KINK KINK BANG BANG
All right, here is the MAIN POST for the Kiss Kiss Bang Bang kink meme!
The rules are thus:
-ONE prompt per comment. It may contain any pairing you like, any kink you like, any prompt you like, as long as it's nothing intentionally offensive ( Read more... )
The rules are thus:
-ONE prompt per comment. It may contain any pairing you like, any kink you like, any prompt you like, as long as it's nothing intentionally offensive ( Read more... )
“Hi,” he said, laying on the gay extra heavy. He was just a lisp and limp wrist from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. “Sorry, what’s all this about? Did we do something wrong?”
The security guard looked at us, and I just knew what he was thinking. You know, you’d think it’s something that I’d get used to, but it bugs the hell out of me every time. I could probably have my face buried in Harmony’s tits, and Perry would still be able to do something to make everyone think I was gay.
Perry shamelessly flirted with the guy before getting out his car registration from the glove box (and how he did that without the security guard seeing the guns is beyond me) and proved that it was his car and I was allowed to be there by myself. After that, the guy left us alone, and as soon as he was gone, the smile dropped from Perry’s face so fast that it almost scared me.
“Hey, that was not my fault,” I insisted. “You’re the one who left me alone in a dark parking lot with loaded guns. Which I’m not even supposed to be anywhere near, as you keep reminding me.”
Perry didn’t say anything. He just kept staring at me like he expected me to read his fucking mind or something. I hate it when he does that.
“Oh, fuck. I didn’t blow your cover, did I?” OK, I actually backed up to put some distance between us then, because when Perry gets pissed off, he gets scary.
“No,” he said. “Lucky for you. But I’m up here rescuing your ass instead of keeping an eye on the guy I’m supposed to be watching.”
I took another step back, just in case.
“Well, did you see which way he went?” I asked hopefully. I still had my binoculars, and tried to look around to see if maybe I could spot Rothstein, but all I saw was building and more building. And some neon lights, but apparently the parking garage exists in a black hole where nothing useful is visible.
“Yeah, up to his room,” Perry said, knocking the binoculars down from my face. “Now I just have to hope that he stayed there.”
“Oh.” As I watched him make sure that the car was all locked up, something occurred to me. “You know, this could have been a lot worse. What if he’d checked the glove box? He’d be calling the cops and I’d go to jail and it would be all your fault.”
Perry glared at me again and made me want to step very far away from him. “Please tell me you didn’t give him a reason to search my car.”
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Perry looked at the car for a minute before punching the air. “Fuck,” he spat. “You. You are off this case, and all cases, permanently. Starting now.”
“I didn’t do anything!” I said. Seriously, I thought I’d done what I was supposed to do. What the hell else could I have done? “You were showing me back there how to tail a guy, and now I’m not allowed to do this anymore? What? Am I fired? Is that what you’re trying to say?”
“No, I’m saying it’s pointless to teach you this stuff,” he said. “I’m just wasting my time.”
“Hey, fuck you,” I said. He started to walk away from me, but I followed after him. “I’m not the one who left me alone in a parking lot at three in the morning with a bunch of loaded guns. That’s all your fault, Slick.”
I tried to leave. I wanted to get as far the fuck away from him as I could, but he grabbed my arm and stopped me.
“Hey, just because you’re off the case doesn’t mean you’re off the clock,” he said. “If I call, you’d better come running.”
“Fuck you,” I said, shaking him off. “I’m going home.”
Perry laughed at me. “What are you going to do? Walk?” he asked. “It’s a four-hour drive. Don’t be an even bigger idiot than you already are.”
“Fuck you,” I repeated.
I did manage to walk away that time, and eventually found a huge fucking thing of stairs. There was probably an elevator somewhere, but I didn’t feel like looking. I just wanted to not be anywhere near Perry van Shrike for a long time. Not for the first time, I was tempted to quit, but then I remembered my million rejected applications and interviews from before and knew that I was stuck with the bastard whether I liked it or not.
Well, I didn’t go home. Or anything even close to it. I wandered around for a little bit, trying to find my way out of there, and sort of failing. While I was busy getting lost, I called Harmony, hoping she might still be up from the job she had that night, but the call went to her voice mail. I didn’t even think to wonder what that meant for the state of our relationship if she was getting home in the middle of the night and didn’t even care that I wasn’t there.
I left a message on her phone to let her know where I was and that I didn’t know when I’d be home, and then I texted Perry to ask what the fuck the plan was. He texted back almost immediately to say that I could pick up a room key from the front desk at the hotel. I hoped that meant that we got separate rooms, but somehow, I wasn’t hopeful. Perry can be such a fucking cheapskate sometimes. It’s unbelievable.
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Anyway, I was in this place maybe twenty minutes, not really sure why I was there except to avoid Perry, when this chick came up and flashed her bellybutton ring at me. She wasn’t like, smoking hot or anything, but she wasn’t completely homely either, so of course I talked to her. What I didn’t mean to do was keep talking to her until they started kicking everyone out at like, six in the morning.
Me and Bellybutton Chick left together, and normally, I wouldn’t have let her hang off of my arm like that, but I didn’t expect that my girlfriend would be looking for me out on the sidewalk. Which, let me tell you, when Harmony gets pissed, she gets really pissed.
“Harmony? What the hell are you doing here?” I asked.
“I could ask you the same thing, Harry,” Harmony said. “Who the hell is she?”
I looked over at Bellybutton Chick, and before I realised that I never got her name, she managed to get away and disappear into the crowd. Not that I could really blame her, though. I wouldn’t want to stick around for someone else’s argument, either.
“She’s nobody,” I said. “I was just having a drink and she showed up. Kinda like you. Seriously, how did you get here?”
“You said Vegas, and I got on a plane, Harry,” she said. “And then I came over here to find you hanging off some skank. You stick your tongue down her throat, too?”
“Hey!” I thought that just wasn’t fair at all, because we weren’t even dating yet when I did that. “That still doesn’t answer the question. What are you doing here? Like, right here. At this place.” I pointed at the sidewalk for emphasis. Because seriously, it was starting to weird me out. Harmony being there; not the sidewalk.
“Perry tracked your phone.” She said it like there was supposed to be a ‘duh’ at the end.
The fact that Perry could do that was a little scary though. I mean, like, did he do that all the time, or just when they wanted to find me? Jesus, either way, I didn’t want him doing that. Not that I have anything to hide, but fuck.
“That bastard!” OK, I admit, I may have sort of lost focus of what I was supposed to be doing.
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I didn’t follow her, but only because I was too busy trying to figure out what the hell had just happened. OK, not like that. But everything happened so quick that it was hard to figure out where I’d gone wrong in all that. I mean, not that I thought I did, or even now think so, but Harmony was obviously pissed off at something. Even though there were still some people out on the sidewalk, there weren’t a lot, probably because it was like, six in the morning, and all the sane people were going to bed. But I could see Harmony go into the Flamingo, but I didn’t follow after her because the last time I didn’t leave her alone when she said to, she cut off my finger.
Not sure what else to do, I pulled out my phone to see if I could tell if Perry was still tracking me. I never did actually figure it out, because I had three texts from Harmony that I didn’t even notice getting inside that damn bar.
“Fuck.” I kicked at some of the porno trading cards that were all over the sidewalk, but it wasn’t very satisfying.
But this was typical, though, wasn’t it? Harmony was pissed off at me; Perry had thrown me off the case. I was starting to wonder who else I could manage to piss off before going to sleep. Which, by the way, spoiler alert: that is a really stupid fucking thing to wonder, especially when you’re in this line of work. Also, for those of you who aren’t very genre-savvy, why the hell would I be telling you a story about the time I accidentally went to Las Vegas and nothing happened? I wouldn’t. That would be boring. Of course I managed to piss someone else off, because you all know that it wouldn’t have been Perry to get us into trouble.
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More to come later. This chapter is shaping up to be a monster, though. Sorry about that.
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