(no subject)
One of those nights where I just couldn't sleep. I tend to rely on pills when that comes up but maybe I'm taking a break. Maybe I'm changing and just don't need to sleep as much now. I think about running around & getting into late-night actions to be, I don't know - just to live more instead of laying sleeplessly thinking useless thoughts. The weather isn't cooperative though. Could also be the reason I couldn't sleep. Rain rain & not stopping with the rain. Cold too. But it's maybe going to be all tornadoes all day today. The weather map I saw just has a big 'Severe AF" violet smudge covering the middle of the state. I mean. I haven't slept & am grouchy so my wish for today would be that there would be 10 consecutive hours of tornadoes in Franklin county. I sure do hate Columbus.
Actually I'm surprised when other people don't. I think it's to do with college football. This will always make me feel like an inauthentic american because wtf with football? There's going to be billion dollar ransom that CLE will pay to already rich assholes to build a new football stadium. This makes no sense to me. When Model took the browns to baltimore I thought & still do that it was the best thing that could have happened to the city. But they got together & moved the world to get a new football team.
Maybe it's just downtown thinking. I spent a bunch of time down there yesterday, well. Sunday. Days mixing together, it's like a call back to old LJ. If there was some dancing to do I'd be right back to it. Anyhow - downtown you know, Sherwin Williams skyscraper is almost done. I still think it's silly that it's just glass & steel instead of something fun & clever, it's a paint company! Supposedly on completion it will be fun & there's a big element on the front face that's missing which I guess will be some kind of LED feature with colors. Which they'll probably just light as orange for the stupid browns all the time.
You have to go downtown to cross the city, or well to get to my mom's neighborhood. Easter, fun - good times with the Egyptians, Easter > Xmas for the orthodox & orthodox-adjacent. Cousins are all married up & adult but still my little cousins, they got excited to play pokemon go & I was delighted - it's fun to do team events with your people. I haven't dusted that thing off since... Really since I started WFH all the time. So downtown in the morning & then in the evening. I'm thinking about all the indigents out in the world & kind of their states. Like, in the morning there's very old looking men who I barely register. My hearing isn't good but they come at you with some insistence so I snap to & realize they're asking me. The point I'm always making to those fellas is - "How come you beg people on public transit? We're all poor." seems to have prevailed in the indigent world. The answer, for your records is, "People on the bus carry cash & nobody else does." So the RTA app is I guess anti-homeless infrastructure. I almost never have cash on me. I have to plan ahead. I used to share cigarettes as a show of solidarity but I had to give those up. So now it's just a "good luck." All I got.
Grouchy though. I'm thinking about getting back on my controlled substance prescription & I'm irritated by the prospect of having to jump through hoops to get more. I end up thinking about the masses of drug addicts you see all over all the time & I just see the failure of the state over & over. Why is there a DEA? I mean - I know why, but we can all see the legal-rules based system is a terrible failure, that the state exists only to subjugate us. It's clearer & clearer every day. We all know they'd murder us just like they do the Palestinians & the Plains Indians if we end up standing on top of something they want.
It's clear as the air to me anyway. Same as the foolishness of a new football stadium. I'm just consistently surprised by how solitary my perspective has ended up being. I don't understand what keeps people believing in the moribund zombie country we're trapped in.