(no subject)
it's funny how you dont register all the small tiny changes that occur in a person or place until you remove yourself completely and reflect. i remember loving the brown and white interior colors of our house when we moved in fourteen years ago. i ran all over the house for at least a week. Then the outside got painted. then the inside was painted. then each room was redone, and you'd think it would strike me since i sat there and watched it all happen. at first the changes struck me as offensive; you can't change this house....this is MY house. but when i think about it now i have more awe and less longing. it's not my house. the times when it was my house i never knew it. and now that i want it to be my house i know that it's not.
i wonder who will know (or care) that i have climbed into or out of every window on the first floor. or that my grandmother died here (it rained toys the night of her funeral). all of the summers we spent parading around my backyard looking for the three good cherries we could eat from the now non-existant tree. the cats that were born in our back yard the year we moved here and lasted almost as long as i did at this house. all the christmas parties we threw and the birthday parties that never went right. the forts i used to build with the furniture we don't own anymore.
how hard will it be to remember all this when i'm not here to see it?
i wonder who will know (or care) that i have climbed into or out of every window on the first floor. or that my grandmother died here (it rained toys the night of her funeral). all of the summers we spent parading around my backyard looking for the three good cherries we could eat from the now non-existant tree. the cats that were born in our back yard the year we moved here and lasted almost as long as i did at this house. all the christmas parties we threw and the birthday parties that never went right. the forts i used to build with the furniture we don't own anymore.
how hard will it be to remember all this when i'm not here to see it?