I guess it's outrage. I'm outraged.
Most of the time, I'm fairly laid back. I don't even post on LJ often, because I tend to deal with things internally more than externally. I don't put a lot of stuff "out there."
But ten years ago, I graduated high school, and it was probably the most tumultuous time of my life. 1995 through 1997 can go to hell as far as I'm concerned.
Most of the time, our problems are complicated, but this one for me was fairly simple. Around 95 or 96, my ex-step-mother (who was my stepmother at the time) turned on me... made my life hell. Betrayed me. All sorts of good stuff. I've never been one to cry. But I cried more that year, and the following year, than I ever had or ever have since then.
The worst part was that in 1996 (the year I graduated), I had to see her every day, because she was one of our teachers, not to mention one of the sponsors of our senior class.
Actually, I take that back--the worst part was that I never actually knew why someone I had called "mom" for 14 of my 17 years on earth all of a sudden hated me. Not disliked, but hated.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it was bad. It isn't that long ago that I stopped having nightmares about her.
Recently, my 10 year reunion came up, but I couldn't go because it was in Florida and I had to work. That turned out to be a good thing, because guess who showed up at my reunion? I didn't even know at first, but after the reunion, a friend of mine sent me pictures. And there she was. Sitting on the bleachers for a picture with some of the students.
I don't understand. How can you make someone's life hell? Try to make their father choose between you and them? And then, act like it never happened? Like maybe it was just a funny joke that everybody is over and that any sore spots out there probably just sort of faded away with time?
I guess what I mean is, I'm outraged. And I know we're supposed to let go of stuff. I know all of the "it just hurts you more than it hurts them," etc. Sometimes it's easier to know it than to actually do it. The letting go.
But ten years ago, I graduated high school, and it was probably the most tumultuous time of my life. 1995 through 1997 can go to hell as far as I'm concerned.
Most of the time, our problems are complicated, but this one for me was fairly simple. Around 95 or 96, my ex-step-mother (who was my stepmother at the time) turned on me... made my life hell. Betrayed me. All sorts of good stuff. I've never been one to cry. But I cried more that year, and the following year, than I ever had or ever have since then.
The worst part was that in 1996 (the year I graduated), I had to see her every day, because she was one of our teachers, not to mention one of the sponsors of our senior class.
Actually, I take that back--the worst part was that I never actually knew why someone I had called "mom" for 14 of my 17 years on earth all of a sudden hated me. Not disliked, but hated.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it was bad. It isn't that long ago that I stopped having nightmares about her.
Recently, my 10 year reunion came up, but I couldn't go because it was in Florida and I had to work. That turned out to be a good thing, because guess who showed up at my reunion? I didn't even know at first, but after the reunion, a friend of mine sent me pictures. And there she was. Sitting on the bleachers for a picture with some of the students.
I don't understand. How can you make someone's life hell? Try to make their father choose between you and them? And then, act like it never happened? Like maybe it was just a funny joke that everybody is over and that any sore spots out there probably just sort of faded away with time?
I guess what I mean is, I'm outraged. And I know we're supposed to let go of stuff. I know all of the "it just hurts you more than it hurts them," etc. Sometimes it's easier to know it than to actually do it. The letting go.