Something nearer to now...
Recently, a friend of mine, Chris, had his kids taken from his care and moved a thousand miles away by their mother, his (Former?) girlfriend. Watching him deal with the situation has been a trial for me, in that I feel like I should have done something to prevent it, and since that option is no longer available, I now feel responsible for fixing it. The only thing is: I can't. Even if I could, I shouldn't. It's not my place to fix his problems, but still the sense that I should be doing something more weighs on me.
Logically, I can't do any more than I have been. I've made myself available to talk, I've offered advice, played Devil's Advocate in order to refine his plans, and supported him as much as he's willing to let me. Still, after all is said and done, his kids are still in texas, and I've done nothing to get them back for him.
It's hard to watch a friend stand on the edge of breaking down, knowing that one small misstep, one nudge to many, and he'll fall in. Now, I know the guy pretty well. Even if the worst should happen, he'll come through. He's a fighter, and he'll pull it together and get himself out of the hole. I know this.
I also don't want him to fall to begin with, and since I have so little influence on the grand majority of the factors that surround this situation, I find myself feeling powerless to help in any real way.
This, I can assure you, sucks. Allot.
Now, he has other friends, whom he's known longer than me, who know him better than me, and they're working just as hard, if not harder, to help him. Cross is like a rock for him, one of the few stable sounding boards he's got, and it helps because the two of them are so much alike it's scary. James has continually offered support, but Chris being Chris, has yet to really get to a point mentally where he can accept the kind of support James is offering. Chris's family have been very supportive of him and his decisions, which is always a plus. So, it isn't like he's in this alone, or that I'm solely responsible for his mental welfare.
I just feel that I'm not doing enough of the right things.
Which brings up my other fear: that I'm doing the wrong things. I've been at his house damn near every night since the kids got taken, trying to make sure that he's not alone, that he has someone to talk to if or when he needs one. However, sometimes people need to just be alone, so they can experience emotional responses they can't or won't show to others. I've tried to convey to Chris that if he needs solo time, he need only ask, but at the same time, I fear that by waiting till he asks, I'm forcing him to bottle things up until the pressure builds to the point where he'll explode. I might cause the emotional breakdown I'm trying to prevent. The fact that I have the best of intentions won't mean shit in that case.
So, right now, I walk on eggshells and pray that I'm doing the right thing. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20, so I guess I'll have to wait till things settle out before I know if I did the right thing or not. I can only act with the information available and fill in the rest with predictions and assumptions whats left over.
Hopefully, the old adage about assuming won't come back to haunt me...
Kindig Out
Logically, I can't do any more than I have been. I've made myself available to talk, I've offered advice, played Devil's Advocate in order to refine his plans, and supported him as much as he's willing to let me. Still, after all is said and done, his kids are still in texas, and I've done nothing to get them back for him.
It's hard to watch a friend stand on the edge of breaking down, knowing that one small misstep, one nudge to many, and he'll fall in. Now, I know the guy pretty well. Even if the worst should happen, he'll come through. He's a fighter, and he'll pull it together and get himself out of the hole. I know this.
I also don't want him to fall to begin with, and since I have so little influence on the grand majority of the factors that surround this situation, I find myself feeling powerless to help in any real way.
This, I can assure you, sucks. Allot.
Now, he has other friends, whom he's known longer than me, who know him better than me, and they're working just as hard, if not harder, to help him. Cross is like a rock for him, one of the few stable sounding boards he's got, and it helps because the two of them are so much alike it's scary. James has continually offered support, but Chris being Chris, has yet to really get to a point mentally where he can accept the kind of support James is offering. Chris's family have been very supportive of him and his decisions, which is always a plus. So, it isn't like he's in this alone, or that I'm solely responsible for his mental welfare.
I just feel that I'm not doing enough of the right things.
Which brings up my other fear: that I'm doing the wrong things. I've been at his house damn near every night since the kids got taken, trying to make sure that he's not alone, that he has someone to talk to if or when he needs one. However, sometimes people need to just be alone, so they can experience emotional responses they can't or won't show to others. I've tried to convey to Chris that if he needs solo time, he need only ask, but at the same time, I fear that by waiting till he asks, I'm forcing him to bottle things up until the pressure builds to the point where he'll explode. I might cause the emotional breakdown I'm trying to prevent. The fact that I have the best of intentions won't mean shit in that case.
So, right now, I walk on eggshells and pray that I'm doing the right thing. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20, so I guess I'll have to wait till things settle out before I know if I did the right thing or not. I can only act with the information available and fill in the rest with predictions and assumptions whats left over.
Hopefully, the old adage about assuming won't come back to haunt me...
Kindig Out