Question Month - Round 3: Popularity, People, and Personas
chulo_los admittedly recycles a question and sends it my way asking:
I'm going to take a page out of boyshapedbox's response and preface this by saying that almost any response is going to make me sound like a douchebag but I'll give it a go all the same.
Does it bother you being so popular? (I'm not trying to be an ass and I don't want you to think that you woudl come off as conceited, but admit it, in the "bear world" you are well known.)
Short answer: I don't really see myself that way.
Long Answer: The only time it really comes up is if I go to a bear event or something and someone comes up and asks me if I run a website. And when that happens, well, that's pretty cool. Especially if it's someone who came out because of the site or went to the site when they were young and found solace (or just plane inspiration - heheh) from it.
Having people know me never really bothers me. It's odd sometimes when someone will say "Hey, you're Kingfuraday". I usually respond with "Naw, I'm Brian" but I can't even do that anymore with me using Kingfuraday as my chat handle and LJ handle. Heheh. I think LJ helps remind folks that I'm just me and just me is a lot like just them.
How do you deal with it and how does it feel?
Short Answer: How do you feel at any given time during the day? It feels just like that.
Long Answer: My friends here in SoCal and elsewhere do a damn fine job of keeping me grounded. I don't think they'd allow me to let my head get too big. But I will say, sometimes it's weird having a big online presence. Knowing that people know me and that I don't really know them in return. That can be sorta odd. But I put myself out there so it's my own doing. There are times when I wish I could just take it all down and just be anonymous but I don't really have that kind of personality. I'm the Leo. I'm the guy who enjoys the spotlight (and who prefers to control it too). I deal with it all by not giving it much thought. I just live my life and put (most of it) out there. I think I do it because I appreciate it a lot with I see other people do the same. And by that I just mean trying to own your shit. Share yourself and increase the ability for people to relate to each other.
And speaking of boyshapedbox, Dicky asks:
You have a wonderful circle of friends that you often talk about hanging out with in person on a regular basis.
Thank you, I agree... They are fucking awesome
Do you find it odd when people, such as myself, only really know you online (although we did briefly meet in person) and only read about you and see you in photos but consider you a friend? As in, "My friend Brian wrote in his LJ that he loves rollercoasters and spotting hot dads in the wild."
Sometimes it can be odd. With LJ, Facebook, my website, and the podcast there is ample opportunity to know me. But it's a lot like IMing with a guy on a chat site. You get a sense of the person and feel for them. But you don't really know them until you meet them face to face and spend time with them. The interenetz are pretty awesome, but they can't really capture and allow you to test the true chemistry that comes from realtime interaction.
At the same time, there's a reason why I gave you a big fat hug when I finally met you. It was because I felt like I already knew you so well and that you were someone I wanted to know. That happens a lot too. Zach from Philly is a good example. We talked on LJ and online a bit and I had a sense of him and knew I wanted to know him but it wasn't until we met face to face that we really clicked. And that's what truly counts to me. I only find it odd or intrusive when someone wants to do the "oh wow let's hug and be best friends" moment but they've never actually said hello to me even online before that moment. You know the "I've read your blog, your facebook, listened to your podcast, but I've never said hello to you until this moment and I want to be your best friend starting now... And go!"
I guess what I'm saying is that I don't mind that people might be saying "Brian is an Agnostic and he has a fetish for Pinnaud cologne and he loves oral sex and claims to be really good at it". I don't mind it because I put it out there myself and I don't mind it because it might inspire them to have an open and honest dialogue about what turns them on and what fires their interests.
Does having a strong and honest presence online blur the lines of who are "friend friends" and who are just "I know OF you"-friends?
No, not really. Most of my "friend friends" are people I've spent time with away from computers and iPhones. They are people I've let my barriers down with (and let them down in ways I never do online). They know who they are. There are some people I've maybe spent three hours with who I consider closer to me than people I've talked with online for months. To me it's all about that realtime connection. And besides, you are assuming my presence is honest :-)
You can ask me a question for March's Question Month by going here...