"So, does somebody have a plan that's not stupid??"
This semester has been so weird, on one hand I feel so confident about everything. I understand, for the most part, what's being said in my classes, I'm on the provost list, in short I know what I'm doing in my major and that is so gratifying. On the other hand I'm just so apathetic. I sit through literary criticism and all I can think is, "when can I get out of here?" It's the same thing in teaching composition; but that's simply because the teacher is a souless witch and I wish someone could just wipe off that constipated expression she always seems to have on her face off of it. Okay, this is a bit unfair, she's a perfectly nice person (I'm not exagerrating about the constipated expression though...); I'm just disappointed. Teaching compostion was supposed to be this amazing class that I would look forward to all week. Instead it's this class where the work, albeit not difficult, is just ceaseless. There's always something to be done for the class. Although I do get to observe English 103 taught by one of the best teachers I've ever had. I have to concentrate on the fact I have learned a lot from these observations and teaching is something I can see myself doing, and maybe even being good at. You can't win 'em all I guess :/
Found out something incredibly scary today. I was preparing my possible schedule for the fall (my last fall semester as an undergrad [AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH] ). I was really worried because I thought I would have to take eighteen units each semester in order to graduate in May. A thought that I didn't even want to think of. Fifteen units seems about as much as I can deal with and still be sane. So I went through everything and, as it turns out, if I take fifteen units in the fall, and a PE during interterm, I only need to take three classes in the Spring and I am done. The thing that makes this so scary for me is it means I am so close to this perceived end. To being the adult I don't really see myself as. It's a thought I can't quite grasp. I can't see myself as anything but a student. After all, it's all I've ever been. Although I will be going back to school in order to get my teaching credentials it doesn't strike me as the same thing. What's more, I can't decide where to get my credentials. I've always had this plan in my head to go to UH and get my credentials. Then I started saying, "well, if I get a too-good-to-be-true offer then I'll take it." Now I'm saying, "well, if I get my credentials in California, I can teach wherever I want throughout the US, so it might be worth getting them at Chapman." What's confusing everything is I've met so many great people and the thought that going back to Hawaii means leaving these people makes me really sad. But then, Hawaii is still home, I love it there. I walk off the plane and there is this incredible sense of relaxation that swarms over me. There's nothing like it in the world. I've loved my time in California, but I can't live here. If I only I can do what I've been doing (going back forth for christmas and summer). Oh wells, I just need to go with the flow. Life will take me where it wants to. I have decided though that I am going to apply for both the Chapman and UH credential program. If I get into both, well, I'll just make that decision when the time comes. I think that's the thing I need to keep reminding myself. I'll end up where I belong.
Found out something incredibly scary today. I was preparing my possible schedule for the fall (my last fall semester as an undergrad [AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH] ). I was really worried because I thought I would have to take eighteen units each semester in order to graduate in May. A thought that I didn't even want to think of. Fifteen units seems about as much as I can deal with and still be sane. So I went through everything and, as it turns out, if I take fifteen units in the fall, and a PE during interterm, I only need to take three classes in the Spring and I am done. The thing that makes this so scary for me is it means I am so close to this perceived end. To being the adult I don't really see myself as. It's a thought I can't quite grasp. I can't see myself as anything but a student. After all, it's all I've ever been. Although I will be going back to school in order to get my teaching credentials it doesn't strike me as the same thing. What's more, I can't decide where to get my credentials. I've always had this plan in my head to go to UH and get my credentials. Then I started saying, "well, if I get a too-good-to-be-true offer then I'll take it." Now I'm saying, "well, if I get my credentials in California, I can teach wherever I want throughout the US, so it might be worth getting them at Chapman." What's confusing everything is I've met so many great people and the thought that going back to Hawaii means leaving these people makes me really sad. But then, Hawaii is still home, I love it there. I walk off the plane and there is this incredible sense of relaxation that swarms over me. There's nothing like it in the world. I've loved my time in California, but I can't live here. If I only I can do what I've been doing (going back forth for christmas and summer). Oh wells, I just need to go with the flow. Life will take me where it wants to. I have decided though that I am going to apply for both the Chapman and UH credential program. If I get into both, well, I'll just make that decision when the time comes. I think that's the thing I need to keep reminding myself. I'll end up where I belong.