(no subject)
Why is it that October just feels better than September.
I'm not exaggerating when I say that so far 2009 has been a shitty year. I feel like it's been a shitty time since... well since right before my grandfather died. Ever since then it's been a parade of awful punctuated by tiny little moments of good. Election night was good, getting the new apartment was good, Graduating was good, and a few other genuinely happy moments sprinkled here and there. But overall It's been a real down cycle.
But why was it that when I woke up yesterday, and the air was cold and I realized that instead of the usual khaki shorts I'd have to wear pants, and instead of a t-shirt or short sleeved shirt I'd have to switch to a warmer long sleeve... why did that make me instantly feel better? Why do I suddenly feel in control of my life when for so long I've felt like every single thing I've dealt with since June of last year has been completely beyond my control. Nothing has outwardly changed. I'm still in limbo on getting Daisy together, I still haven't found a job here in New York, and I still don't know what my life path is going to look like. But the calender flips to October and suddenly I feel better. A bizarre sort of serene confidence. I mean I've gotten a new opportunity, but like everything else, it's fleeting and certainly isn't going to have any sort of immediate impact on my life. A year from now maybe it'll bear fruit, but not now.
I don't know, maybe it's a fleeting thing. Maybe it's just that peaceful calm you get when you're drowning. And tomorrow I'll get some sort of bad news that will just hammer the hell out of me and keep me in this continual down cycle. Something will reach up and grab my ankles and drag me back down. It's certainly been happening a lot over the past two years. We'll see.
I'm not exaggerating when I say that so far 2009 has been a shitty year. I feel like it's been a shitty time since... well since right before my grandfather died. Ever since then it's been a parade of awful punctuated by tiny little moments of good. Election night was good, getting the new apartment was good, Graduating was good, and a few other genuinely happy moments sprinkled here and there. But overall It's been a real down cycle.
But why was it that when I woke up yesterday, and the air was cold and I realized that instead of the usual khaki shorts I'd have to wear pants, and instead of a t-shirt or short sleeved shirt I'd have to switch to a warmer long sleeve... why did that make me instantly feel better? Why do I suddenly feel in control of my life when for so long I've felt like every single thing I've dealt with since June of last year has been completely beyond my control. Nothing has outwardly changed. I'm still in limbo on getting Daisy together, I still haven't found a job here in New York, and I still don't know what my life path is going to look like. But the calender flips to October and suddenly I feel better. A bizarre sort of serene confidence. I mean I've gotten a new opportunity, but like everything else, it's fleeting and certainly isn't going to have any sort of immediate impact on my life. A year from now maybe it'll bear fruit, but not now.
I don't know, maybe it's a fleeting thing. Maybe it's just that peaceful calm you get when you're drowning. And tomorrow I'll get some sort of bad news that will just hammer the hell out of me and keep me in this continual down cycle. Something will reach up and grab my ankles and drag me back down. It's certainly been happening a lot over the past two years. We'll see.