I'm back.
Hi!
For those of you not in the know, my brand new laptop got fried and died, so I had to wait until my most recent student loan refund came in, in order to be able to get a desktop, and consequently, a connection to the internet. NO I have not been ignoring anyone.
Should I not be around for any extended period of time, and you begin to worry, I hope that you will call me on my cell. you want my digits? Ask.
Love you all.
In the meantime, here's a response I just posted to a friend's post on being pigeon-holed inaccurately by some friendly neighborhood butches and femmes....
Critiques on the Butch/femme mystique, something I know alot about.
Oh god. Here we go....
Remember how I told you all about my identity and how I do not feel "at home" as a lesbian although I am about 96.5% 'mo by most people's standards? Well.....it seems that in the search to know one's identity and to establish a sense of community, some people within the world of lesbianhood, and in this case, specifically, the butch/femme community appear to have constructed a rigid sense about what it means to be either butch or femme. Funny, how those individuals got upset by the non-butch/femme-fitter-inner (pun intended) but yet they were so quick to speak about and categorize, those who do not match their conception of what it means to be "butch" or "femme".
As you and others are well aware, my sexual orientation and gender identity extends far beyond the reach of these seemingly socially acceptable categories.
I am destined to an exiled life....and I am glad. I do not like the silly "rules" and expectations placed upon women within the lesbian status-quo. That does not mean I take issue with lesbians; I identified that way for a long time, and I do, despite what others think I ought to be, identify as femme.
I will tell you though, that in the world of butch/femme I am considered a "Bad femme". In my youthfull and exuberant search for a community of people like myself, when I was apart of the butch/femme community I ultimately found a few things i just could not do.
See, good femmes are seemingly bound to the following:
-They only fuck butches
-They only bottom in the sack (pillow princesses)
-They are not dominant
-They do not typically have a butch for a submissive
-They are always "feminine" in appearance
-They ought not be bisexual openly, lest they be not taken seriously as a viable femme.
-They don't eat pussy
-Although transmen are now more accepted in the BF community, there were many times I was shunned for having Trans parters who identified as male. "You're not really a dyke, why don't you just fuck a man?".
Here are some butch/femme standards for butches that I also took issue with:
-Butches must be interrested in sports, undesireable outlooks on butch masculinity....in other words, Hyper-masculine.
-They do not enjoy crafty or otherwise "pretty" things other than who they are fucking.
-Butches are expected to uphold silly ideas about what it means to be feminine, in terms of their femme partners, which sometimes leads to butches perpetually using their femmes as competitive arm-candy.
-Butches are expected to not be submissive, nor bottom sexually.
-God forbid a butch have a Mistress/Femme Top.
-God forbid they fuck other butches.
-Butches do well by upholding a silly sense of asshole-ness....i.e. the perpetual "Bad boy" complex.
-Butches are the saviors of all femmes.
-God forbid butches be bisexual.
....and the lists go on and on.
See, I just can't fit into those boxes. Am I not femme?
I consider myself a world-class butch connoseur and enthusiast, but I cannot subscribe to such highly limiting and ignorant ideas about what should and should not take placein one;s life as it relates to their sexual and gender identities. Let's also note, that most importantly here, GENDER IDENTITY AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION ARE NOT ONE AND THE SAME. CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF.
Just take a look at my personal life, as an example, and you will see that clearly.
I could go on and on about this topic for days. So, I will stop now, and you know where to find me should you have any more questions regaurding my personal experience and ideas about this topic.
The jist of what I'm saying here, Allison, is that, I understand. I've been where you are.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Despite what some Nazi-like individuals may try to tell you.
To thine own self be true.
xoxo,
Lindsey