When did life get so confusing....
Why do I watch sappy romance movies hoping they'll make me happy, when I know they'll only remind me how much my life isn't perfect? Why doesn't my life turn out the way I think it will? I thought I'd found the perfect person for me and, as usual, I was wrong. I love him so much it hurts, and he's not happy with where he is in life. I should have realized it from the start, but I'm so optomistic when it comes to love.... He's sleeping in the other room as I write this, and all I can think of doing is going in there and cuddling up next to him. Life has gotten so complicated! He seems to still be attracted to me, as he says I'm always tempting him sexually, but sex has just got me so confused! Everytime I think about it, I want him so badly, and then while it's happening, all I can think about is that this will end eventually, so I put him off more than I want to, but what else can I do? It's tearing my heart in pieces, but I don't want to give him up completely. I don't want him to move out for more than one selfish reason, but the one unselfish one is that I don't want him to go back home until he has a place to sleep there. I don't want him to leave partly because I don't want to lose him, but also because I don't want to be in this apartment all by myself, which is how I am most of the time. I sleep during the day, and I'm up all night, and there's not many people around with me at that time.... Even if I had the money to move out, I probably wouldn't... I don't think I can live on my own.... I need people around me. I need friends to keep me company. Even if we're just in the same room, not talking, it's better than being home alone. Heck, even if they're in the other room, and I don't talk to them all night, it's better to know that there's someone there if I need them than to be home all by myself. I just wish life would head in a more posistive direction for me, romantically speaking. I'm tired of falling in love with people who are not ready, willing, or able to fall in love with me!