Family Dreams
I said the women in my family do not do much in the way of keeping track of their dreams, possibly excepting my sis. I just happened to pick up a notebook and read oneof hers once, Nosey, but I never did it again.
Anyway, my maternal grandmother, dad and mom each told me one of theirs.
My mom said years ago she used to dream she was driving all of her kids in a car and ended up in a ditch. I think this was not just a one time dream for her. She used to go to church around that time, and of course one of the Gospel stories is "the blind leading the blind"--hypocritical religious leaders who lead each other the wrong way. I am pretty sure she had an affair with a priest around that time, and she was allowing her mother to babysit us overnight--NOT a good idea. I am assuming that she either didn't remember that her mother abused her, or believed she wouldn't do it again to her grandchildren. Wrong.
My dad had a similar dream, after he divorced and was working in for the city/county as the supervisor of a community center. He said he and his dad were driving around the area there, where he worked and partied. They came to a particular street there and suddenly there was a dead end, an iron fence I think. The street in real life went through, didn't dead end. He mentioned once that his father was "a real Black Irishman". Black Irish are Irish descended from Spanish sailors who landed on the coast after shipwrecks. They may have black or brown, or blue or green eyes. But they have very dark hair and pale skin--kind of like Robert Downey or Ray Liotta. My father and grandfather were like that. But I guess his meaning was that his father was sinister somehow.
If that's true, then I guess it's a good thing they didn't live near us, we only got scattered visits from them. They were quite far away and G'pa was really really skittish about flying or crossing any bridges, so he didn't travel much. I don't remember anything in particular about them being bad, I always thought they were mostly morally upright. G'ma had a little Scotch problem after G'pa died young, but her friends talked to her and she but it out mostly.
But I didn't remember anything bad about my mother's parents until recently and it's been some secondhand information. Also looking back at suspicious stuff again, without using the tool of utter denial.
My grandmother, who probably was either multiple or possessed, I'm not kidding, had the following dream, which had an echo in my life:
prologue: she had a very unpredictable and somewhat violent mother, and was sent to a religious boarding school, probably when she was older, after she'd had this dream (more than once I think). She would wake up screaming from it at night and her mother took her to the family doctor. The doctor got her alone in his office and sat her down and said, "is there anything you would like to tell me?" Like a lot of kids probably would be, she was reluctant to say anything and I think had a lot of reason not to trust adults. The nightmare was that her mother pushed her into the linen closet and slammed the door shut. The shelves divided her into a lot of pieces.
Since her mother was violent with her, that might have seemed like telling on mom anyway, and she would not have known whether the doctor would share this with her mother.
Unfortunately I don't think my grandmother got any treatment for her depression, not of the type you get when you go to an analyst. They would just give her Xanax or whatever. And she would act like a saint, or act out, but mostly likely was not conscious of the fact she was getting up and night and fucking up little kids. Someone is saying LIE right now, so maybe she didn't. But my indications are she did. We do have a lot of "lies' going on, sometimes to cover up for something someone should not have done with the body, but also it was a survival technique for a long time--denial, that nothing really bad happened. Because how else could you live? Until you are ready to handle it.
After I apparently got pregnant and was treated to a surprise abortion by my mother, then got home and was none the wiser, I had the same dream. I dreamed I was in Chicago (never been there but my G'ma was born and raised there) and it was the kitchen pantry just like our Cincinnati home, that I was thrown into and cut into pieces on the shelves.
So when I first found out I was multiple, I thought my mother had caused it. Now I think it was a combination of things from childhood, but she was definitely part of it then too. It's just that in my adult life this was the most traumatic thing that happened to me I guess--especially in the sense that I probably died for a short time during the abortion.
Anyway, my maternal grandmother, dad and mom each told me one of theirs.
My mom said years ago she used to dream she was driving all of her kids in a car and ended up in a ditch. I think this was not just a one time dream for her. She used to go to church around that time, and of course one of the Gospel stories is "the blind leading the blind"--hypocritical religious leaders who lead each other the wrong way. I am pretty sure she had an affair with a priest around that time, and she was allowing her mother to babysit us overnight--NOT a good idea. I am assuming that she either didn't remember that her mother abused her, or believed she wouldn't do it again to her grandchildren. Wrong.
My dad had a similar dream, after he divorced and was working in for the city/county as the supervisor of a community center. He said he and his dad were driving around the area there, where he worked and partied. They came to a particular street there and suddenly there was a dead end, an iron fence I think. The street in real life went through, didn't dead end. He mentioned once that his father was "a real Black Irishman". Black Irish are Irish descended from Spanish sailors who landed on the coast after shipwrecks. They may have black or brown, or blue or green eyes. But they have very dark hair and pale skin--kind of like Robert Downey or Ray Liotta. My father and grandfather were like that. But I guess his meaning was that his father was sinister somehow.
If that's true, then I guess it's a good thing they didn't live near us, we only got scattered visits from them. They were quite far away and G'pa was really really skittish about flying or crossing any bridges, so he didn't travel much. I don't remember anything in particular about them being bad, I always thought they were mostly morally upright. G'ma had a little Scotch problem after G'pa died young, but her friends talked to her and she but it out mostly.
But I didn't remember anything bad about my mother's parents until recently and it's been some secondhand information. Also looking back at suspicious stuff again, without using the tool of utter denial.
My grandmother, who probably was either multiple or possessed, I'm not kidding, had the following dream, which had an echo in my life:
prologue: she had a very unpredictable and somewhat violent mother, and was sent to a religious boarding school, probably when she was older, after she'd had this dream (more than once I think). She would wake up screaming from it at night and her mother took her to the family doctor. The doctor got her alone in his office and sat her down and said, "is there anything you would like to tell me?" Like a lot of kids probably would be, she was reluctant to say anything and I think had a lot of reason not to trust adults. The nightmare was that her mother pushed her into the linen closet and slammed the door shut. The shelves divided her into a lot of pieces.
Since her mother was violent with her, that might have seemed like telling on mom anyway, and she would not have known whether the doctor would share this with her mother.
Unfortunately I don't think my grandmother got any treatment for her depression, not of the type you get when you go to an analyst. They would just give her Xanax or whatever. And she would act like a saint, or act out, but mostly likely was not conscious of the fact she was getting up and night and fucking up little kids. Someone is saying LIE right now, so maybe she didn't. But my indications are she did. We do have a lot of "lies' going on, sometimes to cover up for something someone should not have done with the body, but also it was a survival technique for a long time--denial, that nothing really bad happened. Because how else could you live? Until you are ready to handle it.
After I apparently got pregnant and was treated to a surprise abortion by my mother, then got home and was none the wiser, I had the same dream. I dreamed I was in Chicago (never been there but my G'ma was born and raised there) and it was the kitchen pantry just like our Cincinnati home, that I was thrown into and cut into pieces on the shelves.
So when I first found out I was multiple, I thought my mother had caused it. Now I think it was a combination of things from childhood, but she was definitely part of it then too. It's just that in my adult life this was the most traumatic thing that happened to me I guess--especially in the sense that I probably died for a short time during the abortion.