(no subject)
Will not clutter so I'll put them under "read more". Don't think anyone will read but it's ok.
So, I'm feeling down for the past few days. I don't know who to rant it out to but I don't want to rant it out to anyone either. I'm feeling confused, frustrated, depressed. Idk how to describe these feelings.
How do I begin? I always find the source of my unhappiness. I know why I'm unhappy but I find it hard to fix it which frustrates me even more. You see, being jobless is hard. I'm living off whatever savings I have from my previous job, in this case, I worked in retail. I graduated in Design and obviously, my dad wants me to work in a related field. He wasn't too fond when I told him I got a job working at a Toy store. I'm no longer working in retail instead working as a freelancer for this "long" project (if I could call it such).
The thing about me is, I am no good at doing anything else besides art but I'm not good or bad at it either. I'm average. Here comes the problem. I am starting to hate doing at what I do best. I'm starting to hate the thought of having to draw. It's becoming a chore. Whenever I see my friends improve, I begin to hate myself for being so lazy. I am lazy, I admit. The only way to get better is to practice but how can I practice when I already lost my motivation on the only thing I'm good at?
One way to fix this "problem" is to get a job in design but it's hard. I always feel I'm not good enough. Never good enough which is preventing me from getting a job and this is what stresses me. It's like, I know the cause of my problem, I know the solution to the problem but I don't know how to take action against it.
People also told me "You need to find a new hobby". But I'm at this point where I lose interest in everything. I woke up today thinking "There's nothing to look forward to so why wake up?". Even if I tell others, they won't understand. I'm not the kind to be honest with my feelings so I will not tell them directly. I won't blame them for expecting them to know what's going on with me.
I'm so frustrated for feeling like this. Feeling so hopeless...
If I have a choice to not wake up today, I will want to sleep for months...
So, I'm feeling down for the past few days. I don't know who to rant it out to but I don't want to rant it out to anyone either. I'm feeling confused, frustrated, depressed. Idk how to describe these feelings.
How do I begin? I always find the source of my unhappiness. I know why I'm unhappy but I find it hard to fix it which frustrates me even more. You see, being jobless is hard. I'm living off whatever savings I have from my previous job, in this case, I worked in retail. I graduated in Design and obviously, my dad wants me to work in a related field. He wasn't too fond when I told him I got a job working at a Toy store. I'm no longer working in retail instead working as a freelancer for this "long" project (if I could call it such).
The thing about me is, I am no good at doing anything else besides art but I'm not good or bad at it either. I'm average. Here comes the problem. I am starting to hate doing at what I do best. I'm starting to hate the thought of having to draw. It's becoming a chore. Whenever I see my friends improve, I begin to hate myself for being so lazy. I am lazy, I admit. The only way to get better is to practice but how can I practice when I already lost my motivation on the only thing I'm good at?
One way to fix this "problem" is to get a job in design but it's hard. I always feel I'm not good enough. Never good enough which is preventing me from getting a job and this is what stresses me. It's like, I know the cause of my problem, I know the solution to the problem but I don't know how to take action against it.
People also told me "You need to find a new hobby". But I'm at this point where I lose interest in everything. I woke up today thinking "There's nothing to look forward to so why wake up?". Even if I tell others, they won't understand. I'm not the kind to be honest with my feelings so I will not tell them directly. I won't blame them for expecting them to know what's going on with me.
I'm so frustrated for feeling like this. Feeling so hopeless...
If I have a choice to not wake up today, I will want to sleep for months...