And you will know...
"And you will know the sand when it creeps between your toes and warms your heels. And you will know the water when its touch holds you up and pulls you down. And I will love you until I'm held up no more."
Can you quote yourself?
I finished my day at 4:00. I got the job I interviewed for, but they wouldn’t take me because I cannot spend M-W 8am-3pm training this week. This means I’ve got to go back just before spring break so I can spend my spring break here… training for a job.
When I got back I tried my hardest to think of something to do with my remaining day. And I realized how I really don’t have anybody up here that are more than acquaintances. I’ve met somebody new. I’m doing a lot of thinking. That rarely turns out well.
I went to Zarah’s party. I never have fun, and I only stay for 20 minutes: long enough to drink a beer and say hello and thank you to her. Of everyone I’ve met since I’ve moved here, she’s been the most consistent. She tells me when she’s having a party. She shoots the shit talking with me about francais en francais. Though we aren’t friends in the sense I hope for here in Santa Barbara, I really appreciate her. I never feel as though she doesn’t have the time for a quick chat about anything.
Communication… I like to be clear when I deal with people; I hate being indirect. I hate the feeling that people are being indirect with me: either hinting at or hiding something. I hate the feeling I get when I think that people are avoiding me. I hate when I end up doing that to other people unintentionally. (If I’ve done or am doing it, I am sorry.) I hate when I feel like a nuisance, a pest, that guy you just wish would calm down. I hate feeling that way when all I want is to be your friend and be around you. I hate that I care too much too fast. I hate swinging from hot to cold with people. I hate mixed signals. I hate that I read into people’s actions. I love being with you and sleeping next to you, and I hate jeopardizing that. I hate that this entire paragraph is so thinly veiled.
I wish I could stop. I wish I didn’t want anyone. I wish I didn’t need someone. I wish I could play it cool. I wish I wasn’t desperate for affection. I wish I never found someone to give it to me because they always take it when they leave. I wish I could live happily beside dead fires and leave everyone behind because then my happiness couldn’t be taken away.
I just want someone to care for deeply. I want someone that will let me do that. I want someone that will do the same for me, but not because I do it for them.
Can you quote yourself?
I finished my day at 4:00. I got the job I interviewed for, but they wouldn’t take me because I cannot spend M-W 8am-3pm training this week. This means I’ve got to go back just before spring break so I can spend my spring break here… training for a job.
When I got back I tried my hardest to think of something to do with my remaining day. And I realized how I really don’t have anybody up here that are more than acquaintances. I’ve met somebody new. I’m doing a lot of thinking. That rarely turns out well.
I went to Zarah’s party. I never have fun, and I only stay for 20 minutes: long enough to drink a beer and say hello and thank you to her. Of everyone I’ve met since I’ve moved here, she’s been the most consistent. She tells me when she’s having a party. She shoots the shit talking with me about francais en francais. Though we aren’t friends in the sense I hope for here in Santa Barbara, I really appreciate her. I never feel as though she doesn’t have the time for a quick chat about anything.
Communication… I like to be clear when I deal with people; I hate being indirect. I hate the feeling that people are being indirect with me: either hinting at or hiding something. I hate the feeling I get when I think that people are avoiding me. I hate when I end up doing that to other people unintentionally. (If I’ve done or am doing it, I am sorry.) I hate when I feel like a nuisance, a pest, that guy you just wish would calm down. I hate feeling that way when all I want is to be your friend and be around you. I hate that I care too much too fast. I hate swinging from hot to cold with people. I hate mixed signals. I hate that I read into people’s actions. I love being with you and sleeping next to you, and I hate jeopardizing that. I hate that this entire paragraph is so thinly veiled.
I wish I could stop. I wish I didn’t want anyone. I wish I didn’t need someone. I wish I could play it cool. I wish I wasn’t desperate for affection. I wish I never found someone to give it to me because they always take it when they leave. I wish I could live happily beside dead fires and leave everyone behind because then my happiness couldn’t be taken away.
I just want someone to care for deeply. I want someone that will let me do that. I want someone that will do the same for me, but not because I do it for them.