Kink Me! #23
Kink Me! #23
Closed to new prompts - go to the newest meme!Welcome to Kink Me! Merlin #23!
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Further Warnings: Spoilers for season 4, non con, kidnapping, violence
Merlin had told no one, of course, but he had discussed it with Arthur, reminded him that as future king of Camelot he would be expected to marry, and to produce heirs, and that Merlin could not help him with either. Keeping their affair a secret from Gwen crossed too many lines filled with deceit and dishonor. Arthur could not have both Guiniviere and Merlin, after all. They’d agreed that Merlin would continue as friend and advisor and manservant and pain in the royal arse, but could no longer share the prince’s bed or grant him release. Arthur had kissed him chastely and turned his back to him, but not before Merlin had seen the anguish in his blue eyes.
Walking out of Arthur’s chambers that day was excruciating, but Merlin did it. The conversation ended a chapter of Merlin’s life he had known could never be completed the way he’d wanted. It was the way things had to be, for the good of Camelot. But yet, somehow knowing this intellectually did not stem the constant ache in his chest, or the despairing feel that there were no chapters left for Merlin, that his destiny was to look after and protect a royal who had the chance to be happy with another’s comfort and love and body, while his was to be alone and to pine for him.
And even that, he knew, wasn’t quite accurate. He certainly had the chance not to be alone, to have a quick pull or real companionship with any number of the palace servants. There were dairy maids in town who smiled coyly in his direction, stable boys who looked at him with keen interest, and there was also Gwaine, whom Merlin considered a true friend and who had made it clear to Merlin that he had an open invitation to Gwaine’s bed if and whenever the idea should strike his fancy.
Merlin took no one up on the offers, implied or otherwise. There was only one that he wanted, and Merlin felt that since he couldn’t have him, it was his lot in life-his destiny, as it were-to be alone.
It also seemed as though it was Arthur’s lot in life to be surrounded by people he cared for, most of whom either died, betrayed him, or disappeared.
Lancelot, probably Arthur’s most trusted of the new knights, was lost and presumed dead in a terrible confrontation with Morgana and her sister Morgause, one that had left Merlin helpless and without his magic and unable to protect Lancelot or Arthur or even himself, for the better part of a fortnight. Of course, Arthur still knew nothing of his magic, or the loss thereof. Arthur’s stance after learning that Morgana had magic after her attempted coup, was to reiterate that magic corrupted even the good and no one with magic could ever be trusted. He declared that his father had been right all along, and vowed to uphold his decree.
Merlin had set his jaw and said nothing, but later, alone with Gaius in their chambers, had wept on his mentor’s shoulder.
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