Give and Take Epilogue
Title: Give and Take-Epilogue
Author: Kinwad
Pairing: Brian and Justin
Rating: R
Summary: If you can’t find the answers to your questions, maybe there
weren’t any questions that needed answers in the first place.
A/Ns: Once again, thanks so very much to everyone who continued to read!
A/Ns: Did anyone figure out who Justin was with in the back room at Babylon?
Disclaimer: I own nothing w/QAF
“As time goes by, I realize just what you mean to me.
And now, now that you’re near, promises your love
That I’ve waited to share and dreams of our moments together.
Color my world...with hope of loving you.” ©R.Lamm
Brian strolled from the kitchen with the nacho chips and salsa expertly balanced between two beer bottles. He padded to the sofa, bare-chested and bare-footed, his low-slung jeans revealing a provocative glimpse of the trail Justin referred to as his pleasure path to a blissful destination.
Acutely aware the blue eyes were following his every move, he smirked. “See something you like?”
“Mmm, always!”
Determined not to allow the orange-red sauce on the ivory leather, he gingerly sat with a movement that rivaled the tortoise in his race with the hare. There was a pre-ordained reason why the gay gods decided jizz should be white. He settled in comfortably and poked the sweatpant-clad leg.
“Ow! What the fuck was that?” A salsa-laden chip already halfway to Justin's mouth.
“You get one fucking drop on my sofa....”
Justin’s eyes widened as he chewed and licked his lips between crunchy bites.
“Glad to see it was only the chip and dip that caught your attention, Mr. Taylor. We wouldn’t want you to be distracted would we?”
He shifted his position and reclined to his best advantage, his splayed legs splayed legs stretching the jeans taut across the area that mattered most. He bit into a chip and ran a suggestive tongue across his mouth. His eyebrow arched at the lustful stare. “What?”
“Fuck!” Justin gritted the word like sandpaper. “Okay, fine, all right? You win, asshole! Now cut it out so we can watch the movie!”
“I always win,” he said in a smug tone. Eyes fixed on the screeb, he added, “After all, I have you.”
When silence followed Justin's contented sigh, he nudged him with his big toe. “Do I even dare ask where you were? What's on your mind?”
“Hmm? Nothing in particular. I was just...I was just thinking how fucking lucky I am. Want to know why?”
“Not really, but I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”
“Don’t give me that sarcastic bullshit. You’re as happy as I am, even if you don’t admit it out loud. I have every right to feel lucky and be happy, so shut up. Don’t rain on my parade!”
“Should I get the tugboat out so you can give Barbra a run for her money?”
“Oh, by all means! I’ll enjoy watching you pull your tugboat out.” Justin dissolved into fits of laughter.
“Getting good at the one-liners, aren’t you?”
“I learned from the best. Had a good teacher. He was very generous with his ‘expertise.’”
What you don’t realize is that I’ve learned from you too, Sunshine.
Captured by the television's glow, blond hair morphed into strands of gold. But it was the eyes, always the eyes. Feeling their unseen weight, he tilted his head forward. A liquid film blurred the blue. His brow quirked with an unspoken question.
“Every time I look into your eyes, I’m helplessly aware,
That the someone I’ve been searching for is right there.” ©R.Marx
“Just feeling a little sappy,” Justin said.
He pulled him close between his outstretched legs, wrapped his arms around him and rested his chin on the freshly shampooed hair. He was always flustered at times like these, never sure what to say or how to act. But he went with his gut. “Sappy’s okay, Justin. In fact, it’s perfect.” When a lone drop fell on his hands, he knew his instinct had been right.
* * *
In the beginning of this latest test drive in their relationship, the impulse had been to pick up where they left off, to maintain the status quo. Not because it was easy, but because it was familiar. And also impossible. Too much had taken place and neither could find a way to merge who they were before with who they were now, nor did they want to.
You can never truly capture what was or what might have been. But sometimes, if you’re lucky, the present recalls the past and the past foresees the future. It’s up to you to make it happen.
Even now, when that period in their lives is mentioned, it’s talked about in the most ambiguous of terms with a carefully drawn curtain of privacy protecting it. Each man had hit rock bottom in his own way. Alone. But they crawled out of the abyss together.
With the ever-present albatross of failure hanging over their heads, they were very much aware it might not work. But the alternative was so unimaginable, they found a new appreciation for second chances and persisted, determined not to not to give up on each other.
The tentative détente introduced a new and unusual dimension into their relationship- conversation. With no preconceived judgments, no rose-colored glasses, they were simply two men who loved and respected each other,
They still had arguments, sometimes fierce and bitter ones, and they still hurt each other with words or actions. The difference now was that they attempted to resolve their problems through talking and listening.
Justin was always quick to apologize if he was wrong, but it wasn’t easy for Brian to say I’m sorry. The words had a habit of sticking in his throat. On a few occasions, though, they were necessary and according to Justin, he came through with flying colors. Besides, there was something to be said for make-up sex.
He also learned to give Brian space and time to open up at his own pace. He wasn’t disappointed. Buoyed by the growing security of their relationship, Brian gradually unlocked parts of himself. Without fear of rejection, he came to see that vulnerability didn’t necessarily mean weakness and honesty didn’t always bring pain.
Both knew that Brian had many issues to work through. One of the stipulations when they started this trial reunification was that he had to continue his therapy. He grudgingly agreed and after a few sessions, admitted it wasn’t such a bad idea. Ever the opportunist, he even considered pitching a national ad campaign to the American Psychological Association focused on the mental health issues of the gay community. He was supremely confident he could get the account, considering his expertise on the subject.
Justin continued to see Warren on a semi-regular basis as well, not only for himself, but also for the relationship. Smart enough to accept that he was ill-equipped to handle Brian’s problems alone, he welcomed the therapist’s guidance.
Combined with his own insecurity issues, he still wasn't comfortable with Brian's need for an occasional anonymous fuck, but he no longer felt threatened or hurt. He even joined him a couple of times and confessed the experience had been kind of hot-the ultimate mind fuck. Also, Brian's visits to the backroom were becoming the exception rather than the norm, giving him hope that there was light at the end of the tunnel.
Additionally, after dogged probing from Warren, he questioned whether or not he honestly wanted certain traits of Brian to change. He wouldn't be the man he fell in love with, the man he still loved.
Yet, there were certain subtleties in the man that were impossible to miss. Like the time he brought home the art book How to Read Paintings with the flimsy excuse that now Justin could read it silently instead of talking about it loudly; or when he brought a container of Häagen-Dazs ice cream because Justin had a shit day; or when he went to Chicago for a business trip and sent him on a dildo scavenger hunt in the loft with the promise that if he found all the treasures, they would use them when he returned.
Definitely not over-the-top-romantic gestures, but it didn’t matter. They were the Kinney versions of flowers and candy and never failed to put a lump in his throat, which never failed to give Brian ammunition to call him a lesbianic twat.
Despite everything life had thrown at them, with all the difficulties and complications of trying to work things out, they were still together in their own non-defined, non-conventional, openly admitted relationship. They learned the hard way there are no freebies in life, that anything truly worth having is worth the struggle, and that maybe, just maybe what’s really needed to make a relationship work is a little give and take.
“A soul mate is someone who has the locks to fit our keys and the keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and also for whom we’re pretending to be. Each of us unveils the best part of one another. With that one person, we’re safe, with that one person, we’re whole.” R.Bach
~FINI~
On April 3rd, 2009 09:10 pm (local), pastrychef4 commented:
Simply wonderful! I really enjoyed this fic. Great job!
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On April 4th, 2009 05:03 am (local), kinwad replied:
Thank you so very much for your lovely compliment! I'm so glad you enjoyed the fic!
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On April 3rd, 2009 09:25 pm (local), duffy_60 commented:
Wonderful. This was a wonderful epilogue to a well-told and engaging story. Thanks for writing and sharing.
Later,Daphne
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On April 4th, 2009 05:05 am (local), kinwad replied:
*g* Thanks so much for sticking w/it! I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. Your comments along the way have been great.
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On April 3rd, 2009 10:13 pm (local), randysgirl_645 commented:
amazing :D and it's just like Brian to be ridiculously romantic in his own way :)
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On April 4th, 2009 05:07 am (local), kinwad replied:
Thank you, hon! Yep, Brian has his own way of doing things, that's for sure! Something that Justin finally realized! Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
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On April 3rd, 2009 11:05 pm (local), heygirl1 commented:
You wrote a very captivating story. You were able to create very vivid images with your words. Beautifully done. Thank you for sharing your talents with us.
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On April 4th, 2009 05:12 am (local), kinwad replied:
Thanks so very much for your lovely comment! I'm so pleased that you liked the fic and stayed with it. Your feedback along the way was so very kind and I really appreciate it.
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On April 4th, 2009 05:27 am (local), camelhaircoat commented:
Ah, the icing on the cake. And it tasted delicious. Thank you so much.
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On April 4th, 2009 05:41 am (local), kinwad replied:
What a lovely and kind analogy! Thank YOU so very much for continuing to read and leaving such wonderful comments along the way. I appreciated each and every one of them!
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On April 4th, 2009 06:11 am (local), koalared commented:
Thank you for this story. I always looked forward to the next chapter and was excited when I saw it was posted. I figured Justin's trick was Brandon. ?
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On April 4th, 2009 06:23 am (local), kinwad replied:
*g* Thank you so very much for continuing to read and leaving such wonderful comments! I appreciated each and every one of them! I'm so pleased you enjoyed the fic and yea! You're correct! It was Brandon-making a slightly earlier appearance than he did on the show! Thanks hon so very much!
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On April 4th, 2009 09:32 am (local), backroomvisitor commented:
Wonderful ending to a wonderful story. I enjoyed reading from chapter 1 on. I hope to see more from you soon. Hugs, Sunny
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On April 4th, 2009 02:17 pm (local), kinwad replied:
*g* Thank you so much, Sunny! I'm so pleased you enjoyed the story. Thanks for all of your comments!
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On April 4th, 2009 10:47 am (local), ergenie commented:
Oh my!!.. Oh no!!!.... that's the end... oh oh oh..... on a serious note... I have enjoyed reading your fic... the turbulent journey with Brian and Justin was simply breathtaking..... beautiful and wonderful story.. thank you for writing this.. cheers...
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On April 4th, 2009 02:19 pm (local), kinwad replied:
LOL...Thank you, hon, for all of your great comments! I'm so happy you enjoyed the fic! *shakes head* I still can't believe it was only supposed to be a one shot!
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On April 4th, 2009 12:59 pm (local), bibi22k commented:
I loved reading this story and following Brian's and Justin's emotional journey. Your epilogue wrapped it up beautifully and was the perfect final touch. Thanks for sharing your writing and I cannot wait to read more!
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On April 4th, 2009 02:21 pm (local), kinwad replied:
Thank you for your very kind comment! I'm so glad you enjoyed the fic and felt that the epilogue wrapped things up. It really was a rollercoaster ride for them!
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On April 4th, 2009 01:39 pm (local), tootiredtosleep commented:
Thank you for sharing this. Beautiful work!
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On April 4th, 2009 02:22 pm (local), kinwad replied:
*g* Thanks so much! I'm so pleased you enjoyed the fic!
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On April 4th, 2009 08:56 pm (local), lmeuse124 commented:
wonderful story! the last quote by R. Bach is an awesome quote. Could I steal it and put it on my facebook?
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On April 5th, 2009 06:37 am (local), kinwad replied:
Thanks so much, hon! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
Of course, you can use the quote. Feel free!
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On April 5th, 2009 08:05 am (local), lucsmom commented:
Wonderful ending! Justin's trick was Brandon.
I'm glad to see that therapy is a part of their lives, especially for Brian. He may have fought it initially, but it can only help him in the long run. He'll never be a truly romantic guy, but he can do stuff in his own way.
Justin does need it on a lesser level. He's correct in realizing that he loves Brian as he is and Brian changing drastically isn't what he really wants. The quote at the end was perfect! Thanks for sharing this amazing story!
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On April 6th, 2009 05:59 am (local), kinwad replied:
*g* I'm so pleased you liked it, Kim! LOL...Yep, it was Brandon (making an earlier appearance than on the show, which in my warped fantasy world, allows the childish bet and antagonism between Brian and Brandon on the show make a little more sense!) I agree w/everything you said about the two of them. Very well put!
Thanks so very much for sticking with this and for leaving such very kind comments along the way. I appreciated each and every one of them!
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On April 5th, 2009 09:38 am (local), spike7451 commented:
What a wonderful epilogue to a brilliant story. So glad you let us see what happened after the last chapter.
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On April 6th, 2009 06:03 am (local), kinwad replied:
Thank you so much, Lyn! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I figured a little update was in order for the boys!
Once again, thanks so very much for all of your support and lovely comments along the way. They encouraged me so much!
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On April 5th, 2009 06:01 pm (local), starlightbj commented:
There was a pre-ordained reason why the Gay Gods decided that cum should be white, he thought.
ROFL!
but they crawled out of the abyss together.
Aww they really did.
It was difficult but, without fear of rejection, he realized that vulnerability didn’t necessarily mean weakness and honesty didn’t always bring pain.
So true. That's what he needed to realize all along.
he started to question whether or not that was what he honestly wanted. Brian wouldn’t be the man he fell in love with, the man he still loved
I always thought Justin shouldn't want Brian to change certain things because then he wouldn't be Brian.
Dildo treasure hunt - romance Kinney-style :)
*sobs into tissues* I've loved this fic so much. Sad to see it end but it had to at some time. :D Love the ending - they're going to be okay. Their love will see them through and they are soul mates.
*hugs K* Thanx for sharing this fic.
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On April 6th, 2009 06:14 am (local), kinwad replied:
*g* You picked a couple of my favorite lines out!
"Dildo treasure hunt - romance Kinney-style:)" LOL...Is there any other kind? I can't begin to tell you how much all of your comments along the way meant to me! Your support and enthusiasm for this fic amazed me and I am truly humbled and grateful! It's an odd feeling for me as well, to finally have it finished. On one hand, I'm glad it's done so that I can concentrate on other things, but on the other, I feel like I'm saying goodbye to friends! *shakes head* *g* You're right! They will be ok because they are a classic and they are timeless! Thank you!
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On April 8th, 2009 03:42 am (local), meri2ant commented:
I've found this fic yesterday, and I couldn't stop reading it til my husband dragged me to bed at 2 a.m. and as soon as I woke up, I kept on reading. I have no words to explain how much I loved it. I was in such a turmoil of emotions during its reading *sighs*. Thanks for sharing!.
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On April 8th, 2009 05:18 am (local), kinwad replied:
Wow! Thank YOU so very much for extremely kind comment! I can't believe you read the whole thing in one sitting. Not only am I impressed at your fortitude, but amazingly flattered as well!
*g* I am so very, very pleased you enjoyed it and took the time to leave a comment. It was only supposed to be a one shot, LOL, but wound up with a life of its own! It really was a rollercoaster ride of emotions for me as well. I'm so glad my words struck a chord. Again, thanks very much for reading!
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On April 8th, 2009 11:33 pm (local), buzziecat commented:
without fear of rejection, he realized that vulnerability didn’t necessarily mean weakness and honesty didn’t always bring pain.
That's why being loved unconditionally by one's parents is so crucial. One learns to accept oneself and to know that it isn't necessary to hide one's true self.
I'm so pleased that you wrote this with Brian getting that unconditional love from Justin (not to say everything Brian did was ok - 'I’m sorry' ...on a few occasions ... were necessary) but he knew Justin loved and accepted him and it helped him to accept himself and to let his love for Justin show - and grow.
A very lovely ending to this story. I'll miss looking forward to future chapters. :/ Thank you.
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On April 9th, 2009 06:14 am (local), kinwad replied:
I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciated all of your thoughtful and very kind comments along the way.
*sigh* If parents only really knew how they influenced their children!
I'm so glad you enjoyed the epilogue.I really had to give Brian a chance to experience the feeling of being loved just for himself. I always had the feeling, while watching the series, that although his friends did care about him, it was more along the lines of, "what have you done or what could you do for me lately,"
Tx so much for all of your support! Hopefully, now I can go back to some unfinished fics that were on the back burner during G&T!