icons pairing meme, or, how to waste an afternoon
The meme: Go to your icons page in Livejournal and look at the first two icons (the one on the right and the one on the left). Pair up the characters in the two icons. Go to the next two and do the same until you have a list of ships. Then...well, write 'em.
I have a lot of icons, so this produced many pairings, some of them exceedingly strange. Oh, and my icons are here if you wish to play along at home.
Kerr Avon/Rupert Giles:
"Hmmm," Giles said. "Dark, clever, horribly rude but rather witty, obsessive tendencies, doubtfully moral . . . you don't do magic, do you?"
"If you mean do I stride in heroically to save the day against impossible odds, I leave that to - . No. I don't."
"Well then. Let's go to bed."
Rupert Giles/Oz/Ethan Rayne: All I know is it ends in tears. And possibly maimings.
Rupert Giles/Daniel "Oz" Osbourne/Wesley Wyndam Price: The real reason Wes left Sunnydale in such a hurry.
Rupert Giles/Rupert Giles: Drinking and spells don't mix.
Rupert Giles/Ray Kowalski/Benton Fraser: Eh. Maybe Giles is trying to find a new Slayer in Inuvik? But I see Fraser and Ray as deeply monogamous, so I don't think there'd be sexual hijinks.
Sushi/Gaius Baltar: His first miracle was turning ship rations into tuna handrolls.
Bernard Black/Buffy Summers: AHAHAHAHAHAHA NOOOOOOOOO.
Hot guy/another hot guy/Oz/Xander Harris:
"Demons! Demons made me do it!"
"I think it was four Budweisers, Xander."
"Five."
"'kay."
"And maybe some repression."
"Think so?"
"A good, solid, well-packed ten years or so of repression. That exploded."
"Wow. Good thing nobody got hurt."
"My sense of sexual identity doesn't count?"
"Nope."
Character death and irony/Severus Snape: A lifelong love affair.
Joyce Summers/Buffy Summers/Aziraphale/Crowley: Brainbleach. NOW.
T. S. Eliot/correct punctuation:
apostrophes are the cruellest mark
breeding possession and contraction out of dead esses
Fountain pen/Magneto: I'm sure he's got lots of lovely gold pens without any nasty plastic in them and refuses to write with anything less.
Charles Xavier/mindwiped!Erik Lehnsherr/John Constantine: Charles and mindwiped!Erik were totally doing it, but not with John.
John Constantine/hot naked guy/another hot naked guy: Just another Saturday night in Los Angeles.
Scott Summers/Logan: I have written this one for real.
Charles Xavier/his cat Mystique/a mapmaker: Well, I always did think that Charles naming his cat after an ex-girlfriend was creepy.
Sun/Jamie Madrox: Um, a dozen Jamies on a nude beach?
Jamie Madrox/Pietro Maximoff/Erik Lehnsherr: Somehow the father/son incest is the least disturbing thing about this.
Hot dog/mustard/Alton Brown: And with the proceeds from her blackmail, W. retired happily to her own private Caribbean island and never had to see that annoying little man again.
Warrick Brown/Christian Troy: After being shot and put into the witness protection program, Warrick needs facial reconstruction. Soon, Perez Hilton is calling them "the hottest couple in Los Angeles." Sean is jealous, and it serves him right.
Christian Troy/two gay cyborgs: Aliens really did make them do it.
Me/a man who is paranoid about dogs: Still less crazy than some of the guys I've dated.
Delirium/Alan Moore: And they lived, er, inventively ever after.
Flamethrower/rubber duck/Deadpool:
"What do you mean, you didn't know it would melt?"
"Shut up and console me, Cable."
"Fine, I'll buy you another one."
"Not what I had in - wait, another duck? Or another flamethrower? Cause I've been looking at the catalogue, and . . ."
Tenth Doctor/Tenth Doctor: There was an accident with a sex toy and a time machine.
Jack Harkness/Tenth Doctor/Martha Jones/Ianto Jones: I don't doubt that someone's written it. Don't see it myself.
Jack Harkness/Ken and Kenneth, the "suits you, sir" guys from the Fast Show: OMG YES. Ken and Kenneth are out-innuendoed for the first time ever, and then taught some inventive new uses for their measuring tape.
Jack Harkness/real Jack Harkness/Simm!Master: How to make the Jack/Jack romance even more depressing.
Arnold Rimmer/Second Doctor: "Underappreciated musician seeks companion with old-fashioned musical tastes. Must enjoy space travel."
Gene Hunt/Sam Tyler/Ninth Doctor:
"Doctor, this is the third time the TARDIS has taken us to Manchester in 1973. What's wrong with . . . Doctor? Doctor? Oh, where's he gone now?"
Second Doctor/Jamie McCrimmon/Second Doctor: For some reason, the original script of "The Two Doctors" was never filmed.
Fitz Kreiner/Eighth Doctor: Canon. (Yes it is! Really! Lalalala, I can't hear your denial.)
Second Doctor/Jamie McCrimmon/Kerr Avon: Great tastes that do not taste great together. Seriously, the thought of this is like, I dunno, chocolate and smoked salmon.
Vila Restal/Kerr Avon: Written it.
Vila Restal/Kerr Avon/Roj Blake: I could see an angsty PGP survivor-guilt thing.
Roj Blake/Stephen Maturin: "Stephen, we are not going back to Gauda Prime just so you can look at plants!"
Delgado!Master/Delgado!Master:
Third Doctor: How on earth did you bugger up the timelines like this?
Master: *snickers*
Jo Grant/Third Doctor/Jenna Stannis:
And then, with relief, they awoke to discover that this was merely a novel form of Federation brainwashing.
Kerr Avon/Roj Blake/Fitz Kreiner/Eighth Doctor: World's most awkward foursome, as Avon and Fitz loathe each other on sight.
Fitz Kreiner/Third Doctor/Delgado Master:
" - got to reverse the -"
"Not the bloody neutron flow again, I've told you that won't - "
"Would you two just stop arguing for five minutes!" Fitz shouted.
The man whose velvet coat was insufficient evidence for his really being the Doctor turned and looked at him. So did the other one, the really disturbing one with the eyes.
Fitz wrapped his coat around himself tightly, arms locked around his ribs in a way that failed to make him feel safer. "I just want to go home."
"Do you consider the TARDIS home?" asked the disturbing one. Fitz wasn't going to call him Master, no way, not even in his head. "Fond of your Doctor, are you?"
"He's my best friend."
"Really." Dark eyes stared into his, huge dark eyes that made Fitz think of space, and darkness, and dreaming. A hand brushed his temple. "Tell me more."
Distantly, Fitz heard the other Doctor say something like "Don't," but he was already answering. "Never had a friend like him. Not somebody I could always trust, you know? I'd . . . I'd do anything for him."
He was wrenched away, then, and stood blinking and confused. "Are you all right?" the so-called Doctor asked. His hand was under Fitz's elbow, gently supporting him. "You mustn't let him do that again, Fitz," he said, scowling over at Mr. Hypnosis, who smiled ironically in return. "He's dangerous."
"Really, Doctor. Why would I hurt a poor infatuated innocent?"
Fitz's fingers touch the sleeve of the Doctor's coat. Velvet, the wrong color but the right feel. He wanted to go and put his head down for an hour or two, but his bedroom wasn't in this TARDIS. His bedroom could be in another galaxy a million years from now. "I'm not - "
"Of course you are." Such a convincing voice he had, as dark and fathomless as his eyes. "It's all right. I was too, once." Another smile, still ironic. Fitz was beginning to think it was the only smile he had. "Mind you, he was beautiful then. Is your Doctor beautiful?"
Fitz kept silent, leaning into the old Doctor's (younger Doctor's, and no wonder he felt so muddled) velvet arm. But what he thought, and knew he thought, and would never be able to forget he thought, was: Yes.
Second Doctor/gun: Eh, probably not.
TARDIS/asparagus:
"I'm really tired of this! Not only do we keep materializing in Manchester in 1973, but it's always in bloody market gardens! As soon as I find you, Doctor, you're buying me a new pair of shoes."
Figs/Second Doctor/Jamie McCrimmon: "My vegetable love will grow / Vaster than empires, and more slow."
Books/Carnell: After leaving Space Command, Carnell establishes the Black Hole Press and soon publishes that underground porn classic Roger the Rebel.
Jack Harkness/Dalek/Eighth Doctor: "Pen-e-trate! Pen-e-trate!" (*runs away*)
Hepster guy/Tenth Doctor: Nobody ever understood how Alex was the first to know about all the best bands.
Kerr Avon/Sherlock Holmes: I have no idea, except that at some point Vila asks, "So, how do two computers fuck?"
Obama supporter/Barack Obama/two XKCD characters who talk about slash in bed: Rule 34.
Horatio/Master (Curse of Fatal Death version): "I like it when you call me 'my lord.'"
Bodie/Bodie: I wouldn't entirely put it past Bodie to think of himself while he masturbates, so . . .
Airship/characters from Spaced: They could all build one together! Tim tells Daisy she can write about it, tells Brian it's an art project, and tells Mike they can install cannons.
Dave Vine/Marxist-feminist dialectic: So long as Vine can wear makeup, he'd love to be part of your revolution.
*****
I have a lot of icons, so this produced many pairings, some of them exceedingly strange. Oh, and my icons are here if you wish to play along at home.
Kerr Avon/Rupert Giles:
"Hmmm," Giles said. "Dark, clever, horribly rude but rather witty, obsessive tendencies, doubtfully moral . . . you don't do magic, do you?"
"If you mean do I stride in heroically to save the day against impossible odds, I leave that to - . No. I don't."
"Well then. Let's go to bed."
Rupert Giles/Oz/Ethan Rayne: All I know is it ends in tears. And possibly maimings.
Rupert Giles/Daniel "Oz" Osbourne/Wesley Wyndam Price: The real reason Wes left Sunnydale in such a hurry.
Rupert Giles/Rupert Giles: Drinking and spells don't mix.
Rupert Giles/Ray Kowalski/Benton Fraser: Eh. Maybe Giles is trying to find a new Slayer in Inuvik? But I see Fraser and Ray as deeply monogamous, so I don't think there'd be sexual hijinks.
Sushi/Gaius Baltar: His first miracle was turning ship rations into tuna handrolls.
Bernard Black/Buffy Summers: AHAHAHAHAHAHA NOOOOOOOOO.
Hot guy/another hot guy/Oz/Xander Harris:
"Demons! Demons made me do it!"
"I think it was four Budweisers, Xander."
"Five."
"'kay."
"And maybe some repression."
"Think so?"
"A good, solid, well-packed ten years or so of repression. That exploded."
"Wow. Good thing nobody got hurt."
"My sense of sexual identity doesn't count?"
"Nope."
Character death and irony/Severus Snape: A lifelong love affair.
Joyce Summers/Buffy Summers/Aziraphale/Crowley: Brainbleach. NOW.
T. S. Eliot/correct punctuation:
apostrophes are the cruellest mark
breeding possession and contraction out of dead esses
Fountain pen/Magneto: I'm sure he's got lots of lovely gold pens without any nasty plastic in them and refuses to write with anything less.
Charles Xavier/mindwiped!Erik Lehnsherr/John Constantine: Charles and mindwiped!Erik were totally doing it, but not with John.
John Constantine/hot naked guy/another hot naked guy: Just another Saturday night in Los Angeles.
Scott Summers/Logan: I have written this one for real.
Charles Xavier/his cat Mystique/a mapmaker: Well, I always did think that Charles naming his cat after an ex-girlfriend was creepy.
Sun/Jamie Madrox: Um, a dozen Jamies on a nude beach?
Jamie Madrox/Pietro Maximoff/Erik Lehnsherr: Somehow the father/son incest is the least disturbing thing about this.
Hot dog/mustard/Alton Brown: And with the proceeds from her blackmail, W. retired happily to her own private Caribbean island and never had to see that annoying little man again.
Warrick Brown/Christian Troy: After being shot and put into the witness protection program, Warrick needs facial reconstruction. Soon, Perez Hilton is calling them "the hottest couple in Los Angeles." Sean is jealous, and it serves him right.
Christian Troy/two gay cyborgs: Aliens really did make them do it.
Me/a man who is paranoid about dogs: Still less crazy than some of the guys I've dated.
Delirium/Alan Moore: And they lived, er, inventively ever after.
Flamethrower/rubber duck/Deadpool:
"What do you mean, you didn't know it would melt?"
"Shut up and console me, Cable."
"Fine, I'll buy you another one."
"Not what I had in - wait, another duck? Or another flamethrower? Cause I've been looking at the catalogue, and . . ."
Tenth Doctor/Tenth Doctor: There was an accident with a sex toy and a time machine.
Jack Harkness/Tenth Doctor/Martha Jones/Ianto Jones: I don't doubt that someone's written it. Don't see it myself.
Jack Harkness/Ken and Kenneth, the "suits you, sir" guys from the Fast Show: OMG YES. Ken and Kenneth are out-innuendoed for the first time ever, and then taught some inventive new uses for their measuring tape.
Jack Harkness/real Jack Harkness/Simm!Master: How to make the Jack/Jack romance even more depressing.
Arnold Rimmer/Second Doctor: "Underappreciated musician seeks companion with old-fashioned musical tastes. Must enjoy space travel."
Gene Hunt/Sam Tyler/Ninth Doctor:
"Doctor, this is the third time the TARDIS has taken us to Manchester in 1973. What's wrong with . . . Doctor? Doctor? Oh, where's he gone now?"
Second Doctor/Jamie McCrimmon/Second Doctor: For some reason, the original script of "The Two Doctors" was never filmed.
Fitz Kreiner/Eighth Doctor: Canon. (Yes it is! Really! Lalalala, I can't hear your denial.)
Second Doctor/Jamie McCrimmon/Kerr Avon: Great tastes that do not taste great together. Seriously, the thought of this is like, I dunno, chocolate and smoked salmon.
Vila Restal/Kerr Avon: Written it.
Vila Restal/Kerr Avon/Roj Blake: I could see an angsty PGP survivor-guilt thing.
Roj Blake/Stephen Maturin: "Stephen, we are not going back to Gauda Prime just so you can look at plants!"
Delgado!Master/Delgado!Master:
Third Doctor: How on earth did you bugger up the timelines like this?
Master: *snickers*
Jo Grant/Third Doctor/Jenna Stannis:
And then, with relief, they awoke to discover that this was merely a novel form of Federation brainwashing.
Kerr Avon/Roj Blake/Fitz Kreiner/Eighth Doctor: World's most awkward foursome, as Avon and Fitz loathe each other on sight.
Fitz Kreiner/Third Doctor/Delgado Master:
" - got to reverse the -"
"Not the bloody neutron flow again, I've told you that won't - "
"Would you two just stop arguing for five minutes!" Fitz shouted.
The man whose velvet coat was insufficient evidence for his really being the Doctor turned and looked at him. So did the other one, the really disturbing one with the eyes.
Fitz wrapped his coat around himself tightly, arms locked around his ribs in a way that failed to make him feel safer. "I just want to go home."
"Do you consider the TARDIS home?" asked the disturbing one. Fitz wasn't going to call him Master, no way, not even in his head. "Fond of your Doctor, are you?"
"He's my best friend."
"Really." Dark eyes stared into his, huge dark eyes that made Fitz think of space, and darkness, and dreaming. A hand brushed his temple. "Tell me more."
Distantly, Fitz heard the other Doctor say something like "Don't," but he was already answering. "Never had a friend like him. Not somebody I could always trust, you know? I'd . . . I'd do anything for him."
He was wrenched away, then, and stood blinking and confused. "Are you all right?" the so-called Doctor asked. His hand was under Fitz's elbow, gently supporting him. "You mustn't let him do that again, Fitz," he said, scowling over at Mr. Hypnosis, who smiled ironically in return. "He's dangerous."
"Really, Doctor. Why would I hurt a poor infatuated innocent?"
Fitz's fingers touch the sleeve of the Doctor's coat. Velvet, the wrong color but the right feel. He wanted to go and put his head down for an hour or two, but his bedroom wasn't in this TARDIS. His bedroom could be in another galaxy a million years from now. "I'm not - "
"Of course you are." Such a convincing voice he had, as dark and fathomless as his eyes. "It's all right. I was too, once." Another smile, still ironic. Fitz was beginning to think it was the only smile he had. "Mind you, he was beautiful then. Is your Doctor beautiful?"
Fitz kept silent, leaning into the old Doctor's (younger Doctor's, and no wonder he felt so muddled) velvet arm. But what he thought, and knew he thought, and would never be able to forget he thought, was: Yes.
Second Doctor/gun: Eh, probably not.
TARDIS/asparagus:
"I'm really tired of this! Not only do we keep materializing in Manchester in 1973, but it's always in bloody market gardens! As soon as I find you, Doctor, you're buying me a new pair of shoes."
Figs/Second Doctor/Jamie McCrimmon: "My vegetable love will grow / Vaster than empires, and more slow."
Books/Carnell: After leaving Space Command, Carnell establishes the Black Hole Press and soon publishes that underground porn classic Roger the Rebel.
Jack Harkness/Dalek/Eighth Doctor: "Pen-e-trate! Pen-e-trate!" (*runs away*)
Hepster guy/Tenth Doctor: Nobody ever understood how Alex was the first to know about all the best bands.
Kerr Avon/Sherlock Holmes: I have no idea, except that at some point Vila asks, "So, how do two computers fuck?"
Obama supporter/Barack Obama/two XKCD characters who talk about slash in bed: Rule 34.
Horatio/Master (Curse of Fatal Death version): "I like it when you call me 'my lord.'"
Bodie/Bodie: I wouldn't entirely put it past Bodie to think of himself while he masturbates, so . . .
Airship/characters from Spaced: They could all build one together! Tim tells Daisy she can write about it, tells Brian it's an art project, and tells Mike they can install cannons.
Dave Vine/Marxist-feminist dialectic: So long as Vine can wear makeup, he'd love to be part of your revolution.
*****