{multichapter} tell me why (chapter 11) ; ryoda
TITLE: Tell Me Why (Chapter 11)
PAIRING: Nishikido Ryo x Ueda Tatsuya ; Yamashita Tomohisa x Ueda Tatsuya ; Akanishi Jin x Kamenashi Kazuya
RATING: NC17
DISCLAIMER: Do not own. Title belongs to Taylor Swift.
GENRE: Angst, romance, AU, violence
NOTES: Requested by natsuki_suzu.
WARNINGS: Violence
SUMMARY: After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.
Tatsuya was so confused.
No, it wasn't confusion. It was every single possible emotion criss-crossing inside his mind so fast that it was dizzying. He was grateful that Nishikido had left him alone once they had arrived home, giving him a smile before going into the kitchen.
Maybe he was in shock. That still didn't sound right, but for now, it would do.
Tatsuya sank down to the floor, staring blankly ahead. He blindly grasped for something - anything - and ended up clutching onto the bedspread as he stared down at the ground. He wasn't entirely sure why he was on his knees, but he knew that there were tears dotting his jeans as they fell from his eyes. He didn't know why they were there, though.
His eyes caught upon the wardrobe door, which was slightly ajar. Tatsuya wiped at his eyes harshly before crawling to the wardrobe, pushing the door further open and digging through the clutter on the floor to get to the back corner. He dragged out a low wooden box, moving to sit cross-legged with it propped in his lap. He took a deep breath, and opened it.
Memories flooded in like a harsh wind, surrounding him and overwhelming him. Yet he smiled through his tears, gazing at the old photos piled atop one another. His face smiled back up at him from next to an equally happy Tomohisa.
He didn't know how long he sat there going through the photos. He started a little as Nishikido knocked on the door, opening it a little. "You okay in here?" he asked, and Tatsuya nodded, even though Nishikido couldn't see him.
"I'm fine."
"I have tea."
"Better come in, then," Tatsuya said, making no move to stand up as Nishikido elbowed the door open and made his way to him.
Nishikido said nothing as he carefully took the cups off the tray and set them in front of the two of them. He knelt next to Tatsuya, his arm just brushing his, and peered down at the mess of photos now spread across the carpet. He looked up at Ueda with a curious expression on his face, and Tatsuya had to smile.
"I found these photos..."
"Yes, I see that."
Tatsuya laughed a little, wiping the tears away with his sleeve. "I almost forgot about them."
Nishikido picked one up from the pile, looking at it carefully. "Your hair used to be blonde?" he asked, pointing at a nineteen year-old Tatsuya, who was being hugged by Tomohisa. Tatsuya nodded, wrinkling his nose.
"Yeah. Tomohisa should have stopped me from doing that," he said, and Nishikido laughed. "I was rebellious back then."
"Really?" Nishikido asked, sifting through more of the photos. "Can't imagine you as a rebel."
"Oh, I was," Tatsuya continued, shifting so he could see the photographs Nishikido was looking at. "I pierced my ears; wore a hell of a lot of black and had all this spiky jewellery." He laughed a little, remembering that part in his life. He remembered sitting with Tomohisa late at night in the middle of a park, watching as the smoke from their cigarettes floated up into the dark sky. He had rebelled against everything - against society, against his parents, against his own image.
"I like this hair, though," Nishikido said, lifting up another photograph. Tatsuya took it from him. It was his long black hair, and Tatsuya grimaced at that one, too. "No good?"
"The hair I like. It's the time of my life that I don't," Tatsuya said. "I was withdrawn and kind of... trying to find my place. Tomohisa helped." Nishikido nodded in understanding. It was funny, Tatsuya thought. His life seemed dictated by his hair. Tomohisa loved his hair. He always had.
Tatsuya blinked down at the photographs in Nishikido's hands, thinking. "But I like your hair better now," Nishikido was saying, when Tatsuya snapped back to attention. "It's nice."
"Oh. Thank you," Tatsuya said, sipping at his tea and feeling a little uncomfortable. He remembered Tomohisa's fingers stroking his hair. He remember the way Tomohisa's fingers would grip his hair, forcing his head back as he--
No.
"Ueda? Are you okay?"
"Fine," Tatsuya answered, belatedly realising that his hand was shaking, and quickly set his cup back down. "I think I just need--"
"Oh!" Nishikido exclaimed suddenly. "Dinner!"
Tatsuya had to smile as Nishikido gathered their cups and quietly exited the room, closing the door behind him. It was too early for dinner. Nishikido was just giving him the space he wanted.
Tatsuya's fingers lingered on an old photo of Tomohisa.
>>><<<
"Ueda?" Ryo called, walking into the house and toeing his shoes off. "You here?"
The house was deafeningly quiet. Ryo didn't worry though - Ueda was his own person now, he could go wherever he pleased - but he did think that maybe Ueda would be back by now. Ueda liked to be back inside before it became too dark.
So Ryo carried about his business, changing out of his suit and into more comfortable clothes. He set his briefcase down on the kitchen table and opened it, sighing as he stared at the work inside - he had to bring some home. Had to tie up some loose ends before he left for America. Ryo decided to leave dinner until Ueda was home.
With a cup of coffee next to him and a frown on his face, he started on his work, shuffling through sheets of crisp white paper as the sun began to set. His laptop keys clicked away as he typed.
He sat back in his chair after a while, rubbing his eyes and yawning widely. He blinked at his watch. "Shit," he muttered.
It was almost eight.
"Ueda, where are you?" Ryo muttered, glancing up to the door and back to his work. He tried to ring Ueda's mobile phone but it just went to his voicemail; Ryo hung up without leaving a message.
The next person he rang was Kame. "Ueda?" Kame asked. "No, I haven't seen him-- Have you lost him again?"
"I didn't lose him," Ryo sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. "I haven't seen him today, and I'm just--"
"Worried?"
"Well... yeah."
"It'll be okay," Kame said in that reassuring voice of his, "He's a big boy, he can take care of himself."
"Can he?"
"I don't know."
Kame was the one to cut the line and Ryo stared at his phone awhile, trying to think. Where could Ueda go at this time of night?
Instead of waiting for Ueda to come home, he decided to go out and search.
He didn't know Ueda well enough to know if he had any usual haunts. Ryo tried Yamashita's old house, then Koyama's little supermarket. Koyama looked at him a little confused before shaking his head and shrugging.
"Sorry, Nishikido-san," he said, looking a little upset. "I haven't seen him in weeks."
Ryo nodded, sighing a little and preparing to turn back, but Koyama stopped him with a small, "Wait..."
"Yeah?"
"He used to like going to the park; maybe that's where he's gotten to," Koyama suggested. "He used to come in here after sitting in the park for a while."
"How do you know?" Ryo asked.
"He always came in here afterwards. He'd tell me about his day," Koyama said, a little smile on his face. "I kind of miss him."
Ryo thanked Koyama and headed back out to the street. He knew where the park was; it was only a few streets away. That was when the first few drops of rain started to fall.
Ryo ran faster, blinking the wet hair out of his eyes as the rain worsened. The sky was dark and the streetlights cast eerie light onto the wet asphalt, but Ryo kept going, stopping only when he reached the park.
He panted, looking about to try to figure out which way to go. Right. Right sounded good. The park was bigger than he remembered, but he kept going, the rain pounding down upon him. The ground was slippery and he almost fell quite a few times, but managed to right himself at the last moment.
And then... there he was.
He quickly dialled Kame's number. "Found him," he panted when Kame answered, and quickly hung up again. He would probably get in trouble for that later, but that was okay.
Ueda was standing there, completely drenched. His hair was in his eyes but he didn't seem to notice, so focused on the little family of ducks enjoying the rain a few feet away from him. Ryo cocked his head, watching Ueda. His face was thoughtful, yet a little confused.
"Ueda?" he called softly, but his voice was carried away by the rain. "Ueda," he tried again, a little louder, and Ueda turned.
"...Nishikido?" he asked, disbelief in his eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you," Ryo said, stepping forward a little.
"Me?"
"I was worried," he said. "What're you doing?"
Ueda turned back to the ducks, watching them. There were two older ones and about seven fluffy ducklings, who were running backwards and forwards and chirping happily as the rain showered down upon them. "What's wrong?" Ryo asked again.
"They can cope with anything," Ueda answered, and Ryo's eyebrows furrowed.
"What?"
"The ducks. Look at them; they're loving the rain," Ueda said. "They can cope with anything thrown their way but I..."
"You what?" Ryo prompted softly.
"I can't. Tomohisa hurt me so much and now he's out of my life but here I am, complaining about it..."
Ryo stared. "What're you talking about?" he asked, and Ueda tore his eyes away from the ducks to look at him. "Of course you can cope-- of course you can! You've been through so much - so much more than anyone should even have to go through - but you've pulled through it and come out of it with your head held high." Ueda was shaking his head but Ryo wasn't done with him yet. "And it's okay to not be able to cope. It's okay to cry, Tatsuya. You're the strongest person I have ever known, and I respect you so much," he finished, watching the way Ueda's eyes widened at the use of his first name.
"But I'm not--"
"Yes, you are," Ryo said firmly. "You are so much more than you think you are."
Ryo didn't realise that Ueda was crying until he brought a hand up to swipe angrily at his eyes. "I'm sorry, I--"
"Don't apologise," Ryo laughed, moving closer to hit him on the shoulder lightly. "Let's just go home; I'll order Chinese for dinner."
Ueda nodded, his eyes to the ground, and Ryo smiled before turning around. But then there were arms around his waist and he stopped dead, eyes wide. "...Ueda?" he asked, but Ueda just shook his head against Ryo's shoulder, and Ryo let it drop, his hands coming to rest on Ueda's own.
And so they stood there, in the middle of the park with the rain pouring down upon them, Ueda's arms wrapped around Ryo. Ryo wasn't sure what was going through Ueda's mind - confusion, hurt, frustration - but he let him be, gently stroking Ueda's wrist with his thumb.
Chinese takeout would just have to wait.
End of chapter.
PAIRING: Nishikido Ryo x Ueda Tatsuya ; Yamashita Tomohisa x Ueda Tatsuya ; Akanishi Jin x Kamenashi Kazuya
RATING: NC17
DISCLAIMER: Do not own. Title belongs to Taylor Swift.
GENRE: Angst, romance, AU, violence
NOTES: Requested by natsuki_suzu.
WARNINGS: Violence
SUMMARY: After a chance encounter at the supermarket, Ryo is intrigued by Tatsuya, and he is determined to find out more about the other. The more he discovers, the more he wants to protect him. After enlisting the help of his two closest friends, they set out to help Tatsuya.
Tatsuya was so confused.
No, it wasn't confusion. It was every single possible emotion criss-crossing inside his mind so fast that it was dizzying. He was grateful that Nishikido had left him alone once they had arrived home, giving him a smile before going into the kitchen.
Maybe he was in shock. That still didn't sound right, but for now, it would do.
Tatsuya sank down to the floor, staring blankly ahead. He blindly grasped for something - anything - and ended up clutching onto the bedspread as he stared down at the ground. He wasn't entirely sure why he was on his knees, but he knew that there were tears dotting his jeans as they fell from his eyes. He didn't know why they were there, though.
His eyes caught upon the wardrobe door, which was slightly ajar. Tatsuya wiped at his eyes harshly before crawling to the wardrobe, pushing the door further open and digging through the clutter on the floor to get to the back corner. He dragged out a low wooden box, moving to sit cross-legged with it propped in his lap. He took a deep breath, and opened it.
Memories flooded in like a harsh wind, surrounding him and overwhelming him. Yet he smiled through his tears, gazing at the old photos piled atop one another. His face smiled back up at him from next to an equally happy Tomohisa.
He didn't know how long he sat there going through the photos. He started a little as Nishikido knocked on the door, opening it a little. "You okay in here?" he asked, and Tatsuya nodded, even though Nishikido couldn't see him.
"I'm fine."
"I have tea."
"Better come in, then," Tatsuya said, making no move to stand up as Nishikido elbowed the door open and made his way to him.
Nishikido said nothing as he carefully took the cups off the tray and set them in front of the two of them. He knelt next to Tatsuya, his arm just brushing his, and peered down at the mess of photos now spread across the carpet. He looked up at Ueda with a curious expression on his face, and Tatsuya had to smile.
"I found these photos..."
"Yes, I see that."
Tatsuya laughed a little, wiping the tears away with his sleeve. "I almost forgot about them."
Nishikido picked one up from the pile, looking at it carefully. "Your hair used to be blonde?" he asked, pointing at a nineteen year-old Tatsuya, who was being hugged by Tomohisa. Tatsuya nodded, wrinkling his nose.
"Yeah. Tomohisa should have stopped me from doing that," he said, and Nishikido laughed. "I was rebellious back then."
"Really?" Nishikido asked, sifting through more of the photos. "Can't imagine you as a rebel."
"Oh, I was," Tatsuya continued, shifting so he could see the photographs Nishikido was looking at. "I pierced my ears; wore a hell of a lot of black and had all this spiky jewellery." He laughed a little, remembering that part in his life. He remembered sitting with Tomohisa late at night in the middle of a park, watching as the smoke from their cigarettes floated up into the dark sky. He had rebelled against everything - against society, against his parents, against his own image.
"I like this hair, though," Nishikido said, lifting up another photograph. Tatsuya took it from him. It was his long black hair, and Tatsuya grimaced at that one, too. "No good?"
"The hair I like. It's the time of my life that I don't," Tatsuya said. "I was withdrawn and kind of... trying to find my place. Tomohisa helped." Nishikido nodded in understanding. It was funny, Tatsuya thought. His life seemed dictated by his hair. Tomohisa loved his hair. He always had.
Tatsuya blinked down at the photographs in Nishikido's hands, thinking. "But I like your hair better now," Nishikido was saying, when Tatsuya snapped back to attention. "It's nice."
"Oh. Thank you," Tatsuya said, sipping at his tea and feeling a little uncomfortable. He remembered Tomohisa's fingers stroking his hair. He remember the way Tomohisa's fingers would grip his hair, forcing his head back as he--
No.
"Ueda? Are you okay?"
"Fine," Tatsuya answered, belatedly realising that his hand was shaking, and quickly set his cup back down. "I think I just need--"
"Oh!" Nishikido exclaimed suddenly. "Dinner!"
Tatsuya had to smile as Nishikido gathered their cups and quietly exited the room, closing the door behind him. It was too early for dinner. Nishikido was just giving him the space he wanted.
Tatsuya's fingers lingered on an old photo of Tomohisa.
>>><<<
"Ueda?" Ryo called, walking into the house and toeing his shoes off. "You here?"
The house was deafeningly quiet. Ryo didn't worry though - Ueda was his own person now, he could go wherever he pleased - but he did think that maybe Ueda would be back by now. Ueda liked to be back inside before it became too dark.
So Ryo carried about his business, changing out of his suit and into more comfortable clothes. He set his briefcase down on the kitchen table and opened it, sighing as he stared at the work inside - he had to bring some home. Had to tie up some loose ends before he left for America. Ryo decided to leave dinner until Ueda was home.
With a cup of coffee next to him and a frown on his face, he started on his work, shuffling through sheets of crisp white paper as the sun began to set. His laptop keys clicked away as he typed.
He sat back in his chair after a while, rubbing his eyes and yawning widely. He blinked at his watch. "Shit," he muttered.
It was almost eight.
"Ueda, where are you?" Ryo muttered, glancing up to the door and back to his work. He tried to ring Ueda's mobile phone but it just went to his voicemail; Ryo hung up without leaving a message.
The next person he rang was Kame. "Ueda?" Kame asked. "No, I haven't seen him-- Have you lost him again?"
"I didn't lose him," Ryo sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. "I haven't seen him today, and I'm just--"
"Worried?"
"Well... yeah."
"It'll be okay," Kame said in that reassuring voice of his, "He's a big boy, he can take care of himself."
"Can he?"
"I don't know."
Kame was the one to cut the line and Ryo stared at his phone awhile, trying to think. Where could Ueda go at this time of night?
Instead of waiting for Ueda to come home, he decided to go out and search.
He didn't know Ueda well enough to know if he had any usual haunts. Ryo tried Yamashita's old house, then Koyama's little supermarket. Koyama looked at him a little confused before shaking his head and shrugging.
"Sorry, Nishikido-san," he said, looking a little upset. "I haven't seen him in weeks."
Ryo nodded, sighing a little and preparing to turn back, but Koyama stopped him with a small, "Wait..."
"Yeah?"
"He used to like going to the park; maybe that's where he's gotten to," Koyama suggested. "He used to come in here after sitting in the park for a while."
"How do you know?" Ryo asked.
"He always came in here afterwards. He'd tell me about his day," Koyama said, a little smile on his face. "I kind of miss him."
Ryo thanked Koyama and headed back out to the street. He knew where the park was; it was only a few streets away. That was when the first few drops of rain started to fall.
Ryo ran faster, blinking the wet hair out of his eyes as the rain worsened. The sky was dark and the streetlights cast eerie light onto the wet asphalt, but Ryo kept going, stopping only when he reached the park.
He panted, looking about to try to figure out which way to go. Right. Right sounded good. The park was bigger than he remembered, but he kept going, the rain pounding down upon him. The ground was slippery and he almost fell quite a few times, but managed to right himself at the last moment.
And then... there he was.
He quickly dialled Kame's number. "Found him," he panted when Kame answered, and quickly hung up again. He would probably get in trouble for that later, but that was okay.
Ueda was standing there, completely drenched. His hair was in his eyes but he didn't seem to notice, so focused on the little family of ducks enjoying the rain a few feet away from him. Ryo cocked his head, watching Ueda. His face was thoughtful, yet a little confused.
"Ueda?" he called softly, but his voice was carried away by the rain. "Ueda," he tried again, a little louder, and Ueda turned.
"...Nishikido?" he asked, disbelief in his eyes. "What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you," Ryo said, stepping forward a little.
"Me?"
"I was worried," he said. "What're you doing?"
Ueda turned back to the ducks, watching them. There were two older ones and about seven fluffy ducklings, who were running backwards and forwards and chirping happily as the rain showered down upon them. "What's wrong?" Ryo asked again.
"They can cope with anything," Ueda answered, and Ryo's eyebrows furrowed.
"What?"
"The ducks. Look at them; they're loving the rain," Ueda said. "They can cope with anything thrown their way but I..."
"You what?" Ryo prompted softly.
"I can't. Tomohisa hurt me so much and now he's out of my life but here I am, complaining about it..."
Ryo stared. "What're you talking about?" he asked, and Ueda tore his eyes away from the ducks to look at him. "Of course you can cope-- of course you can! You've been through so much - so much more than anyone should even have to go through - but you've pulled through it and come out of it with your head held high." Ueda was shaking his head but Ryo wasn't done with him yet. "And it's okay to not be able to cope. It's okay to cry, Tatsuya. You're the strongest person I have ever known, and I respect you so much," he finished, watching the way Ueda's eyes widened at the use of his first name.
"But I'm not--"
"Yes, you are," Ryo said firmly. "You are so much more than you think you are."
Ryo didn't realise that Ueda was crying until he brought a hand up to swipe angrily at his eyes. "I'm sorry, I--"
"Don't apologise," Ryo laughed, moving closer to hit him on the shoulder lightly. "Let's just go home; I'll order Chinese for dinner."
Ueda nodded, his eyes to the ground, and Ryo smiled before turning around. But then there were arms around his waist and he stopped dead, eyes wide. "...Ueda?" he asked, but Ueda just shook his head against Ryo's shoulder, and Ryo let it drop, his hands coming to rest on Ueda's own.
And so they stood there, in the middle of the park with the rain pouring down upon them, Ueda's arms wrapped around Ryo. Ryo wasn't sure what was going through Ueda's mind - confusion, hurt, frustration - but he let him be, gently stroking Ueda's wrist with his thumb.
Chinese takeout would just have to wait.
End of chapter.