11 Wishes

[kindlichekaiser]

[When you walk around the neighborhood, you might see a little booth set up at 506 Ricardo street selling chocolate chip cookies

Comments

[updollsdresses]

[HOWDY NEIGHBOR, have Teatime sitting right next to you out of fucking nowhere, examining one of the cookies.]

Did you make these yourself, miss?

[kindlichekaiser]

[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A TEATIME GET IN VAN]

O-oh! Mr. Teatime... [She smiles happily and nods] I did. I hope they came out right... Will you try one?

[LOOK AT THIS INNOCENT, PURE LITTLE FACE]

[updollsdresses]

[NO EMPRESS DON'T GET IN THE VAN DON'T GET IN THE VAN

He finishes examining the cookie-- for, as an Assassin, he was trained to detect poisons, not salt-- and smiles pleasantly.]

Certainly.

[And then he takes a bite of it.

And everything even slightly resembling human emotion drains from his face.]

[kindlichekaiser]

[B-BUT THAT MAN SAYS HE HAS CANDY AND CANDY IS GOOD RIGHT...?

She watches hi meagerly, but her happy face quickly becomes one of muted horror and then embarrassment]

...No good...?

[updollsdresses]

[THE CANDY IS A LIE

Now, to deal with this situation... On one hand, making a child cry would be incredibly gauche and probably lead to some questions Teatime really doesn't feel like answering at this point in time.]

It's... really disgusting.

[On the other, sociopaths don't really care about any of that empathy nonsense.]

[kindlichekaiser]

[She lowers her gaze a bit and looks a bit dejected]

O-oh... I wonder what I did wrong? I followed the recipe... [She heaves a sigh and wipes at her eyes briefly with the back of her hand, before straightening up.]

I'll just have to try harder the next time than. Thank you for being honest. [Deep down it feels like her HEART WAS RIPPED OUT AND STOMPED ON]

[updollsdresses]

You're welcome, Empress. [LOL DOESN'T CARE]

Are you sure you followed the recipe, though? I'm not a chef or anything, but I've always thought cookies were supposed to be... sweet.

[kindlichekaiser]

Are they? I've never had cookies before, so I wasn't sure.

[She tilts her head back some, thinking carefully] There were two jars of white crystals... I might have mixed them up.

[updollsdresses]

... Heh. You must have... mixed up the sugar with the salt. How awful.

[kindlichekaiser]

I'll try not to make that mistake again, then. [DOES ANYTHING FAZE THIS GIRL]

How have you been, Mr. Teatime? Are you getting used to Mayfield now?

[updollsdresses]

I've been doing very well, Empress, thank you for asking. The weather here is so much more... pleasant than the Desert.

[kindlichekaiser]

The desert...? [She looks to him curiously] You lived in a desert?

[updollsdresses]

No, I lived in Ankh-Morpork. When I died, I went to the Desert.