2021
So once in a year I visit my LJ. This is always a great time to check on old entries, think about the past, appreciate all the memories and give the current browser a menthal breakdown on someone's sidebar (not this time though, because "this image is no longer available").
Last night I couldn't sleep. Maybe because of the changes in my life, or maybe because of the hella lot of coke and children's champagne I've been drinking lately... Who knows. But I was thinking a lot. About how my life changed for example.
2020 was challenging for everybody. Also for me. My 2010-self would laugh at me and oh boy, she would enjoy the pandemic with you guys. Staying at home, hanging in front of the computer, having long-ass conversations at midnight. It would be perfect.
Well, to be honest, my 2020-self had also no problem with lockdowns and stuff. Yes, some bad shit happened... But I also took some huge steps I'm proud of. And tried to get the best out of this year.
+)I could visit my brother in New York for the first time
+)I could get my first tattoo
+)I could spend time with some of you
+)I managed to actually be able to see a happy future
+)Bought a house
Ten years ago I didn't even dare to dream about having a life like this. Not even five years ago. Thanks to Faszbuk, I see my old school-friends getting their fourth child and third divorce and then here I am. Teaching in a school, no kids, no house, not even a first divorce... To be honest, I always thought that I will die alone or just live in an unhappy marriage. I didn't have big plans, didn't have big expectations... The plan was to live at least an average life. Maybe having kids and having a tolerable husband I clearly don't love, but also don't hate.
When I write these things down it seems a bit depressed and desperate. But that was me. That was how I saw myself and my future. And yes, these thoughts made me unhappy as hell.
Now, in the beginning of 2021 it seems everything so different. I'm in a happy and healthy relationship with a beautiful and amazing creature who accepts me as I am AND LOVES who I am. I only brag about this here, because it is so special and unique I don't wanna fuck up with FB... I'm not even sure you are still here to read... If not, it's a self-note then.
So yesterday this beautiful creature and I came back from the house we've bought. Together. Yes. It is so unbelievable, I still can't get over on it. After years of sadness and hopelessness my life is heading to something miraculous. We have a lot of work ahead, but I love this life I have now. I love this new direction I'm heading to. I love what we accomplished in 2020. It makes me happy and secure. It makes me feel happiness I've never felt in a long time. Last time maybe with all of you. ^^""" I loved all of you so much that a piece of me died when we stopped having conversations on a daily basis. Sounds cheesy, I know...
Anyway. I'm in a good place now in my life.
Just wanted to share this with anyone who is still there.
I run out of battery.
Take care! Love you~
Last night I couldn't sleep. Maybe because of the changes in my life, or maybe because of the hella lot of coke and children's champagne I've been drinking lately... Who knows. But I was thinking a lot. About how my life changed for example.
2020 was challenging for everybody. Also for me. My 2010-self would laugh at me and oh boy, she would enjoy the pandemic with you guys. Staying at home, hanging in front of the computer, having long-ass conversations at midnight. It would be perfect.
Well, to be honest, my 2020-self had also no problem with lockdowns and stuff. Yes, some bad shit happened... But I also took some huge steps I'm proud of. And tried to get the best out of this year.
+)I could visit my brother in New York for the first time
+)I could get my first tattoo
+)I could spend time with some of you
+)I managed to actually be able to see a happy future
+)Bought a house
Ten years ago I didn't even dare to dream about having a life like this. Not even five years ago. Thanks to Faszbuk, I see my old school-friends getting their fourth child and third divorce and then here I am. Teaching in a school, no kids, no house, not even a first divorce... To be honest, I always thought that I will die alone or just live in an unhappy marriage. I didn't have big plans, didn't have big expectations... The plan was to live at least an average life. Maybe having kids and having a tolerable husband I clearly don't love, but also don't hate.
When I write these things down it seems a bit depressed and desperate. But that was me. That was how I saw myself and my future. And yes, these thoughts made me unhappy as hell.
Now, in the beginning of 2021 it seems everything so different. I'm in a happy and healthy relationship with a beautiful and amazing creature who accepts me as I am AND LOVES who I am. I only brag about this here, because it is so special and unique I don't wanna fuck up with FB... I'm not even sure you are still here to read... If not, it's a self-note then.
So yesterday this beautiful creature and I came back from the house we've bought. Together. Yes. It is so unbelievable, I still can't get over on it. After years of sadness and hopelessness my life is heading to something miraculous. We have a lot of work ahead, but I love this life I have now. I love this new direction I'm heading to. I love what we accomplished in 2020. It makes me happy and secure. It makes me feel happiness I've never felt in a long time. Last time maybe with all of you. ^^""" I loved all of you so much that a piece of me died when we stopped having conversations on a daily basis. Sounds cheesy, I know...
Anyway. I'm in a good place now in my life.
Just wanted to share this with anyone who is still there.
I run out of battery.
Take care! Love you~