Precision-Patience-Passion (5/6)
Title: Precision-Patience-Passion
Pairing: Sakurai Sho/Matsumoto Jun
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3,009 words for this chapter (27,917 words for the whole fic)
Summary: “As I was saying, cooking is one of the most elaborate forms of art and requires what I’d like to call the three Ps: precision, patience and passion. It’s… What NOW?” - Jun knows he is one of the best cooking instructors you can get, but his new class confronts him with unexpected challenges...
Disclaimer: No money was made with this work of fiction. The only thing belonging to us is the plot bunny. No copyright infringement intended.
Notes: Our shortes chapter - therefore, we'll post the final one on Sunday already. We're afraid there will be a little more drama in this one, so you've been warned. Blame it on watching too many J-doramas. :)
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
Jun still couldn’t stop grinning two days later in the lobby of the Rainbow Imperial.
The look, oh the look on Sho’s face, the sound he had made when he had come - it hadn’t been Jun’s name but he could live with that. In fact, the memory had carried him through the night, even though Shun had complained that Jun constantly occupied the bathroom. A taste of his own medicine had served that playboy right.
Unfortunately, he hadn’t met Sho in the meantime, but they had been texting and he would see him tonight. Jun was a bit nervous; it would be the first time in a REALLY long time that he brought someone home, let alone cooked for him.
But first things first - he was here, in one of Tokyo’s finest hotels to apply for a job in their star-premiered kitchen. Not quite his dream of his own restaurant, but the pay was good and this was his chance to learn a thing or two while he saved enough money for his dream. Plus, he had a pretty good feeling after the meeting with Kitagawa-san.
So yeah, it was fucking hard NOT to grin and be happy right now.
“Matsumoto-san…” The woman - Julie something-san, Kitagawa’s assistant - showed him the way out. An unpleasant woman; she was polite but only because she had to. “Thank you for taking the time. We’ll stay in touch and get back to you shortly.”
He worked his grin into something more neutral - hard work, but her attitude was helping - and thanked her as well, nodding. Then he turned on his heel, a spring to his steps he had so long been missing without even knowing it. This was going to be a good day, Jun just knew it. The weather was nice. Kitagawa-san had almost asked directly when he would be able to start, even if nothing was official yet. Sho would visit for dinner tonight. Life was sweet.
When he heard an all too familiar voice: “Jun-kun?”
Jun stopped dead in his tracks at the surprised and also a bit sheepish tone, then whirled around to find the very man who had been occupying his thoughts just across from him. Suddenly, his heart was racing. It was Sho. Sho, whom he hadn’t thought he would see before tonight. Sho, who was the one person he could just hug right now. Sho, who looked sharp in his expensive dark pin-stripe suit and deep red tie. Jun just stood there for a long moment as he watched his student - and, more importantly, his lover - walk towards him.
“You look good in a suit,” the other man smiled amicably while his eyes were telling a very different story.
Jun’s suit was off the rack, even if he liked its cut and colour. Seeing Sho’s clothes up close like this, it wasn’t even worth mentioning, he found. “So do you,” he managed. “What are you doing here?”
“I have a meeting with the manager in… uh, thirty minutes. I’m a bit early but I have an appointment this afternoon that I really don’t wanna miss. What about you?”
God, he really loved Sho’s smiles, especially the one in the other man’s eyes. It made his stomach all fuzzy and his knees go weak, but definitely in a good way. He was even willing to forget that it was a bit suspicious that Sho had almost killed them in the kitchen - several times - and suddenly was able to make decent pasta and tasty mussels. Suspicious, but who was he to complain.
“I had an interview and…” He leaned forward to add in a whisper screaming confidentiality, “...and I think it went pretty well. We might celebrate tonight.”
“So it WAS you,” Sho blurted.
It wasn’t what Jun had expected and only puzzled him. “Sorry, what was me? I...”
But Sho was already continuing with some sort of context. “When Kitagawa-san said he had found someone promising for the sous-chef position, I immediately thought of you...”
“You WHAT? Why would you...?” A chilling realization dawned on him. “How do you know Kitagawa-san?”
“My family owns the hotel.”
“Your family what?” Jun knew that he most likely looked like a complete idiot, eyes wide open in surprise and jaw dropped. How could Sho’s family own the Rainbow Imperial when it was part of the...
Oh. OH! That was the moment it finally hit him, the moment he realized why Sho’s name had sounded familiar although he had been unable to quite place it. Rather, why SAKURAI had rung a bell or two.
The Sakurai family owned a variety of luxury hotels all over Japan, had their fingers in the food industry and also invested in adult education (under the name of Rainbow Corporation). Among other things, they also owned the school Jun worked at. Yes, Jun had done his homework when he had prepared for today’s interview.
Fuck. FUCK. But that meant...
“My family owns the Rainbow Imperial Hotel,” Sho confirmed again. He had probably noticed the shock in Jun’s eyes. “As well as the Arashi Culinary Academy. But...”
“No buts,” Jun interrupted, fighting hard to at least outwardly stay calm and collected, bowing deeply. “I don’t think I need to hear any excuses or explanations. I hope I passed your evaluation and I will apologize to Kitagawa-san that I withdraw my application.”
Before he would do or say something wrong in front of his boss, he turned and left. He had to - he felt like crying and yelling at the same time.
At least, some things did make sense now: Why Sho had managed to cook decent food after almost burning down the kitchen only days before; he had probably tested Jun for the company. Why Jun had actually been invited to a job interview at this top-notch hotel; Sho had suggested him. Why they hadn’t been caught and he hadn’t been fired after getting down and dirty at school; Sho was his boss, so he could hardly incriminate himself.
It all made perfect sense now. And it hurt.
He walked as fast as he could without running, trying to leave the hotel and all it stood for behind as soon as possible and prayed for Sho-Sakurai not to follow him. He probably needed to find a new job now, but this time he’d make sure to check out all the CIOs, CEOs and whatnot first - plus their pictures, just to be on the safe side.
~*~
Shun hadn’t been home. Of course not, Jun had asked his friend to give him some privacy for the evening (and night) and he had agreed. Fuck, they shouldn’t have had that conversation about the apartment a few days earlier. And of course, he wasn’t answering his phone - probably banging a chick and her friend and her sister somewhere.
Great, just great.
So here he was, standing in the kitchen, all by himself with all the ingredients for a delicious (show-off) dinner for two. And now what? He could hardly throw it away, not even to make a point. If there was one thing Jun hated, it was wasting food - or unknowingly fucking his boss and ruining his life, but that was a whole different story.
So he settled for cooking. Not for Sh-Sakurai but to keep his mind off him. And then he would throw a pity party all for himself.
He showered and changed into his PJs first, got rid of his contacts and wore his glasses instead, even put in his braces and hair band. If he was to wallow in self-pity he could go the whole nine yards, right? After all, he didn’t have anyone to dress up for.
Getting back to the kitchen, feeling a little more comfortable and ready to face this evening all alone, Jun decided to put a bottle of martini in the freezer to get his one-man party started. He didn’t need to waste the good wine he had bought for their dinner, and martini would give him a faster buzz anyway. That was what he needed right now.
Also, he needed to chase off the silence that was hanging over the apartment. Otherwise he would just think too much. Jun knew he had a tendency to overthink, to lose himself in his thoughts, and he couldn’t let that happen before dinner was done. So he turned on the stereo in his room, cranking up the volume so he would be able to hear it in the kitchen.
Dolce… he would start with the dolce because break-up heartache rule number one said you had to have alcohol and sweets ready. He wasn’t the ice cream type of guy, but he sure knew how to appreciate a homemade mousse au chocolat. Death by chocolate - he was so in for it tonight.
Jun was just about to start when he heard the doorbell ring. Great, Shun should tape the keys to his body; this was the millionth time he couldn’t find them because he was wasted.
“Coming!” Jun set the chocolate aside and went to open the front door, turning off the music on the way, a sharp remark about holding one’s liquor ready on the tip of his tongue…
…just to find Sho standing in front of his apartment when he opened the door. Fuck!
“…” Anything Jun might have wanted to say to his roommate withered and died, unspoken and instantly.
Instead, instinct took over, self-preservation, and he quickly shut the door again. Of all the people to see Jun like this, it had to be Sho. When Jun was at his most vulnerable, without any kind of styling or even decent clothes. Part of him wanted to run to his room and get changed. Part of him just wanted to die there and then. Why was the guy even here?
There was another ring of the doorbell, and a little muffled but audible through the door, he could hear Sho’s voice. “I’m not gonna leave, if that’s what you’re thinking. I think we need to talk. Now.”
“Why would I wanna talk to you?” Jun hated himself for the slight sniffling that was audible in his voice.
“’Cause the neighbours are already looking to see what the commotion’s all about.”
Fuck. He didn’t want the neighbours to look - as much as he wanted to project that image of aloofness, he very much cared what other people thought of him. With a sigh, Jun opened the door and let Sho in. Of course, the other man was still wearing his smart clothes, looking gorgeous as ever while Jun was still stuck in his pyjamas.
“Thanks...” Sho didn’t waste any time but already slipped out of his shoes. “You had me worried for a moment... Now, I think we need to talk.”
Jun scowled at that. “I know we need to talk.” Even if he didn’t really want to. He took a deep breath, avoiding Sho’s gaze as best he could. He still felt uncomfortable being seen like that by the guy he had crushed so hard on, of all people. “I’ll just quickly get changed. You wanna wait in the living room?”
“Oh no,” Sho’s voice was neither loud nor particularly hostile, but there was a sense of seriousness and most of all order in it that made Jun hesitate and not protest. “I won’t let you leave now that I have you here. So either you sit down in the living room with me or I’m coming with you.”
“But…” The words withered on Jun’s tongue when his eyes met Sho’s. The gravity and control in them spoke a clear enough language.
“No buts, I want this sorted out and I take it so do you.”
It was clear that Sho wouldn’t take no for an answer so Jun gave in. In a way, he was right and the sooner they talked, the sooner he would know if he would have to nurse a heartache and look for a new job.
So he led him to the living room. He had pictured the first time with Sho in his apartment a little different, but at least it was tidy and clean. Probably smaller than Sho’s place but... that didn’t matter now.
“Would you like a drink?” Jun asked, suddenly remembering his duties as a host. Maybe he was just playing for time, but then Sho shook his head.
“No, thank you. But you can start with your explanation any time now...”
Jun lowered his gaze and took a deep breath, letting it out in a drawn-out sigh. “That’s hard, you know. I… When you confirmed that you’re ultimately my boss, I guess I just freaked. Why didn’t you tell me before? I mean, yes, I can read very well, but I just didn’t make that connection. There’s so many people out there by the name of Sakurai, so… Anyway, when you told me, you pretty much also confirmed that I got that job interview because of you and maybe all of what happened, why you’re in my class, it was all just a test. An evaluation.” Over the course of his words, he had raised his head again, meeting Sho’s gaze and challenging him to confirm his greatest fears. Jun vowed he wouldn’t go down without a fight.
“You actually think that?” Sho’s voice sounded more hurt than angry, when he flopped down on the couch.
Even though Jun started pacing because he was nervous and moving around had always helped him think, he could just feel the other man’s gaze always on him. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I’ve tried to make sense of everything that’s happened since I first met you, but I just don’t know you. And that realization was what really hurt.”
“Jun, I really thought you knew, I wasn’t trying to lead you on. I rarely run around telling people, oh, by the way, my family owns the company you’re working for. Also, it didn’t matter, at least not to me. It’s not like we’re working together or someone is taking advantage of the other. But I do get your point why it might be... not an ideal situation.”
Sho uncrossed his arms and Jun could tell that he was telling the truth - still, it WAS weird blowing your boss and he wished he had known in advance.
“What I don’t get is why you thought I was testing you. Or why you were hurt or felt like not knowing me. Jun, we’ve met less than four weeks ago, so naturally there are things you don’t know about me. But you should know me well enough to know that I’m not a malicious guy making fun of other people’s lives just to pass the time. You’ll have to trust me on that one.”
Subconsciously, Jun crossed his arms over his chest as he was facing Sho. “Funnily enough, I do trust you,” he said with a sad smile. “And of course I can’t know you all that well yet, but I thought I knew something about you. When I realized I know even less about you than I thought, I started questioning everything. How would I know what makes the top 10.000 tick? I thought there had to be a reason you were in my class other than Ninomiya-san finding it funny. That maybe you were evaluating me to get me that interview. For which I’ll of course withdraw my application, because I don’t wanna be indebted to you. I need to make it on my own.”
Irritation was more than visible on Sho’s handsome face. “You did. I’d never fix a job for you. Or evaluate you. I was in your class because it was probably the most convenient way. But you know what? I was pretty close to saying something to Kitagawa-san after I met you in the lobby. That was extremely embarrassing.”
“You didn’t...?” Jun stammered a little confused. And he had been so sure.
“No, I didn’t. Firstly, you don’t need my help and I’m pretty sure you know that when you’re not creating problems where there are none. Secondly, I think you wouldn’t appreciate my interference and, thirdly, I do believe you have to work for the things you want - otherwise you can’t enjoy them the way you should. The same way I believe in talking before assuming and accusing - although I won’t deny I’ve had my struggles with temper in the past. You do know you still owe me an apology - but I just want to hear it if you mean it.”
Jun had to swallow hard. He couldn’t give that apology. At least not say it. Not yet. This whole… day had not been what he had hoped it to be. Both of them had been looking forward to tonight, he knew. Now that it was here, though, and after everything that had happened, it was a mess. They weren’t fighting, not with voices raised and tempers out of control, at least… But it was far from what he had imagined it to be when they had set the dinner date.
“Would you still be okay with me making dinner?” he asked instead. He wanted to do… something… right first. “’Cause I agree with you, one has to work for the things one wants.” And this was a kind of work Jun knew exactly how to do.
Jun was half convinced that Sho would go and he had seen the last of him when he didn’t answer right away. Sweat was building on his forehead and he didn’t even realize that he was holding his breath, until Sho finally nodded. “Okay...”
It didn’t sound fully convinced but Jun was happy to take what he could get. He knew he was standing in his own way, knew that this was something worth fighting for - but sorry sometimes seemed to be the hardest word.
to be continued in part 6
Pairing: Sakurai Sho/Matsumoto Jun
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3,009 words for this chapter (27,917 words for the whole fic)
Summary: “As I was saying, cooking is one of the most elaborate forms of art and requires what I’d like to call the three Ps: precision, patience and passion. It’s… What NOW?” - Jun knows he is one of the best cooking instructors you can get, but his new class confronts him with unexpected challenges...
Disclaimer: No money was made with this work of fiction. The only thing belonging to us is the plot bunny. No copyright infringement intended.
Notes: Our shortes chapter - therefore, we'll post the final one on Sunday already. We're afraid there will be a little more drama in this one, so you've been warned. Blame it on watching too many J-doramas. :)
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
Jun still couldn’t stop grinning two days later in the lobby of the Rainbow Imperial.
The look, oh the look on Sho’s face, the sound he had made when he had come - it hadn’t been Jun’s name but he could live with that. In fact, the memory had carried him through the night, even though Shun had complained that Jun constantly occupied the bathroom. A taste of his own medicine had served that playboy right.
Unfortunately, he hadn’t met Sho in the meantime, but they had been texting and he would see him tonight. Jun was a bit nervous; it would be the first time in a REALLY long time that he brought someone home, let alone cooked for him.
But first things first - he was here, in one of Tokyo’s finest hotels to apply for a job in their star-premiered kitchen. Not quite his dream of his own restaurant, but the pay was good and this was his chance to learn a thing or two while he saved enough money for his dream. Plus, he had a pretty good feeling after the meeting with Kitagawa-san.
So yeah, it was fucking hard NOT to grin and be happy right now.
“Matsumoto-san…” The woman - Julie something-san, Kitagawa’s assistant - showed him the way out. An unpleasant woman; she was polite but only because she had to. “Thank you for taking the time. We’ll stay in touch and get back to you shortly.”
He worked his grin into something more neutral - hard work, but her attitude was helping - and thanked her as well, nodding. Then he turned on his heel, a spring to his steps he had so long been missing without even knowing it. This was going to be a good day, Jun just knew it. The weather was nice. Kitagawa-san had almost asked directly when he would be able to start, even if nothing was official yet. Sho would visit for dinner tonight. Life was sweet.
When he heard an all too familiar voice: “Jun-kun?”
Jun stopped dead in his tracks at the surprised and also a bit sheepish tone, then whirled around to find the very man who had been occupying his thoughts just across from him. Suddenly, his heart was racing. It was Sho. Sho, whom he hadn’t thought he would see before tonight. Sho, who was the one person he could just hug right now. Sho, who looked sharp in his expensive dark pin-stripe suit and deep red tie. Jun just stood there for a long moment as he watched his student - and, more importantly, his lover - walk towards him.
“You look good in a suit,” the other man smiled amicably while his eyes were telling a very different story.
Jun’s suit was off the rack, even if he liked its cut and colour. Seeing Sho’s clothes up close like this, it wasn’t even worth mentioning, he found. “So do you,” he managed. “What are you doing here?”
“I have a meeting with the manager in… uh, thirty minutes. I’m a bit early but I have an appointment this afternoon that I really don’t wanna miss. What about you?”
God, he really loved Sho’s smiles, especially the one in the other man’s eyes. It made his stomach all fuzzy and his knees go weak, but definitely in a good way. He was even willing to forget that it was a bit suspicious that Sho had almost killed them in the kitchen - several times - and suddenly was able to make decent pasta and tasty mussels. Suspicious, but who was he to complain.
“I had an interview and…” He leaned forward to add in a whisper screaming confidentiality, “...and I think it went pretty well. We might celebrate tonight.”
“So it WAS you,” Sho blurted.
It wasn’t what Jun had expected and only puzzled him. “Sorry, what was me? I...”
But Sho was already continuing with some sort of context. “When Kitagawa-san said he had found someone promising for the sous-chef position, I immediately thought of you...”
“You WHAT? Why would you...?” A chilling realization dawned on him. “How do you know Kitagawa-san?”
“My family owns the hotel.”
“Your family what?” Jun knew that he most likely looked like a complete idiot, eyes wide open in surprise and jaw dropped. How could Sho’s family own the Rainbow Imperial when it was part of the...
Oh. OH! That was the moment it finally hit him, the moment he realized why Sho’s name had sounded familiar although he had been unable to quite place it. Rather, why SAKURAI had rung a bell or two.
The Sakurai family owned a variety of luxury hotels all over Japan, had their fingers in the food industry and also invested in adult education (under the name of Rainbow Corporation). Among other things, they also owned the school Jun worked at. Yes, Jun had done his homework when he had prepared for today’s interview.
Fuck. FUCK. But that meant...
“My family owns the Rainbow Imperial Hotel,” Sho confirmed again. He had probably noticed the shock in Jun’s eyes. “As well as the Arashi Culinary Academy. But...”
“No buts,” Jun interrupted, fighting hard to at least outwardly stay calm and collected, bowing deeply. “I don’t think I need to hear any excuses or explanations. I hope I passed your evaluation and I will apologize to Kitagawa-san that I withdraw my application.”
Before he would do or say something wrong in front of his boss, he turned and left. He had to - he felt like crying and yelling at the same time.
At least, some things did make sense now: Why Sho had managed to cook decent food after almost burning down the kitchen only days before; he had probably tested Jun for the company. Why Jun had actually been invited to a job interview at this top-notch hotel; Sho had suggested him. Why they hadn’t been caught and he hadn’t been fired after getting down and dirty at school; Sho was his boss, so he could hardly incriminate himself.
It all made perfect sense now. And it hurt.
He walked as fast as he could without running, trying to leave the hotel and all it stood for behind as soon as possible and prayed for Sho-Sakurai not to follow him. He probably needed to find a new job now, but this time he’d make sure to check out all the CIOs, CEOs and whatnot first - plus their pictures, just to be on the safe side.
~*~
Shun hadn’t been home. Of course not, Jun had asked his friend to give him some privacy for the evening (and night) and he had agreed. Fuck, they shouldn’t have had that conversation about the apartment a few days earlier. And of course, he wasn’t answering his phone - probably banging a chick and her friend and her sister somewhere.
Great, just great.
So here he was, standing in the kitchen, all by himself with all the ingredients for a delicious (show-off) dinner for two. And now what? He could hardly throw it away, not even to make a point. If there was one thing Jun hated, it was wasting food - or unknowingly fucking his boss and ruining his life, but that was a whole different story.
So he settled for cooking. Not for Sh-Sakurai but to keep his mind off him. And then he would throw a pity party all for himself.
He showered and changed into his PJs first, got rid of his contacts and wore his glasses instead, even put in his braces and hair band. If he was to wallow in self-pity he could go the whole nine yards, right? After all, he didn’t have anyone to dress up for.
Getting back to the kitchen, feeling a little more comfortable and ready to face this evening all alone, Jun decided to put a bottle of martini in the freezer to get his one-man party started. He didn’t need to waste the good wine he had bought for their dinner, and martini would give him a faster buzz anyway. That was what he needed right now.
Also, he needed to chase off the silence that was hanging over the apartment. Otherwise he would just think too much. Jun knew he had a tendency to overthink, to lose himself in his thoughts, and he couldn’t let that happen before dinner was done. So he turned on the stereo in his room, cranking up the volume so he would be able to hear it in the kitchen.
Dolce… he would start with the dolce because break-up heartache rule number one said you had to have alcohol and sweets ready. He wasn’t the ice cream type of guy, but he sure knew how to appreciate a homemade mousse au chocolat. Death by chocolate - he was so in for it tonight.
Jun was just about to start when he heard the doorbell ring. Great, Shun should tape the keys to his body; this was the millionth time he couldn’t find them because he was wasted.
“Coming!” Jun set the chocolate aside and went to open the front door, turning off the music on the way, a sharp remark about holding one’s liquor ready on the tip of his tongue…
…just to find Sho standing in front of his apartment when he opened the door. Fuck!
“…” Anything Jun might have wanted to say to his roommate withered and died, unspoken and instantly.
Instead, instinct took over, self-preservation, and he quickly shut the door again. Of all the people to see Jun like this, it had to be Sho. When Jun was at his most vulnerable, without any kind of styling or even decent clothes. Part of him wanted to run to his room and get changed. Part of him just wanted to die there and then. Why was the guy even here?
There was another ring of the doorbell, and a little muffled but audible through the door, he could hear Sho’s voice. “I’m not gonna leave, if that’s what you’re thinking. I think we need to talk. Now.”
“Why would I wanna talk to you?” Jun hated himself for the slight sniffling that was audible in his voice.
“’Cause the neighbours are already looking to see what the commotion’s all about.”
Fuck. He didn’t want the neighbours to look - as much as he wanted to project that image of aloofness, he very much cared what other people thought of him. With a sigh, Jun opened the door and let Sho in. Of course, the other man was still wearing his smart clothes, looking gorgeous as ever while Jun was still stuck in his pyjamas.
“Thanks...” Sho didn’t waste any time but already slipped out of his shoes. “You had me worried for a moment... Now, I think we need to talk.”
Jun scowled at that. “I know we need to talk.” Even if he didn’t really want to. He took a deep breath, avoiding Sho’s gaze as best he could. He still felt uncomfortable being seen like that by the guy he had crushed so hard on, of all people. “I’ll just quickly get changed. You wanna wait in the living room?”
“Oh no,” Sho’s voice was neither loud nor particularly hostile, but there was a sense of seriousness and most of all order in it that made Jun hesitate and not protest. “I won’t let you leave now that I have you here. So either you sit down in the living room with me or I’m coming with you.”
“But…” The words withered on Jun’s tongue when his eyes met Sho’s. The gravity and control in them spoke a clear enough language.
“No buts, I want this sorted out and I take it so do you.”
It was clear that Sho wouldn’t take no for an answer so Jun gave in. In a way, he was right and the sooner they talked, the sooner he would know if he would have to nurse a heartache and look for a new job.
So he led him to the living room. He had pictured the first time with Sho in his apartment a little different, but at least it was tidy and clean. Probably smaller than Sho’s place but... that didn’t matter now.
“Would you like a drink?” Jun asked, suddenly remembering his duties as a host. Maybe he was just playing for time, but then Sho shook his head.
“No, thank you. But you can start with your explanation any time now...”
Jun lowered his gaze and took a deep breath, letting it out in a drawn-out sigh. “That’s hard, you know. I… When you confirmed that you’re ultimately my boss, I guess I just freaked. Why didn’t you tell me before? I mean, yes, I can read very well, but I just didn’t make that connection. There’s so many people out there by the name of Sakurai, so… Anyway, when you told me, you pretty much also confirmed that I got that job interview because of you and maybe all of what happened, why you’re in my class, it was all just a test. An evaluation.” Over the course of his words, he had raised his head again, meeting Sho’s gaze and challenging him to confirm his greatest fears. Jun vowed he wouldn’t go down without a fight.
“You actually think that?” Sho’s voice sounded more hurt than angry, when he flopped down on the couch.
Even though Jun started pacing because he was nervous and moving around had always helped him think, he could just feel the other man’s gaze always on him. “I don’t know what to think anymore. I’ve tried to make sense of everything that’s happened since I first met you, but I just don’t know you. And that realization was what really hurt.”
“Jun, I really thought you knew, I wasn’t trying to lead you on. I rarely run around telling people, oh, by the way, my family owns the company you’re working for. Also, it didn’t matter, at least not to me. It’s not like we’re working together or someone is taking advantage of the other. But I do get your point why it might be... not an ideal situation.”
Sho uncrossed his arms and Jun could tell that he was telling the truth - still, it WAS weird blowing your boss and he wished he had known in advance.
“What I don’t get is why you thought I was testing you. Or why you were hurt or felt like not knowing me. Jun, we’ve met less than four weeks ago, so naturally there are things you don’t know about me. But you should know me well enough to know that I’m not a malicious guy making fun of other people’s lives just to pass the time. You’ll have to trust me on that one.”
Subconsciously, Jun crossed his arms over his chest as he was facing Sho. “Funnily enough, I do trust you,” he said with a sad smile. “And of course I can’t know you all that well yet, but I thought I knew something about you. When I realized I know even less about you than I thought, I started questioning everything. How would I know what makes the top 10.000 tick? I thought there had to be a reason you were in my class other than Ninomiya-san finding it funny. That maybe you were evaluating me to get me that interview. For which I’ll of course withdraw my application, because I don’t wanna be indebted to you. I need to make it on my own.”
Irritation was more than visible on Sho’s handsome face. “You did. I’d never fix a job for you. Or evaluate you. I was in your class because it was probably the most convenient way. But you know what? I was pretty close to saying something to Kitagawa-san after I met you in the lobby. That was extremely embarrassing.”
“You didn’t...?” Jun stammered a little confused. And he had been so sure.
“No, I didn’t. Firstly, you don’t need my help and I’m pretty sure you know that when you’re not creating problems where there are none. Secondly, I think you wouldn’t appreciate my interference and, thirdly, I do believe you have to work for the things you want - otherwise you can’t enjoy them the way you should. The same way I believe in talking before assuming and accusing - although I won’t deny I’ve had my struggles with temper in the past. You do know you still owe me an apology - but I just want to hear it if you mean it.”
Jun had to swallow hard. He couldn’t give that apology. At least not say it. Not yet. This whole… day had not been what he had hoped it to be. Both of them had been looking forward to tonight, he knew. Now that it was here, though, and after everything that had happened, it was a mess. They weren’t fighting, not with voices raised and tempers out of control, at least… But it was far from what he had imagined it to be when they had set the dinner date.
“Would you still be okay with me making dinner?” he asked instead. He wanted to do… something… right first. “’Cause I agree with you, one has to work for the things one wants.” And this was a kind of work Jun knew exactly how to do.
Jun was half convinced that Sho would go and he had seen the last of him when he didn’t answer right away. Sweat was building on his forehead and he didn’t even realize that he was holding his breath, until Sho finally nodded. “Okay...”
It didn’t sound fully convinced but Jun was happy to take what he could get. He knew he was standing in his own way, knew that this was something worth fighting for - but sorry sometimes seemed to be the hardest word.
to be continued in part 6