This Strangness of Late
Hmmm, I don't suppose that anyone would tell me that it's normal when a man of barely two decades feels as though he's going through a midlife crisis? I do so hope that this doesn't mean that I'm only going to life to be forty. That would blow...
Alright, I suppose that an entry here has been a long time coming. I was putting it off as long as possible. I kept telling myself "there's nothing in this period of ten months that I will ever want to remember", but I came upon the realization that there's no way to gauge the good times unless you can compare them to the memory bad ones.
Now, although it may appear as such, I'm not labeling this period of my life as "bad", I'm just thinking of it as "less than optimum". I guess that every chapter of ones life deserves to be remembered, and this era is no exception.
Alroight, soh... lately, I've been living, working, schooling, and playing music. I've been getting the odd party in here and there, but there is definitely something major missing from my life. I feel nearly the same as I did when I graduated from high school; unfocused, confused, and stagnant. I feel as though any progress that I've made improving myself as a person in these last few years is slowly slipping away. I feel as though my life is being wasted. I fee a disparity in what I want my life to be and what my life is. I fee as though there are some major changes and decisions ahead of me.
Here's the consensus: smoking is out the window, passport applications in the mail this week, no more partying/drinking/drugs, focus on music and scrimping every penny that you have for instruments and christmas presents, and actually SLEEP for goodness sakes! Sheesh, I really need to get my shit together.
The past two nights I've had quite amazing dreams... More often than not throughout the day I find myself wishing desperately that I could just leave my body and move permanently into the dream world. If there was some way that I could safely put myself into a coma, I'd totally give 'er. Everything is so much more inspiring, exciting, and creative there.
two nights ago I dreamt that I was in a small mountain village and one night my family was having a get together of friends. Well, I ended up going outside and looking up to the sky only to find that there were luminescent shapes and figures flying through the air above the town. They were all in a fairly straight line and they were flying north. I decided to investigate so commandeering my parents magic carpet, I flew to give chase. I few for quite a while but wasn't really able to catch up to them. Buy the time the morning came around I was still flying and was tired and cold. So I spotted a small village bellow me and thought to land for a rest.
Upon landing I found the village to be populated by evil cannibalistic barbabarians who wore strange boxes on their heads. No doubt I was frightened and ran away. They chased me(and some other people?) through the forest for a while untill we got to a cliff that was a bout 75-100' high. It also had this really huge weird gnarled tree growing straight out from the edge. So me and one or two others climbed onto the bottomside of the tree so that we were hidden from view. As the other person was climbing underneath the tree to wedge in beside me, they told me "you need to be canonized."
"what's that suppose to mean?" I asked.
"make yourself as small as possible... like you're preparing to be shot out of a cannon."
I was confused...
Anyways, we got away, I continued my search for the floating apparitions and found a semi-abandoned Christmas town. I walked into the first house that I found and was greeted by Mrs. Clause. She started thanking the heavens because the prophecy was fulfilled. Apparently good ole' St. Nick died a number of years back and his only child, the heir to christmas, had gone missing. She seemed to have the idea that I was Santa's son. How effed is that?
The dream that I had last night was interesting. I was in a large town with some friends, and we were staying at this really cool old antique/bookstore that had a few spare bedrooms. It was dope. We went out for Dominos pizza and met this really annoying as hell chick. I was talking to the antique/bookstore owner and we got onto the subject of Aleister Crowley. I mentioned that I had seen a few of his books throughout the store and was interested in buying one, but didn't know much about them and needed some suggestions. He paused for a moment and said something like "I know just the one you're looking for!" He took me into a back room, pulled a big Wolverine comic off of the shelf, and proudly handed it to me... I was like "what the WTF?" it was rather amusing.
Yeah, I don't really know what else to write... every time that I write in here I look back over it and think to myself "It's the same old dribble. Uninspired ramblings of a common everyday humanoid." and my hand moves the cursor over the close box of my internet browser... well, I suppose this time I can make myself hit the update button.
oh yeah, PS - I fucking hate winter.
Alright, I suppose that an entry here has been a long time coming. I was putting it off as long as possible. I kept telling myself "there's nothing in this period of ten months that I will ever want to remember", but I came upon the realization that there's no way to gauge the good times unless you can compare them to the memory bad ones.
Now, although it may appear as such, I'm not labeling this period of my life as "bad", I'm just thinking of it as "less than optimum". I guess that every chapter of ones life deserves to be remembered, and this era is no exception.
Alroight, soh... lately, I've been living, working, schooling, and playing music. I've been getting the odd party in here and there, but there is definitely something major missing from my life. I feel nearly the same as I did when I graduated from high school; unfocused, confused, and stagnant. I feel as though any progress that I've made improving myself as a person in these last few years is slowly slipping away. I feel as though my life is being wasted. I fee a disparity in what I want my life to be and what my life is. I fee as though there are some major changes and decisions ahead of me.
Here's the consensus: smoking is out the window, passport applications in the mail this week, no more partying/drinking/drugs, focus on music and scrimping every penny that you have for instruments and christmas presents, and actually SLEEP for goodness sakes! Sheesh, I really need to get my shit together.
The past two nights I've had quite amazing dreams... More often than not throughout the day I find myself wishing desperately that I could just leave my body and move permanently into the dream world. If there was some way that I could safely put myself into a coma, I'd totally give 'er. Everything is so much more inspiring, exciting, and creative there.
two nights ago I dreamt that I was in a small mountain village and one night my family was having a get together of friends. Well, I ended up going outside and looking up to the sky only to find that there were luminescent shapes and figures flying through the air above the town. They were all in a fairly straight line and they were flying north. I decided to investigate so commandeering my parents magic carpet, I flew to give chase. I few for quite a while but wasn't really able to catch up to them. Buy the time the morning came around I was still flying and was tired and cold. So I spotted a small village bellow me and thought to land for a rest.
Upon landing I found the village to be populated by evil cannibalistic barbabarians who wore strange boxes on their heads. No doubt I was frightened and ran away. They chased me(and some other people?) through the forest for a while untill we got to a cliff that was a bout 75-100' high. It also had this really huge weird gnarled tree growing straight out from the edge. So me and one or two others climbed onto the bottomside of the tree so that we were hidden from view. As the other person was climbing underneath the tree to wedge in beside me, they told me "you need to be canonized."
"what's that suppose to mean?" I asked.
"make yourself as small as possible... like you're preparing to be shot out of a cannon."
I was confused...
Anyways, we got away, I continued my search for the floating apparitions and found a semi-abandoned Christmas town. I walked into the first house that I found and was greeted by Mrs. Clause. She started thanking the heavens because the prophecy was fulfilled. Apparently good ole' St. Nick died a number of years back and his only child, the heir to christmas, had gone missing. She seemed to have the idea that I was Santa's son. How effed is that?
The dream that I had last night was interesting. I was in a large town with some friends, and we were staying at this really cool old antique/bookstore that had a few spare bedrooms. It was dope. We went out for Dominos pizza and met this really annoying as hell chick. I was talking to the antique/bookstore owner and we got onto the subject of Aleister Crowley. I mentioned that I had seen a few of his books throughout the store and was interested in buying one, but didn't know much about them and needed some suggestions. He paused for a moment and said something like "I know just the one you're looking for!" He took me into a back room, pulled a big Wolverine comic off of the shelf, and proudly handed it to me... I was like "what the WTF?" it was rather amusing.
Yeah, I don't really know what else to write... every time that I write in here I look back over it and think to myself "It's the same old dribble. Uninspired ramblings of a common everyday humanoid." and my hand moves the cursor over the close box of my internet browser... well, I suppose this time I can make myself hit the update button.
oh yeah, PS - I fucking hate winter.