One thing you should definitely realize is that we're all reading your livejournal because we like you and want to know what's going on in your life. Nobody is going to get upset at you for posting your own thoughts on your own journal. That's what it's there for! And don't worry about a man period
Sexuality is something that is fluid and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be seen as feminine or masculine. Once again, your friends aren't going to care which you affiliate with, or which traits you mix or anything of that sort. Your earlier post using the term gender identity makes me wonder if you mean in the sense of being trans. In which case that is something more serious and personal to discuss (most likely) than in a livejournal comment section. Though I would say that nobody would care! Your personality is what makes us like you, not whether you feel masculine or feminine or both or neither.
The Internet has a lot of flaws when using it as your only regular source of communication with friends but it has benefits. Gender being something that can be completely changed on a whim being one of them. In my earlier years online the trans people I knew, I had no idea. Everybody addressed them with female nouns and thus so did I. Being young and dumb I probably wouldn't have realized it would be disrespectful to not do so at the time. I always refer to Kaittycat as Kaitty around my friends, whether that means physicially being in his presence and talking to him or telling my local friends who have no idea who he is about him. The internet lets you throw away gender and define your own in any way and I can imagine that can be satisfying to be able to sort of test the waters and see how you act and how others act towards you when they have no idea what your gender is.
You then mention your mother doing the cooking again. This one seems like a clear symptom of depression to me. Your love of cooking seems like such a defining trait for you that I can't imagine you not being interested in doing so unless you were feeling depressed.
I am the worst person to give advice on too much time spent playing videogames. I'm going to hit 666 hours of pyro soon!
Perhaps the paragraph on your friend being emotionally harmful whether he means to be or not could be a cause of this depression! You have friends all around the country, and while it would certainly be great to have local friends too do realize that you do have us. Want to know a secret? Friends aren't better because they're local. I like my local friends and they are good people and fun to hang around with, but if all the people I knew on irc were also within 30 minutes of driving I would not be spending much time with those local friends. I'd never want to lose the people I've met online. They mean the world to me.
I know what it's like to have a father that you know isn't really this awful evil monster but you can't help but wish he wasn't around. It's easy for me to hate my father but thinking about the friends I have in the past and their parents, oh my god I have no idea how they lived together.
Sexuality is something that is fluid and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be seen as feminine or masculine. Once again, your friends aren't going to care which you affiliate with, or which traits you mix or anything of that sort. Your earlier post using the term gender identity makes me wonder if you mean in the sense of being trans. In which case that is something more serious and personal to discuss (most likely) than in a livejournal comment section. Though I would say that nobody would care! Your personality is what makes us like you, not whether you feel masculine or feminine or both or neither.
The Internet has a lot of flaws when using it as your only regular source of communication with friends but it has benefits. Gender being something that can be completely changed on a whim being one of them. In my earlier years online the trans people I knew, I had no idea. Everybody addressed them with female nouns and thus so did I. Being young and dumb I probably wouldn't have realized it would be disrespectful to not do so at the time. I always refer to Kaittycat as Kaitty around my friends, whether that means physicially being in his presence and talking to him or telling my local friends who have no idea who he is about him. The internet lets you throw away gender and define your own in any way and I can imagine that can be satisfying to be able to sort of test the waters and see how you act and how others act towards you when they have no idea what your gender is.
You then mention your mother doing the cooking again. This one seems like a clear symptom of depression to me. Your love of cooking seems like such a defining trait for you that I can't imagine you not being interested in doing so unless you were feeling depressed.
I am the worst person to give advice on too much time spent playing videogames. I'm going to hit 666 hours of pyro soon!
Perhaps the paragraph on your friend being emotionally harmful whether he means to be or not could be a cause of this depression! You have friends all around the country, and while it would certainly be great to have local friends too do realize that you do have us. Want to know a secret? Friends aren't better because they're local. I like my local friends and they are good people and fun to hang around with, but if all the people I knew on irc were also within 30 minutes of driving I would not be spending much time with those local friends. I'd never want to lose the people I've met online. They mean the world to me.
I know what it's like to have a father that you know isn't really this awful evil monster but you can't help but wish he wasn't around. It's easy for me to hate my father but thinking about the friends I have in the past and their parents, oh my god I have no idea how they lived together.
So those are some thoughts!
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You are such a great guy.
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