Weird
Ok, so I kinda hope that no one reads my stuff.. but if anyone does, I suppose its what ever. Anywhoo, idk, like 3 or 4 weeks ago, Tedd and I broke up. I was really upset because I couldn't believe that he could just lie to me like he did, but even more so because I believed every word he said. He used me and cheated on me then broke up with me cause he apparently "didn't have time for a girlfriend." I mean, granted, we only hung out once every week to two weeks, and he hardly talked to me, but that wasnt because he was busy, it was definitely because he was fucking around with someone else. The signs were ALL there. I hate myself for being so blind. I think it was because I had very strong feelings for him and he made me love me and forget about all my insecurities. He was the first one i felt like that with since Shaun.. Tedd gave me butterflies and, we had such a connection. Again, I hate how I was so blind. I basically opened up an oppertunity for someone to tear my hear open again.
It actually makes me feel like I wasnt good enough.. like I'll never be good enough.. Shaun was my everything, and I definitely fucked it up with him. No doubt about it, I fucked that one up. But after Tedd using me and cheating on me.. I feel responsible.. Like.. What more could I have done to not be broken up with? I couldve done a lot more. I wasnt trying my hardest to keep either one of them.. Now I'm scared to death to open myself up for another relationship, to fall in love. I really don't know if I can handle being broken again.. I still really want Shaun, but I know it would be really bad. He isn't who he used to be, I need to realize that. I'm stuck on what we used to have, whats no longer there, what can never come back again.. I havent gone a day without thinking about him and actually, I'm quite ashamed. He's moved on, and he wants absolutely nothing else to do with me ever, I can't stand how I'm stuck on him still.. I guess first loves stick with you forever...
So, Tedd got his license back on the 20th of April, and we broke up a few days before that. Well, he still has my videogame and my DVD. He said he'd get it back to me as soon as he could. I definitely think I should have gotten them by now. I would like to go over there and get them myself, but I know I'd cry if I saw him. I can honestly say that he was special to me. WOW! I don't even know why I'm saying that. Everything he told me was a lie, so that means that HE'S NOT EVEN REAL! I dont know.. Im just rambaling on now.
PeaceLove&Hannah
<3
It actually makes me feel like I wasnt good enough.. like I'll never be good enough.. Shaun was my everything, and I definitely fucked it up with him. No doubt about it, I fucked that one up. But after Tedd using me and cheating on me.. I feel responsible.. Like.. What more could I have done to not be broken up with? I couldve done a lot more. I wasnt trying my hardest to keep either one of them.. Now I'm scared to death to open myself up for another relationship, to fall in love. I really don't know if I can handle being broken again.. I still really want Shaun, but I know it would be really bad. He isn't who he used to be, I need to realize that. I'm stuck on what we used to have, whats no longer there, what can never come back again.. I havent gone a day without thinking about him and actually, I'm quite ashamed. He's moved on, and he wants absolutely nothing else to do with me ever, I can't stand how I'm stuck on him still.. I guess first loves stick with you forever...
So, Tedd got his license back on the 20th of April, and we broke up a few days before that. Well, he still has my videogame and my DVD. He said he'd get it back to me as soon as he could. I definitely think I should have gotten them by now. I would like to go over there and get them myself, but I know I'd cry if I saw him. I can honestly say that he was special to me. WOW! I don't even know why I'm saying that. Everything he told me was a lie, so that means that HE'S NOT EVEN REAL! I dont know.. Im just rambaling on now.
PeaceLove&Hannah
<3