helping Gaius, but didn't trust himself. The people of the lower towns and most of the kingdom did not know of Arthur's current condition, many believed that he had taken ill with a terrible fever. It was only a handful who knew of Arthur's current condition and Merlin didn't know if he could stop himself from asking Gaius if he knew anything to help their now damaged King.

As Gaius opened the door Merlin almost pounced on him, not even allowing the old man to have a rest from his journey.
“Gaius, please tell me you know something”
“Let an old man catch his breath” said Gaius as he took a nearby seat, his bag hitting the ground with a large thump. “My friend was useful, that much I know. He said he'd heard of something similar before. Alas they had not known the cure at that time and discovered it after the poor man hung himself from a balcony”
Merlin flinched as his mind danced over the moment in which he had found Arthur with his sheet wrapped around his neck, dangling from the large bed.
“When Arthur went missing for a few hours it appears someone had cast a spell on him, causing this terrible illness to be inflicted upon him. Before you say it, yes I suspect Morgana, but remember there are many other sorcerers who do wish harm on the King of Camelot”
“Gaius we pretty much thought that a spell was cast on him” said Merlin, his voice clearly trying to hide back his annoyance through gritted teeth.

“Look in my bag” said Gaius, clearly understanding Merlin's annoyance.

Merlin began to rummage through Gaius bag, pulling out a small A5 sized book. The title Magica written in gold, linking letters. Merlin fingered the indented letters, before opening the book to a random page
“Gaius, the whole book it is empty” said Merlin, before shutting the book, watching as the title disappeared before him
“Turn to page 394” said Gaius, who was watching Merlin stare at the book in confusion.

“I don't understand” said Merlin once turning to page 394, once again finding a blank page.
“It's a magic, magic book” said Gaius, nodding his head to the book “it only reveals itself to those with magic”
“I have magic, but why can't I see anything” demanded Merlin
“Ostendo it will show you what you need to see” responded Gaius as he picked his feet off the ground and placed them on a nearby stool, letting out a slight groan as he took off his shoes “I'm too old for such long travels” he murmured as Merlin spoke the word and opened to the right page

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You will survive. [8/?] anonymous February 9 2012, 02:05:25 UTC
As soon as the word left Merlin's lips words on the page began to slowly appear, letter by letter as if someone was writing it out at that very moment. Once the page was completely finished he began to read, trying to take in everything as quickly as possible.

“To reverse the curse one must convince the subject to look at life as something more than darkness, to look towards the light and take hold. -What does that even mean?” asked Merlin staring at the page.
“Merlin it means exactly what you think it means. You have to give a reason solid enough to Arthur to bring him from his current demeanor. You have to make him want to live. ” responded Gaius
“how could-that is just- who on earth- it's not fair” said Merlin, staring at the page. How on earth was he meant to make a man who saw death as a welcoming party want to live?
“Ah yes, some how that seems more difficult than the current situation” said Gaius
“You're not kidding” mumbled Merlin as he sat down on the closest chair.
Gaius got up from his chair and stood behind Merlin, resting a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort the young sorcerer

“I don't know what to do, what is a good enough reason to live?” asked Merlin
“You don't know?” responded Gaius
“Well I'm young, I just live because I'm meant to, because the dragon told me I'd be useful to Arthur”
“Merlin, you must think your life is worth something more than that?”
“What is more important than helping Arthur unite the land?” said Merlin as he stood up, letting Gaius's hand full from his shoulder. “I'm just a servant, a person who lives to serve”

“Merlin, sit down” said Gaius, gesturing to a chair nearby. Merlin obeyed. “You think your life is not of importance. What do you think would happen if you died? How would you're mother react? What would it do to her?
“-it would” began Merlin
“it would destroy her, your life is important to those who love you, me, your mother, Gwen and Arthur”

Merlin looked up when Gaius mentioned Arthur “he doesn't love me” said Merlin, looking down at his hands. “I’m just someone who cleans his boots, and mops his bedroom”

Gaius chuckled a little before speaking “Merlin, you really think that Arthur doesn't see your loyalty, your devotion, your love”
“He doesn't act like he does” mumbled Merlin
“Of course he doesn't. His father, well I watched Arthur grow up. Uther was never loving, he only praised Arthur on his greater achievements. I watched that boy struggle for the love of his father. There is a reason he can't show it, because no one ever really showed it to him,. The people love their king, yes, but because it is what is taught to them. Arthur doesn't understand true love the only person he ever had any type of connection with was Morgana, who betrayed him”

“You're just saying this to make me feel better”
“Merlin, honestly when do I ever tell you anything to make you feel better...can't think of any?” Giaus Paused and didn't continue until Merlin shook his head, Gaius had always been there for Merlin. He had always been honest with him as well. Only on a few occasions he had lied, but that was for Merlin's safety “Merlin you are a son to me, and in my book: love is honesty; that is something you'll always get from me”

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Re: You will survive. [8/?] anonymous February 9 2012, 02:38:45 UTC
Aww unsure!Merlin. Arthur and him will grow closer by this. Arthur already refers to Merlin as his light. Merlin just needs to see it. But maybe Gwen can help along with Gaius? Nice story!

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Re: You will survive. [8/?] anonymous February 9 2012, 04:00:58 UTC
I really liked "I live because I'm meant to." I like the idea that Merlin doesn't remember what it's like to live for his own sake. Nice. Can't wait for him to try to apply what he's learned.

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Re: You will survive. [8/?] leefdoor February 9 2012, 16:40:52 UTC
I like the way you have Merlin look at his own life because it's something that is (more or less) present in the canon. Merlin 'says' (more than once) that he trusts Arthur with his life but from his actions that seems only true because he hardly values it compared to Arthurs. The episode with the unicorn is a good example for that. It hardly ever gets adressed in fics so I very much hope that Arthur will help Merlin with that later (since it's not spell-induced it might even be harder than Arthur's problem). :) For now, looking forward to the next chapter!

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Re: You will survive. [8/?] anonymous February 10 2012, 00:49:40 UTC
Anon writer:
I'm not sure if I'm going to go far after the curse has been lifted, I just don't know so much where to take it afterwards, however things might change. I hope they do, I'm really enjoying writing this.

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You will survive. [9/?] anonymous February 10 2012, 00:52:43 UTC
Okay, so I'm trying to upload a new part each day, roughly an hour or so after I wake up -but I will aim for more if possible
___

Merlin sat staring at a piece of parchment in front of him, on the top he had written Reasons to live. How was Merlin to know something that he didn't really understand?. Merlin pressed the writing instrument to the parchment and wrote:
1. To prolong to eventual suffering of those to whom we love
Gaius came and went through the day, muttering something on the lines of Merlin's attitude being a little morbid about life

“Gaius, why did you bring books back from your travels?” Merlin had asked, when Gaius stopped back in their chambers to pick up an antidote for poison ivy, trying to get his mind to go anywhere else but to the question that now had taken camp in his mind.
“I needed a reason to leave the kingdom, I thought it was the best excuse. I’ve been meaning to collect these books from my old friend for a long time. Also I thought it would be the best excuse to bring a new book into the kingdom without suspicion”
“I doubt anyone would have noticed a blank book” murmured Merlin as he rested his head on his arms that were now folded in front of him on the table.

Gaius just looked at him, before turning his attention to the parchment,
“If you are struggling for reasons why you should live, why don't ask yourself why you think Arthur should live?” suggested Gaius, before turning and shuffling out the door with a large jar of ointment in his hand.

Merlin hadn't thought of it like that. There were so many reasons why he thought Arthur should live, but most of them were selfish reasons. Such as, if Arthur didn't live Merlin would properly be back at Ealdor with his friends and Family. Several years ago that wouldn't have been such an issue to Merlin, but now, Merlin had experienced to much of life to return to such simple duties. Merlin spend the next hour pressing his writing instrument to the page, only to reconsider the reason, brushing it off as unimportant. Merlin wanted Arthur alive, because Merlin needed him to be there, while Arthur could just replace Merlin with a few simple words. Yes, Gaius had said that Arthur apparently knew of Merlin's affections, and loyalty for him. However, had tipped toed around the fact that Arthur could not return these feelings, or if he had such feelings Arthur would never own up to them -Morgana had apparently rid him of that action. Merlin wanted to curse Morgana, make her back into the innocent ward he first knew. He wanted her to be the young women who had helped a young child of magic. However, Merlin couldn't help but think that helping Mordred was the commencement of Morgana's betrayal. It was with that boy she had first realised that Uther was wrong, and now Morgana deemed that Arthur must be the same.

Merlin got up, huffing and mumbling under his breath about the ridiculousness of the cure that would save Arthur, he found himself imagining easier tasks such as: wresting a live crocodile with only the use of his hands. Merlin had made his way into his own small room, and flopped himself onto his hard wooden bed. Merlin turned over trying to close his eyes. It wouldn't be long before he and Gwen were to switch again, and he needed some rest.

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You will survive. [10/?] anonymous February 11 2012, 00:12:18 UTC
Merlin was awoken by Gaius, what felt like only seconds after closing his eyes
“Gwen, said it was your turn” said Gaius, as he shook Merlin awake.
Merlin got up slowly, not trying to prolong his arrival to Arthur, but to Gwen. Things had been a little shaky since he had revealed his magic, not for their relationship, but for her. Gwen had returned to her old sullen self, something that had come about after Lancelot's death and Merlin felt guilty.
He felt guilty for creating a dent into her memory of the brave Lancelot.
Merlin owed more to Lance than she might know, Merlin often wondered how Gwen would feel about Merlin if she knew it was Lancelot who took Merlin's place.

Merlin headed towards Arthur's room, after making sure he was fully dressed, his hair was neat, and his shoes on tight. When he arrived he gave a quick nod to the guard who was passing by Arthur's door. He knocked twice, before entering. Gwen was sitting on the only chair in the room, something which Merlin had dragged into the chambers several days ago, after spending several hours sanding the chair down to make sure there were no sharp points. When Arthur returned he was not going to be pleased by Merlin's new additions either, Merlin had strapped roughly ten pillows down with magic. Merlin had more-a-less created a pillow mound, as one could no longer see the wooden chair below.

Gwen had her elbow resting on the armrest, and her head prompt up in her open palm. She had not noticed Merlin's arrival. Merlin stood behind her, resting his hand on her shoulder, something which Gaius often did to him, as a form of reassurance and affection. She turned her head to look up at Merlin, he could see her eyes were slightly red, from being strained open and large dark bags were stretching down her face.

“He's been awake most of the time, he hasn't struggled, he just keeps begging me to kill him” whispered Gwen.
Merlin understood Gwen's face more so now, it wasn't the strain of keeping her eyes open, but the redness of tears. It was difficult to watch someone beg for the end of their life. He was just lucky Gwen hadn't snapped and handed something to Arthur. Merlin couldn't help but think that Gwen was trying to repay Merlin for her earlier mistake with the knitting needle.
“Gaius knows of a cure” said Merlin sitting next to a now sleeping Merlin, putting his hand on Arthur's forehead, checking if the King had a fever, as he appeared to be sweaty.
“What is it?” asked Gwen
Merlin repeated the words in the book “To reverse the curse one must convince the subject to look at life as something more than darkness, to look towards the light and take hold”
Gwen just began laughing, her laugh light and quiet.
“I know” said Merlin, a light smile playing on his lips.
“Any ideas?” asked Gwen after calming down from her slight delusional laugh moment
“Not really” replied Merlin, as he took out the piece of parchment from his pocket, unfolding it and handed it to Gwen

“Little Morbid, Merlin” said Gwen reading the only idea on Merlin's list.
“That is what Gaius said” muttered Merlin as he removed his hand away from Arthur's forehead, finally convinced that Arthur was not experiencing any sort of fever.
“Gaius suggested I think about the reasons why I think Arthur should live, but Arthur never believed he would be a great king, there was too much doubt inflicted by Uther”
“What about love?” asked Gwen
“Oh that is right, let me just line up ever lady in the world and ask them to kiss Arthur” lightly mocked Merlin
“You know most wouldn't have an issue with that”
“Yeah, maybe you should give it ago” suggested Merlin “once upon a time I thought you and him would be together, he liked you, you liked him”
“Yeah, well once upon a time I used to dream about that, not being queen.. but being enough for Arthur. However, the thing is, I don't think he is enough for me anymore”

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Re: You will survive. [10/?] anonymous February 11 2012, 06:34:01 UTC
This hurts so good!

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Re: You will survive. [10/?] anonymous February 11 2012, 07:27:47 UTC
Anon writer:
Not quite sure if to take that as a positive or negative comment.

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