(no subject)
Bleh, the book only has five chapters online, free, and I was thinking it was the whole book. If I could ever do that thing I want to try, getting prepaid credit cards. But there is never enough money at one time, and I know if I tried to save up, I couldn't NOT run into the need to spend it on necessities, usually food. Unless somehow, if it's true that if you concentrate on the things of heaven, all else will be supplied. Which is at least sometimes true.
BTW, no way I can get this at the library, since my fine is $22, yeah I thought of that. Come to think of it when I buy books certain individuals in my family feel free to borrow without asking and never return
How the heck am I supposed to make a plan for eating properly, btw, when I don't have any income to plan with? And if I get a sponsor in OA, and I am calling in my meal plan everyday, won't I just LIE if I eat something that's not on the plan and that I'm not supposed to eat? If it's going to be like that, I don't want to get into it.
And when I got into it for a few months, I just gained weight. But I think that is around the time things were starting to come together and I figured out that I must be multiple. And I realized when I said in an OA meeting that of course I had not done anything as serious as commit adultery, oh no--I had done some other things but not that, that I sounded just like I or anyone else sounds when LYING.
And I'm always thinking, "now what's going on, what did I do really," or wondering if someone else outside the body did something.
Conclusion this morning (while on a bit of a vacation and able to think more clearly)--the abuse is still going on. There are too many places where there should not be pain, and too much impetus to go crazy with food, etc. This pisses me off, and then there's the part where I'm scared, paralyzed, can't move, etc., and in my system the people whose job it is to take care of keeping the one brother out of jail, and the one married, start sounding off.
Then the Al-Anon kicks in and says maybe that used to be our job, but is it still? Isn't this just something they should be doing themselves. And shouldn't that one BE in jail, and shouldn't the other be away from his wife and pets, who he's abusing?
And round the thoughts go....
BTW, no way I can get this at the library, since my fine is $22, yeah I thought of that. Come to think of it when I buy books certain individuals in my family feel free to borrow without asking and never return
How the heck am I supposed to make a plan for eating properly, btw, when I don't have any income to plan with? And if I get a sponsor in OA, and I am calling in my meal plan everyday, won't I just LIE if I eat something that's not on the plan and that I'm not supposed to eat? If it's going to be like that, I don't want to get into it.
And when I got into it for a few months, I just gained weight. But I think that is around the time things were starting to come together and I figured out that I must be multiple. And I realized when I said in an OA meeting that of course I had not done anything as serious as commit adultery, oh no--I had done some other things but not that, that I sounded just like I or anyone else sounds when LYING.
And I'm always thinking, "now what's going on, what did I do really," or wondering if someone else outside the body did something.
Conclusion this morning (while on a bit of a vacation and able to think more clearly)--the abuse is still going on. There are too many places where there should not be pain, and too much impetus to go crazy with food, etc. This pisses me off, and then there's the part where I'm scared, paralyzed, can't move, etc., and in my system the people whose job it is to take care of keeping the one brother out of jail, and the one married, start sounding off.
Then the Al-Anon kicks in and says maybe that used to be our job, but is it still? Isn't this just something they should be doing themselves. And shouldn't that one BE in jail, and shouldn't the other be away from his wife and pets, who he's abusing?
And round the thoughts go....