(no subject)
Hols in Birkenhead! So sound to see me family again. All ten of them.
Mam's first words when she seen me was "Well slap me in the face with a finnon haddie!" I didn't bother writin' to tell her about me vanity fair, so everyone was right gobsmacked. Mam an the girls think its smashing, but the lads keep takin' the piss outta me. Wankers.
It's a right starking madhouse here though. Nobody'll belt up. I tried to duck out for a sit in the garden so I could get a bit of time to think but Leroy, 'Raja and Caesar came out for a quick spot of footie and made me play with 'em. Queenelle has taken up half the kitchen table to teach Princessa to put on makeup, and Mam's got the other half covered with mincer crust and apples. No dinner though. Me belly thinks me throat's cut and she won't give me nothin. Begged her for a conny onny butty but she told me where to go. Go upstairs and eat the donkey, she says. No fair.
Rex has brought his missus and tiddler home and Da's proud as punch. Between cooing into the Moses basket and pattin' Rex's wife on the hand, he keeps asking after Reginald's love life. Poor Da's got no clue that ol' Reggie's a pouf. I ain't going to be the one t'tell him, that's fe se. Like my railings where they is, I do.
And Pharoah took me out for a few scoops. Always knew he was me favorite.
I think me brothers are lookin' to get up to the strokes tonight, so I'd best go and get meself included, else they'll leave me home pickin' me boodle.
Happy Crimbo, everyone!
Mam's first words when she seen me was "Well slap me in the face with a finnon haddie!" I didn't bother writin' to tell her about me vanity fair, so everyone was right gobsmacked. Mam an the girls think its smashing, but the lads keep takin' the piss outta me. Wankers.
It's a right starking madhouse here though. Nobody'll belt up. I tried to duck out for a sit in the garden so I could get a bit of time to think but Leroy, 'Raja and Caesar came out for a quick spot of footie and made me play with 'em. Queenelle has taken up half the kitchen table to teach Princessa to put on makeup, and Mam's got the other half covered with mincer crust and apples. No dinner though. Me belly thinks me throat's cut and she won't give me nothin. Begged her for a conny onny butty but she told me where to go. Go upstairs and eat the donkey, she says. No fair.
Rex has brought his missus and tiddler home and Da's proud as punch. Between cooing into the Moses basket and pattin' Rex's wife on the hand, he keeps asking after Reginald's love life. Poor Da's got no clue that ol' Reggie's a pouf. I ain't going to be the one t'tell him, that's fe se. Like my railings where they is, I do.
And Pharoah took me out for a few scoops. Always knew he was me favorite.
I think me brothers are lookin' to get up to the strokes tonight, so I'd best go and get meself included, else they'll leave me home pickin' me boodle.
Happy Crimbo, everyone!