Dont read if you dont want to hear me complain
why do I have to be so stupid sometimes honestly. I just cant understand why some of the things come out of my mouth when I know I shouldnt say them. No wonder I have no friends. Im suprised Jay even puts up with all my crap along with the HITS crew manly Carder cause thats who I talk to the most. I think maybe I should just keep to myself for awhile and not talk to anyone maybe that will make everything alright or maybe it will get me out of my down hill spiril that seems to be going on. I cant understand why I trust people so easily. Its like if someone tells me something about themselves I instantly trust them. Isnt that the stupiest thing you've ever heard? Im so pathetic its horrible. Why must I always complain too? Right now thats exactly what im doing and have no intention of stopping. Its sad that whenever something goes wrong I get so depressed like im upset over being in a stupid fight with Jay and its causing me to think about suicide..thats just stupid and I know it but yet those thoughts keep popping in my head over and over and over. Maybe im crazy or something that would be nice because at least I would know that there is a reason to my weirdness. and because im in a fight with Jay I dont have anyone to calm me down or tell me everything is going to be alright. Im also stupid for believing im actually Jays 2nd best friend thats bullshit you dont have more than one bf and I know Val is his second because he is in love with her. He probably doesnt give a shit about me and is just acting when around me. That wouldnt be unlikely its happend before. Also what is my all the sudden fasination with anarexia. Like im actually doing things now that are signs of anarexia. what the hell is wrong with me? I dont even no why I write in this fucking thing anyway all it does is give me an actual document about how stupid and how my life sucks. No one cares.