♋ ACT II > BE THE JERK

[kinda_crabby]

[> Karkat spent the last few days being a very productive Troll. By which I mean, Karkat has spent the week bouncing between UNIMAGINABLY FURIOUS, RIDICULOUSLY SAD, and just generally REALLY MISERABLE. He is only now finally deciding to actually use this "phone" whatsits and reach out to all these humans.Alright, first of all, I am going to take a

Comments

[letunityblossom]

Ah, if you tell me what you're used to doing in your--ah, regular body--I can tell you things you shouldn't do.

[kinda_crabby]

I swear that if any of these warnings involve dangling bits or eating things with my mouth, I am going to strangle myself with this phone cord.

[letunityblossom]

I-I'm sure those are all too obvious to mention? But there might be differences in strength or things poisonous to a human that aren't to you...

[kinda_crabby]

It feels like I'm going to snap this thing! What the Hell do you humans do to get such shitty bodies? Prance around in your Earth meadows like some girl? Good Gog, John and the others never looked as useless as I feel right now, this is ridiculous. Seriously.

Okay, whatever. This is stupid. I can go outside in the sun, which is pretty amazing.

[letunityblossom]

A human body isn't quite as fragile as it looks, but... It's mostly intelligence and endurance based, I believe, unless you train it to do something else.

[kinda_crabby]

Intelligence and endurance? Debatable, but I doubt I'll get a better answer. At least I'm not stuck in the body of an imp. That would have been stupid.

So. I guess it could be worse.

[letunityblossom]

There are definitely worse things to be. I'd say the best way to learn is experiment. Anything in the refrigerator should be fine for you to eat, except the milk that gets delivered is poisonous.

[kinda_crabby]

The last thing I was going to do was drink human milk anyway.

[letunityblossom]

W-well, it's cow milk, but... [ew trying to imagine some sort of human milking farm ew]