Mirror's Show What the Heart Truly Feels
I sneezed. Why did it have to be so cold out. I voiced my question out aloud.Kanda snorted. "Because it's not warm, idiot."
I glared, my retort cut off by another sneeze. Followed by another. And another. And another god damn sneeze!
"Shut up already!" Snapped Kanda.
"I'm trying! But it's not my fault!" I snapped back. "It's too damn cold!"
"Well then do something about it!"
I don't think I was supposed to take it pervertedly. I felt blush creep into my face and was thankful Kanda had begun walking away so he didn't see it. With a sigh, I followed.
"So where do you think the Innocence is?" I asked as I rushed after him. I stayed in his footsteps, not wanting to admit that the snow was too thick for me to get very far in without giving up. Even so, I had to really stretch to stay in his steps and match his long stride. Does nothing stop this guy?
Probably not.
"Around here somewhere." Kanda replied. I frowned. We'd only gotten a vague location as to where the Innocence might be hiding.
'It should be around this area here. There's no guarantee but it should be in the forest here. Just, I don't know, try looking around in the snow or something.'
Yeah, thanks Komui. Helpful.
Once we got past the tree line, I was able to walk beside Kanda instead of behind him, the snow not being as deep and only coming up to just below my knees instead of my waist.
"This is going to be a pain." I mumbled after about an hour of walking. Kanda hummed in agreement, obviously annoyed if the way he walked was anything to go by.
A violent shiver surged through my body and I groaned. It was too cold and I didn't know how much longer I'd last in this cold. The sun was beginning to fall, the temperature dropping with it. As if it wasn't already cold enough. I almost missed all the not-so-blank glances thrown my way every time I stumbled.
After another hour, I couldn't go on. It was just too cold and my pants were soaked from the snow. I'd long since stopped shivering, long since stopped feeling, well, anything. By now the sun had completely fallen, bathing us in darkness lit only by Kanda's Innocence, which casted a dark blue glow across the glittering snow.
Something warm was draped across my shoulders and I almost hissed with the seemingly burning heat, even as I almost attacked it for the warmth. Pinewood and spice enveloped me, the traces of lotus adding an oddness to the mixture - though not in a bad way. Looking up I saw Kanda continuing in front of me, his torso wrapped only in a dark green wool turtleneck. Glancing down, I saw his jacket around me. Forcing my frozen lips into a small smile, I lace my arms through the too big sleeves. I couldn't help but moan at the warmth, snuggling deeper into it as I forced myself after the dark-haired exorcist.
Not long after, I collapsed.
.
.
I groaned as I woke up wrapped in warmth. My whole body ached and I likely had frostbite somewhere that it shouldn't be. I wiggled closer to the heat source as I slipped back into sleep. At least I was alive. I hardly noticed the strong arms pulling me as tight as physically possible to a warm body. I wasn't complaining as I eagerly complied.
When I woke up again later, the evening sun was filtering in through a small window. I frowned at it as I burrowed further into bed.
Wait.
Huh?
"Well it about damn time." Kanda said, his deep, husky voice making me jump. Letting my gaze slide to the left, I looked into dark expressionless pools.
"Huh?" Was my genius response. Kanda rolled his eyes as he made his way over to me and placed his hand on my forehead, a frown tugging at his kissable lips.
Did I just use 'kissable'?
I was either still half asleep or had a fever. According to Kanda, it was the latter.
"But I feel fine." I muttered and attempted to sit up, only to be pushed back down by strong arms.
"Stay. You may feel fine but your burning up." Kanda growled.
Was that worry lacing his words?
No, it must be the fever he claims I have. I sighed in defeat as I settled back into place. The air was chilly anyway and this was nice and warm.
Kanda gave me a hard look before walking to the other side of the small hunting cabin he'd found and began lacing up his boots. I glanced around.
There wasn't anything interesting really. Everything was covered in a thick layer of dust and film, most of the scarce furniture covered in white sheets like you would see in an old manor. There were tread-marks on the floor from where Kanda had stepped, the wood beneath strikingly dark compared to the gray of the dust covering it. A mirror stood over the head of the bed, it's filmy surface shyly reflecting a small fireplace, a few crumbling logs currently lit. Across the room was a shelf that held a few large pots, dishes and cups that looked like they haven't been washed in years. There was only just the one window that the last rays of sunlight shone through as well as a crooked door with a chair wedged up against the handle.
I stared at it in confusion. "Kanda, why is that chair there?"
He glanced to where I pointed and snorted. "Stupid thing wouldn't stay closed."
I watched as he stood and made his way over to the chair and pulled it away.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"Need more firewood. Close this after me but then get back into bed. Don't open it for anyone but me."
"Yeah, cuz someone is going to walk all the way here just to say 'hello'. Whoever made this cabin was an idiot."
Kanda snorted again before walking out the door. I slid from the bed, hissing as cold air slid over my naked skin. I didn't even have time to blush as I quickly shut the door and replaced the chair.
Why was I naked?
I'd ask Kanda but I could already see how that went.
'Hey, BaKanda, why am I naked?'
'Well you see Moyashi-'
'Its Allen!'
'What the fuck ever, Moyashi. Do you want an explanation or not?'
'I want you to call me by my name!'
And with how many dirty joked we've been making, we would then tackle each other and only realize it was to late that I was still naked when he was pressing in all the right-
And just where do you think your going? Stupid imagination. Get out of the gutter.
I sighed and shook my head, finding out that wasn't a good idea at all. Stupid fever. Now I was beginning to see the signs, or feel then rather. It wasn't until I'd stood that I felt the wooziness and the pounding wrack my body and head. It was a real pain - pun not intended but there no less.
I groaned again as the world settled back into it's rightful place as I sat on the bed, searching.
Pants found! Along with the rest of my clothes!
I would have run to them but even the thought of it made me want to hurl. So instead I wrapped a blanket around me and wobbled over, leaving new marks on the floor behind me.
They were drying by a dying fire, the heat no longer enough to fight off the cold air that seeped in from outside. Grabbing them, I slipped on my pants, almost falling over in the process before slipping on my shirt and settling on the floor in front of the only source of warmth now that Kanda was gone. Ever so slowly I dozed off, curled in a tight ball in front of the dying embers.
Loud banging jolted me back into consciousness. Wiping drool from my face I sat up.
"Oi! Moyashi! Let me in."
Hurray. Kanda was back.
Shakily standing, I stumbled my way to the door and yanked the chair from it place. Kanda entered, snow covering him almost completely. I snickered at him, earning myself a wack upside the head with his free hand. At least it wasn't the one currently full of branches and such.
Cradling my abused head, I once more replaced the chair and followed after my partner as he dropped the wood on the floor and began reviving the fire. Using the edge of the blanket, I began dusting off his hair and jacket.
He leaned away, giving me a strange look. "What are you doing?"
"The snow is beginning to melt so I'm getting rid of it." I said. Though really, I had absolutely no idea why I had done it.
He swatted my hand away. "It's fine. And I can do it myself."
I pouted. "Fine. Be that way. I was only trying to help."
I sat back in my spot by the fire and curled back up. It seemed easy to forget my dizziness up until I stopped moving and everything seemed to catch up to me. I groaned lowly in the back of my throat as I curled tighter and soaked up the warmth of the now blazing fire.
"Your sulking." Kanda stated.
"No idea what you talking about." I replied. When in fact, I was. Why? Well I had no idea.
Kanda sighed in exasperation before standing. I heard him walk somewhere, roughly in the direction of the window. I bit my lip to keep from calling him back. Again, why? I still had no clue. So I just blamed it on the fever. Closing my eyes, I went back to sleep, dreaming of dark pools of black, endless depths that roared with a scorching, equally black inferno.
I could have toasted marshmallows in seconds if I had any.
.
.
It turned out that while I'd been recovering, Kanda had gone out in search of the Innocence whenever he went to fetch some more wood. There was still no luck.
"It's going to take forever to find the damn thing. And we can't even fucking communicate with the damn Order." It didn't take a genius to figure out Kanda was frustrated.
"We can't just give up." I said.
Kansa snorted, though he was clearly unamused. "Easy for you to say. All you do is laze about."
"And who's fault is that?"
Kanda looked away and didn't say anything.
"That's right. Yours. I asked you if we could stop or slow down. But no, you said suck it up. And I did, look where it got me. Not to mention every time I try to help you make me stay here. So don't snap at me."
Kanda stayed staring everywhere else but at me. He didn't even look guilty.
With a frustrated sigh, I made my way over to the bed and flopped down.
"Stupid Kanda." I muttered. I frowned as I stared at the wall, still wrapped in the white blanket I had been in from day one.
We had to finish the mission soon. In the dead of winter, there was not much game running around to catch, and the food and supplies we'd brought in our packs were getting dangerously low. Even I'd been eating normal people portions in order to save as much as we could. Sometimes Kanda wouldn't even eat if it meant the rations were stretched, though he wouldn't let me do the same.
I heard him leave again and waited a while before fixing the chair back into it usual place. I made my way back to the bed. Before I sat down, I looked at the filthy mirror.
I hadn't touched it, nor has Kanda. We really had no need for it. To wash we just melted snow and warmed the water in one of the pots that had taken almost forever to clean.
Wiping the crusted dust of the piece, I stared at it with interest. The glass reflected me, then it didn't. Then it did, then it didn't. After completely cleaning it I sat on the bed with it, holding it as it changed images from me, then blackness, then Kanda. I frowned when it showed the dark haired man as he leaned against the tree, his expression thoughtful as he seemingly contemplated something.
Suddenly the images distorted and showed me in Kanda's arms, his lips locked on mine, both our eyes closed. We seemed comfortable and right in the position.
Heat filled my cheeks and I stared in shock as I heard a hauntingly beautiful voice whisper in my mind.
'The heart doesn't lie...'
I jumped as Kanda rapped on the door and I quickly jumped up to let him in.
"Took you long-"
"I think I found the Innocence!" I cut him off excitedly while trying to banish the thoughts of what the mirror reflected from my head.
Kanda looked at me in mild surprise. "Where?"
"Right here." I said, leading him toward the mirror once the door was fixed. He frowned at it for a while before his eyes slowly widened. It looked like he was struggling with something before he looked away and ignored me when I asked him what he saw.
"Kanda?" I asked. He seriously looked freaked out, which was something to be panicked about in itself.
"Its nothing." He finally said. I looked back into the mirror and almost dropped it when I saw something else in it. With a large gasp at what happened next, I dropped it on the bed and hid my face in my hands.
I felt fingers brush my shoulder but I couldn't stand it. I shuddered and leaned away, my whole body shaking.
I couldn't help the sob that escaped as I fought back the wave of emotions that tried to take over. Soon I was a mess of tears and breathless, choked sobs as the scene replayed itself in my head.
"Moyashi?" Kanda asked, hand slowly gripping my arm and pulling me into his own. I sobbed harder as I buried myself in his chest, arms wrapping around him and nails digging into his shoulders. I felt my knees give out under me though I didn't fall, held securely as I was in this man's hold.
I tried to distract myself and stop thinking of the image, but found no matter what I did, it insisted of tormenting my mind. I tried denying that I liked Kanda - which I definitely did NOT - but even that didn't work, the words falling on deaf ears as my being came to accept it as the truth without a second thought.
After what seemed like hours, I finally stopped my sobs, the cascade of tears dwindling to small streams. I'm sure by now my face was red and blotchy, puffy around the eyes. I'm also sure Kanda was about to bitch at me for getting his shirt all wet and salty.
"S-sorry about t-that." I stuttered between sniffles, moving to pull away only to be hold tighter.
"What did you see?" Kanda asked.
I didn't answer.
He forced my head up by roughly pulling my hair. I pouted at him and he loosened his grip, dark eyes unfaltering.
Looking away, I said "Nothing."
He snorted. "Bullshit. Now what did you see?"
"Nothing." I repeated.
He narrowed his eyes in a dangerous glare. "Because nothing reduces you to this. Under normal circumstances it does anyway, but this isn't normal circumstances. Now, what did you see?"
I hesitated and looked away, though I couldn't help but look back. I squeezed my eyes shut at the wave of fresh tears. "You dead." I whispered, knowing he heard me. He felt him stiffen before his arms tightened their hold.
"That's not something a beansprout like you should cry about." He murmured into my hair. I shivered when I felt his warm breath drift across my hair.
"How can you say that?" I whispered back, my voice muffled slightly from his chest.
He sighed, his breath ghosting over my head again. "Because it's true. Don't waste your time on me."
I frowned and pinched his shoulder. "It's not true. And I wouldn't be wasting my time on it if it's what I want to do."
"Why would you?"
"Because, stupid, your my comrade. As much as you don't want to admit it, you know that's how it is."
"Whatever." His curt answer made me pause and look up.
"Kanda?" His only reply was to look away. His face was carefully blank, but his eyes broke my heart with the hurt and rejection that swam there. With a clenched chest, I did the only thing that seemed to make sense at the time.
His lips were soft, warm, and only with the barest hints of being chapped from the cold. They were still at first, mirroring his shock and surprise before they expertly deepened the kiss until I couldn't breathe, my only ability being to moan weakly.
Slowly, we separated, a string of saliva still connecting us before it snapped. I blushed mightily and reburied myself in his chest, mumbling incoherent words as I squeezed his shirt before releasing it and letting my hands fall to his hips.
"Baka Moyashi." Kanda murmured lightly, no hint of insult in his voice, only curiosity.
Looking up at him, I blushed further at the small smile gracing his lips. I swear my heart stopped beating and I forgot how to breathe.
"BaKanda." Was my reply.
.
.
I was honestly sad to be back at headquarters. I wasn't able to be by Kanda all that much. We agreed to take things slowly, test the waters before diving in. One way of doing that was keeping this new development in our relationship a secret for the time being until we knew what we were doing.
Neither laughed at the other when we found out there hadn't been anyone before. It really hadn't been a surprise - I was too young and Kanda was too grumpy. So we really didn't know what we were doing, just going on what we knew about the other and what felt right.
We still fought like an old married couple, something I doubted would ever change. Not that I was complaining - it'd be to weird if it did.
But what did change was the subtle glances we traded, the heated kisses in the empty halls, and especially the sleeping in the others bed part. We didn't do anything, just slept. But it felt nice, comfortable.
Throughout it all I had an underlying fear of him leaving me like everyone else in my life tended to, but he proved to me in every touch, every whisper of my name, every look, that he wasn't going anywhere but closer to my side.
As it turned out, the mirror had indeed been Innocence, one that showed how someone is truly feeling through the images and the haunting voice like the one that had whispered into my head.
When Komui asked us what we saw, we lied and created an image, acting shocked or surprised at the other as if by some invisible cue.
"What do you think I was feeling when I saw the image of you dead?" I asked Kanda after we left Komui's office and slipped into Kanda's room. I lounged lazily on his bed while he leaned against it and polished his sword on the floor.
"I don't know. Your fear probably." He replied, a frown audible in his voice.
I hummed thoughtfully. "Maybe."
"Though it's unreasonable. Not like I'd go down that easily."
"Yeah, I know."
We sat quietly until I rolled to the side and leaned over his shoulder, weight resting on my forearms. Kanda turned to the side and I leaned, kissing gently. It was oh so slowly deepened as he set his polish to the side, Mugen leaning against the wall. After a while longer, we parted. I licked my lips to get the remaining traces of his taste that rested on the tingling flesh
Kanda smirked and I blushed.
"I love you, Yuu." Yeah, that's right. I said it. Granted I was only allowed to say it at times like these. Any other time? Nope, forget about it.
His smirk morphs into a smile. "Yeah, love you too, Allen."
It was then that I decided I kind of liked mirrors. It was a mirror, after all, that gave me this man. And I couldn't be happier.