bad day
im feeling extremely unwanted today. its a horrible feeling. i really hate the way i am sometimes. there isnt anything wrong with the way i am other than the fact that i bend over backwards for people who really dont care too much about me. i missed her very much. i passed on the opportunity to hang out with her friday because i thought she was just hanging out at her friends house, not the case. saturday she didnt come home because she forgot something and had to go back and didnt want to drive all the way back. sunday comes along and she said we would see eachother today, and she dont want to see me. i hate the fact that ill drop everything for her and it feels like she really could care less if im her boyfriend or not. she isnt like that all of the time but she has been very distant since like wednesday. i would say i really want someone who appreciates me but the last time i had that i got bored as fuck and destroyed everything. maybe im just supposed to be alone. i really like sex but i can get that without commitment. i think i shouldnt be feeling this unhappy when ive only got 6 years left to live. i really just want to be loved. and i want to be loved in the way where someone doesnt have to say it. i dont feel like typing anymore. i think im going to just get drunk. i always feel better when im drunk. i never had a choice, i never had a choice to leave your chokehold