(no subject)
I wish that things were different between my mom and myself,
because when i was younger she was one out of the two people in the world that I held
this huge grudge against, and though i've still got one for the other person, the one i held against her
has faded massively. I guess there are some things that happen that take forever to mend, and I won't lie,
I don't really think I'll ever really forget about things, but I really do believe that people have the potential to change.
The only reason we even talk to each other is becaues of our common hate for one other person.
That really is the one thing we have in common, I think.
I really wish there wasn't this barrier between us because it's really hard to talk to her
or to get to know her when we can't even really speak the same language.
I have to admit, for the first time in my entire life,
I really wish I could have sat down next to my mom and just say, "hey mom, what are you doing?"
I thought it was so cool to open the door just to find my mom reading tarot cards on her bed.
When I sat next to her, I really tried for a good few minutes to ask her where she got her tarot cards and what
mine would mean and tried telling her i thought it was really cool,
but all she could really understand was that she thought i liked the way the cards looked.
She couldn't really get the idea that I was trying to say, "hey mom, that's beast girl!" or well "that's cool!"
I feel bad, because i think she thought i was mocking her, and I wasn't.
It's just a drag because sometimes i wish i could have someone to have small talk with,
and i think she does too, but it's just because of things in the past that have screwed us over.
I've never been close to any of my parents, but i wish i was closer to her.
how cool, my mom reads tarot cards. I never knew that. I don't really know anything about her.
I want to though, i really do.
sometimes i get the feeling that people i have absolute no interest in
take things the wrong way and think that i have some sort of feelings for them.
i know that i flirt a lot, but it's not really exactly how i see it.
I honestly see it as me hanging out with
my friends and if i happen to laugh at their jokes, i'll laugh because i find them to be funny,
and if i'm nice to them, ill do so because i care about them,
if i agree to hang out with them, i will because that's what friends do and i want to get to know them better,
and i get that can be interpreted as flirting, i really do
but i'm not really aware of it and it just bothers me when
people i think are really cool, as in they're hilarious and so much fun to be around,
when those people think my smiling self is somewhat secretly adoring them.
Trust me, I don't really have feelings for people so indepthly in that way, I really don't,
I just flirt a lot and think boys are cute and make jokes with my girl friends,
but that's what it is, it's just a fucking joke.
you know?
bright eyes sunday!
hollah hollah, oh you know!
i miss hanging out with him because of those few rare times when he'll do
or say something that reminds me of why we were friends in the first place.
He's gorgeous, and he knows it. What a shame.
He'll take that, add onto it the idea of how amazing and "studious" he is, and then at the end of the day
he's brain washed himself to believe that he's actually better than others.
I love confidence, that's rad when people believe in themselves, but it hurts sometimes to hear
all the things he has to say.
it still bothers me that he called him a "loser".
how ironic.