Lost
I realise that i have been in the office too early for the past 2 weeks. So end up i am starring at the com one more hour then the rest and it hurts my eyes. Next week will be my last week of ITP! Hooray! But school reopens right after ITP. SO, Ms A.T, i gonna hate you cos you only give us 2 days break - Saturday and Sunday before school starts. Where is my Break and HOLS??!! Ms A.T!!! Return my 2 months hols to me!!! (>_~)
Yesterday was talking to MY during lunch. She told me that we must enjoy life. Don't think too much - Enjoy what you have and experience new things. Because we only live once. I hope i can be as carefree as her. RIGHT MY?? hehehe. She actually make me realise that i have put too much stress on myself. But is kind of unaware. I dun feel the stress and i only realise that i did have stress when i start to have illusions like -someone is trying to kill me if i did this etc. Sounds scary huh?
ON the day when dearie got her A level results, i was at home, crying. Why? i realise that my life was nothing - empty. No goals, no dreams. Even i have one, it is kind of not realisitic. My friends are getting to good university, and i am getting nowhere. I cried really hard and thinking what i have been doing in the polytechnic for the past 2 years. Am i wasting my time? I always comfort myself by saying - I am not as smart as my friends, keep it at this level will do. I am doing well. But my results in poly will not get me anywhere. I am kind of lost and begin to wonder if i should quit school. Go do something that i really like and enjoy myself like MY said. In my whole life, I feel like whatever i do, i am trying to please someone but end up i am not pleasing them and i only make them pissed. Trying to be good in many areas, but end up making myself tired, feeling hopeless.
My health is not as good as before. Fainting was scary. It was like if my eyes are to close, i am afraid that i might not wake up again.
What should i do?
I am lost now, really lost now.
Yesterday was talking to MY during lunch. She told me that we must enjoy life. Don't think too much - Enjoy what you have and experience new things. Because we only live once. I hope i can be as carefree as her. RIGHT MY?? hehehe. She actually make me realise that i have put too much stress on myself. But is kind of unaware. I dun feel the stress and i only realise that i did have stress when i start to have illusions like -someone is trying to kill me if i did this etc. Sounds scary huh?
ON the day when dearie got her A level results, i was at home, crying. Why? i realise that my life was nothing - empty. No goals, no dreams. Even i have one, it is kind of not realisitic. My friends are getting to good university, and i am getting nowhere. I cried really hard and thinking what i have been doing in the polytechnic for the past 2 years. Am i wasting my time? I always comfort myself by saying - I am not as smart as my friends, keep it at this level will do. I am doing well. But my results in poly will not get me anywhere. I am kind of lost and begin to wonder if i should quit school. Go do something that i really like and enjoy myself like MY said. In my whole life, I feel like whatever i do, i am trying to please someone but end up i am not pleasing them and i only make them pissed. Trying to be good in many areas, but end up making myself tired, feeling hopeless.
My health is not as good as before. Fainting was scary. It was like if my eyes are to close, i am afraid that i might not wake up again.
What should i do?
I am lost now, really lost now.