(no subject)
Time was, I would hammer on the keyboard here to get ready to write something more intricate elsewhere. Warm-up, work out the day's cares so they don't touch the day's efforts. Maybe this is me feeling my age. Maybe. My personal best of all time is around 30 pages a day. NaNoWriMo stuff. But that took a lot of thought & time. Obviously. But I still did other things. Now, I can knock out that volume but that's all I'm doing today & probably tomorrow too. Who knew this could wear you out?
It's probably just because I'm so angry all the time now. Like, a coherent anger that is focused on the various elements of the government. Maybe I'm gonna become a conspiracist or q-anon person. Probably not, but.
My Boy Brent is a UFOlogy person. Not as much as my old middle-school pal Aaron who, I think, still runs the CLE Ufology group. You talk to Brent & it's like typing here, he'll let you work out ideas & offer intuitive prompts. Anyhow he pays attention to UFO news (which I do not, at all) & says that when the gov't makes UFO announcements, the intention is to create a new kind of 'crazy person'. Basically it's an authoritarian move to define the social outliers into a group who is then derided by the mainstream. I can see that as a cold war strategy, sure. Creating a template that most people can use to ID the weirdos. Just that the state has a hand in defining who those are.
Obviously there's a big breakdown in what constitutes the mainstream. From my perspective it's just people who don't really pay much attention & don't really care. About half of the people. Half isn't enough for this type of thing to work right. Internet right? We break off to work in groups & ended up being isolated enclaves who's identities are nonstandard. If 80% of people watch network television every day - well, then you can stir up animosity toward a few outliers no matter how well meaning they are. With 50%, the plurality makes the mainstream less & less viable a place to sit. Erosion of social order not helped at all by the monopolies that run shit. It's tough out there. There's been an end to communities, people are just living in downwardly spiraling plantations with only one thing demanded of them - serve capitol without pause, die for the whims of a rich person.
Look, I know I've always been weird. I've got multiple friends who are UFO researchers. But I don't think I'm really delusional. I think the decay of things has really overwhelmed us all at once, maybe with a sense of finality to it. Terminal states. But, I was raised in an apocalyptic tradition, I was born under the threat of the bomb. I have to interrogate my suppositions here. There's a future, sure, but it's harder & harder to see a good future in which the united states continues to exist. And that's the crazy thing I've come to believe. Is it so outlandish? I'm permanently self-conscious about being too weird or crazy. As a fringe-dweller it's a real problem. I've always been in favor of the destruction of countries but it's like - more people are saying this than were before. Pressure mounting.
I think this is why when it's time to pick the president the options are shitty old men. They're the most adjacent to the vanishing mainstream, they're the only ones old enough to remember the world before they personally involved themselves in its destruction & they can present it as a prop. They're just saying, you are crazy if you think this is bad or stupid. You're a fool to not love these institutions bent on crushing you & making your life worse. Without those there'd be...
More & more the things that they are saying Must Be are the things standing between people & happiness, peace & a prosperous future. They can't offer a future because they've already destroyed it so nostalgia. It's all very terrible & I don't know how to shake it off (I mean, besides just shaking it off, I'm a perfect expert at Acting Right & don't bother people unprompted with my concepts). Maybe it's just a cold day after a few cold days that makes things seem bleak, but they sure as fuck seem bleak. I just don't want to be turning into some boomer weirdo with bumper-stickers and novelty hats. I worry that my prognosis is flawed & leading me into a shitty place. I try to remember: Never buy the things that these people sell you. Don't sink costs & you'll never actually be in a cult. Never give them money, I guess, and then at least you're not a sucker even if you've been wrong all along.