30 October 1981
I'm worried about Annie.
When did I become the strong adult between Adam, Annie and I? Adam's the married one, Anne's the responsible one and I'm the fuck up. That's how it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to fuck up and have the whole family say "Oh that's just Jake." Adam's hero was killed. Annie's had three important people die in the last couple of weeks. Both of them are royally fucked up.
I miss Eliza. She was a friend, a cousin and a classmate. I'm upset about Fabian and Gideon because they were family, but in the end, I wasn't as close to the two of them. Doesn't mean I think they should have died or any kind of crap like that. I'm not saying anything like that. Maybe I'm just trying to rationalize this.
I don't like taking care of Adam and Annie. It's not supposed to be this way. No. No. No.
I'm afraid Annie's going to turn to booze like I did when Eliza died and that's just not what needs to happen. But there's nothing I can do. No one takes the fuck up seriously.
I think to put it lightly, tomorrow is going to suck.
Omelettes are in my cooking repertoire now.