(D.Gray-man ficlet) Pieces of his soul on the floor
Title: Pieces of his soul on the floor
Rating: PG-13.
Genre: Tragedy. Angst. And so on. Seriously, this is not something nice and easy to read.
Warnings: Emotional disorder.
Disclaimer: Do not own, never will.
Summary: Kanda remembers and breaks himself meanwhile.
Words count: Exactly 500 words.
Notes: Oh my. That’s all I can say. This one is the darkest and scariest and most depressing piece I’ve ever written, so be warned! Also, the text may be hard to read and quite confusing since I wanted to express Kanda’s feelings as they came to me.
Unbeta’d ( cataclysmatic; SORRY! I was too anxious to post this, and I know you are still working with ‘’…but that’s okay’’ and didn’t want to make you work too hard ^_^ )
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Some days are bad.
Some days are even worse.
Those days Kanda doesn’t want to get up at all. But he does eventually because it ‘s 4 p.m. already. Expect when the days are even worse. Then he sleeps through the day.
Some days are almost bearable.
Those days Kanda is almost happy but not really since he has screwed up.
Kanda thinks there has been one good day he doesn’t remember why it was a good day but he knows it was a good day.
When it’s really bad day only that memory keeps him from falling apart.
When it’s even worse day Kanda doesn’t want to remember because it only hurts hurts hurts and he doesn’t want to hurt anymore.
At nights when he sleeps but not really because he has slept all day already he remembers.
He remembers: Lavi sun happy Kanda pain tears redredred as Lavi’s kisses sky stars happy cruel Yuu Lavi Lavi Lavi happy. And tears and pain and cruel and hate and love and Lavi. Always Lavi.
Kanda thinks it was him who left but he doesn’t remember and he wants to blame Lavi and the pain would go away except it doesn’t it never does and maybe it’s okay.
Kanda thinks that if he met Lavi now what would he say.
Because when he dreams he sees the moment so clearly and it breaks him little bit more every time when he remembers it really isn’t true.
It goes almost like this although it really doesn’t because he isn’t sure how it really goes when it is day but when it’s night Kanda thinks it goes like this: Kanda would come back and Lavi would never let him go anymore and wouldn’t hate Kanda for what he did idiot idiot idiot and Lavi would kiss him and hold him like he did when it was before.
When it is day it takes time to remember because only things that come to Kanda’s mind are: He would come back and Lavi wouldn’t even see him anymore because what he did because he left him and never went back and Lavi wouldn’t kiss him and hold him anymore and would hate Kanda for what he did stupid stupid stupid.
That’s how it really would go.
So Kanda wants to sleep through his days and forget until there’s nothing to remember.
He wants to forget Lavi.
And it breaks his heart when he thinks about forgetting Lavi his Lavi his lover his life his soul his everything. It breaks him until there is only pieces so small no one can fix him not even Lavi who can fix everything but not this because Kanda left him and never came back.
Some days are bad.
Some days are even worse.
Those days Kanda doesn’t want to get up at all. But he does eventually because it ‘s 4 p.m. already. Expect when the days are even worse. Then he remembers Lavi and breaks little bit more.
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I won’t say I hoped you liked this one. Actually, I’m too upset to say anything right now. I need to get this out of my system and write something happy and funny and fluffy with happy ending.
I'm not sure what (D.Gray-man related) I'd write next, but I've two good ideas. ^_^ So, I made a poll What should I write next? if you want to help me decide :)