(no subject)
Just when life seemed to be getting normal, it kicked me in the ass. Not too hard, but enough to jolt me awake. I had a seizure last month, so no car and lots of strong psychoactive medicine for at least six months. My meds are the most popular seizure medicine in England and I know why now: it makes me drunk. Side effects include dizziness, loss of coordination, drowsiness AND insomnia, vomiting(luckily hasn't quite happened yet), and apparently, the innability to stop talking or singing(worse than usual I mean). I don't feel right, always so anxious and emotional, and everytime I get adjusted the dose is increased.
But getting to the point: I realized that I've been ignoring the anger and dissappointment in myself for months. I ignored or pushed away a lot of people who really care about me and who I really care about because of one simple fact: I'm a scared little boy who can't handle life except by running away. To everyone I hurt, I'm sorry... It sometimes seems so much easier to throw away the gems in my life and admire them in melancholy reminiscence than to deal with real feelings and relationships with people. I'm scared of the world without and within. I have no excuses.
I miss so many people and it's hard not to give in to anger regret sometimes. But there's always tomorrow...
The meds are kicking in, it's hard to type coherently now. Goodnight...
But getting to the point: I realized that I've been ignoring the anger and dissappointment in myself for months. I ignored or pushed away a lot of people who really care about me and who I really care about because of one simple fact: I'm a scared little boy who can't handle life except by running away. To everyone I hurt, I'm sorry... It sometimes seems so much easier to throw away the gems in my life and admire them in melancholy reminiscence than to deal with real feelings and relationships with people. I'm scared of the world without and within. I have no excuses.
I miss so many people and it's hard not to give in to anger regret sometimes. But there's always tomorrow...
The meds are kicking in, it's hard to type coherently now. Goodnight...