The DBSK Result
"Soo-Jung-ah do you need a ride?" The sudden question surprised me and I looked up to see what his face looked like. He still had that serious face, and it reminded me of an anime character I knew of, Sesshoumaru, with his unfeeling stare and totally blank face. A bit unsettled, I declined.
"Anio Changmin, I only have to walk a little ways. I will be fine." I started to walk to my appointment and I heard him walk to the van and get in, starting the car. I shivered a bit and drew my coat closer, wondering if maybe I should have taken the small ride after all, when he pulled up right next to me with the window down and said, "Get in it's cold. I will tak you to your appointment, you can show me the way." I nodded, and jumped in the front seat next to him, making sure to keep my window up and my face turned away from him so he couldn't see the happy face I was making just by being so close to him and alone with him again. I pointed to the clinic and he stopped. Thanking him for the ride I got out and waved.
"Will you need a ride back too?" He leaned out of the drivers' side window while he spoke and I saw the light wind blowing his hair around, giving me such a strong urge to move his bangs from his eyes that I stuck my hands in my pockets and prayed that I would have the strength to not do it. "Anio Changmin....I will be alright. Thank you thought for this I am very grateful!" I smiled sincerely and turned to walk into the building. As I entered I thought I heard him say something and I turned to see him pull away into the street again, his window up.
"I will be here in an hour Sooie-ah..."
45 minutes later...
So I was right. I was pregnant. Walking to the nearest Wendy's I ordered some french fries and a frosty and walked back to the clinic wiht them, sitting just inside to see if what I heard was right. Dipping the french fries in the frosty I munched on them and was so busy enjoying the taste and being lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice him until he was standing right in front of me. He bent down and was level with me, looking into my eyes, before I came out of my haze and said hello.
"Mianhe Changmin....I was so totally lost in my thoughts that I didn't see you. Do you want some?" I offered my unique treat to him and he declined.
"Soo-Jung-ah, do you really like that?" He asked, and I nodded emphatically. "Yes I do....always have! Although lately I have really been wanting it more...." I trailed off, unwilling to hint to anything to do with the possibility of being pregnant. He smiled, the first time I had seen him do so in weeks, and I blushed and smiled back. He brought up his hand and with his thumb he wiped off some ice cream that had somehow gotten on my cheek. 'And how did THAT get there?' I wondered, embarrassed. He took my hand and I stood up, following him to the van.
"So Changmin....may I ask where you went?" He nodded. "I went to get some things for before we all leave next week." We were at the van and after we got in I noticed he didn't start the car.
"Are....you going to start the van? It's kinda cold out you know!" I shivered slightly and bent down slightly to fix my shoelace. When I sat back up I felt warmer and saw he had placed his jacket around me.
"T-Thank you Changmin. What about you? Aren't you cold?" He shook his head. "Ani I am fine...but I wanted to ask...." He stopped and I stared at him curiously. He began again. "Soo-Jung-ah is there something you need to tell me?" I felt the blood drain out of my face. 'How did he know? Do I tell him....?' "What do you mean by that Changmin?" He looked at me and I saw that his eyes were a bit wet. "Why have we been avoiding each other? Why don't we talk...or anything? Did I do something wrong Soo-Jung-ah?" I stared back at him, a bit taken aback. 'Where is this coming from? And all of a sudden too....he isn't crying because of me is he?' I answered shakily. "Ani Changmin...you didn't do anything wrong. In fact I thought I did something wrong. I don't know why we have been this way but we have...and I am not the only one doing it." He nodded. "I know and I am sorry I just....I got nervous after I woke up that day with you. I was afriad of a lot of things and had many thoughts in my mind, and by the time I was able to get up enough nerve to talk to you we had begun avoiding each other." I touched his arm.
"Changmin....why do you give me those looks? You know the ones, like earlier? You look like you are studying me, trying to figure out what I am." He put his head down. "I don't know how to explain it really..." Then his cell phone rang and I noticed it was the Wonder Girls song Nobody and smiled, thinking, 'Isn't that cute? Ah you are such a sweet guy.....' He answered and spoke fast, too fast for me to keep up with my poor Korean skills. After he hing up he started the car and we drove in awkward silence again. When we got to the house I got started to get out but he told me to stay where I was, instead grabbing two bags from the backseat that I hadn't even noticed and coming around to my side to help me out so I wouldn't slip. I got into the house and started brushing the light snow off of my scarf and my hair, as it had been snowing when we got out of the car and I was covered in it. I stopped when I noticed him staring at me, this time with an 'o' expression. I smiled. "Is something the matter Changmin? Why are you staring at me like that?" He shook himself and removed his gloves, scarf, hat, and shoes, apologizing softly then leaving with his bags to his room. I finished brushing myself off and removing my outer-wear and shoes, then padded around looking for Bo. I found her in a hallway and she seemed to be talking to the wall until I got closer and saw that Junsu was around the corner. I tried to hide myself as best as I could and tiptoe away. I heard Bo speak, her voice quivering, and I stopped, listening, concerned that something was wrong with her.
"Junsu-ah...I...I think I really...um..." She trailed off and I realized I shouldn't be there listening. I knew what she was doing and as I made my escape I heard her speak before I couldn't hear anymore. " I really like you Junsu-ah. Please accept my feelings?"
I walked around the house, bored, and I saw Jaejoong and Yunho talking and made my way over to them.
"Anyeong oppas! What's up? What are you doing?"I asked, curious about why they had stopped talking when I came up to them. They gave me a silly grin and pulled me to another room that we didn't use, closing the door behind us and sitting me down on the bed.
"Soo-Jung-ah....after you left Junsu told us something strange and we wanted to ask you about it." I tilted my head to the side. "OK go ahead. What is it?" They gave each other a look then sat down on each side of me. "Soo-Jung-ah....Junsu dropped his ring in the little trash basket in the bathroom rhis morning and when he went to get it he found a pregnancy test. Are you pregnant?" I closed my eyes. 'Dammit Junsu....I didn't realize I should hide the test too....I didn't think anyone would look in the trash....NOW what do I say?' I took a deep breath and answered.
"I want to know something too, from the two of you, first before I answer that question. Please don't be offended but...well are you two....you two seem to be very close friends and I was wondering...if you two had feelings for each other." I looked up from under my eyelashes at first Yunho then Jaejoong and was able to catch their reactions and the look they shared. Jaejoong blushed and put his head down and Yunho looked away, and I knew it then. I stood up and faced them.
"I knew it. Why don't you two go out? You so obviously like each other...and don't worry about what me and Bo think cause we are very open and in the US no one will make fun of you or anything." Yunho shook his head. "I don't know what you are taking about, Soo-Jung-ah. Please don't ask such stupid questions in the future. Of COURSE I don't have those kinds of feelings for Joongie-ah, that's preposterous." I saw Jaejoong flinch at those words, but he kept his head down and his hands clenched together. Determined to get Yunho to admit the truth, I stared him down defiantly.
"Yes. I am pregnant. There, see? I told you something personal about me. Do you trust me now? I KNOW you like him, Yunho oppa, maybe even love him. You shouldn't be so prideful. I can see he likes you too, and you are hurting him by denying your ovbious feelings." Yunho stood up, hands tightened into fists. "I do NOT love Jaejoong like that and that is sick to say. Please, never mention this conversation again. I am going to forget this ever happened and not stay angry. ARASO?" I nodded my head and he left, and I heard sniffling. I bent down to take a look at Jaejoong and saw he was crying, holding his mouth so no sound came out.
"I am so sorry Jaejoong oppa. I didn't mean for that to happen...I just was trying to help, to make you two happy! Don't cry..." I brought my hand up to wipe his tears away but he knocked it away and stared at me angrily. "How dare you...Yunho-ah will probably not speak to me for a long time now because of you! Why did you need to tell him how I felt? Why did you feel the need to help me? To make it worse? Just stay away from me, from us!" He got up and left, slamming the door, and I fell to my knees.
'Why did you feel the need to help me? Why did you need to tell him how I felt? Stay away from us!' I stifled my tears, and got up to walk to my own room so no one caught me, and stumbled past Yunho and Jaejoong talking to each other rapidly, hitting the wall and falling down. I stood up and heard them ask if I was alright but I just kept walking, thinking about if Changmin maybe felt the same way, if he wanted me to leave him alone. Now that Yunho and Jaejoong hated me they would feel free to tell Changmin I was pregnant and then he would know it was his. I didn't want Yunho and Jaejoong to hate me, didn't want Changmin to feel like I should just go away. I fell again, this time landing on my shoulder and I felt something give way before I felt fiery pain. I sat up and let the tears fall, bringing my hands up to my face like a little kid. I fet hands on my shoulder and flinched from pain and surprise to see Yoochun sitting there talking to me. I couldn't hear him, couldn't hear anything over Jaejoong's words, still wondering if those feelings mirrored Changmin's own. I noticed Jaejoong and Yunho was crouching next to me too and I pulled away from them and stood up, trying to walk away and go to my room, still intent on locking myself in there. I saw Bo and Junsu coming toward me and I started to run the other way, glad there was more than one way to go in the house to get to my room. I bumped into the person I wanted to see the most and yet the least, and he grabbed my shouders to steady me.I pulled away from Changmin too, out of pain, and grabbed my shoulder, but I didn't move away from him. Still crying I looked up at him to see he was speaking too. 'Why can't I hear him? Oh...what is that....' I heard Jaejoong's voice coming out of Changmin.
"Just stay away from me.....away from me....why did you feel the need to help me?.....You made it worse.... Don't come near me Sooie-ah I hate you.....' Jaejoong's words and his voice had changed into Changmin's and I started to shake from the pain. It was then, as I looked up at him and heard everyone around me, as I shook, that I fainted.
I woke up a little later in my bed, noticing Changmin sleeping draped over my bed but sitting in a chair. I heard the door open and saw Yoochun walk in with some water and something wrapped up. Carefull so as not to wake the sleeping man next to me, Yoochun helped me to sit up and gave me the water with some medicine to help with the pain. "It seems you dislocated your shoulder. You are alright but it will be sore for a few days. I have a sandwich here for you too, you need to eat. Both for you and..." He pointed to his own stomach but I knew what he meant.
"You know too? Does everyone know?" He shook his head. "I don't think our little Changmin here knows. But I think what I know and everyone else doesn't is that Changmin is the father. Isn't he?" I nodded and looked at the sleeping face of my personal angel. "Yes....but I can't ruin his life, his career, by telling him." I explained about my medical condition and how the doctor today said she was surprised I was able to get pregnant as I had no more eggs left. "She said that she thought that the baby was probably one of the last few and that I was very lucky. Changmin only wanted to help." Then I explained my feelings about Changmin and what I thought about him, and how I figured he regretted everything. Yoochun chuckled then and I scowled at him. "What is so funny? I don't find this amusing at all." He stopped and looked at me, still smiling. "You are right it isn't amusing but....I think you have it all wrong. And anyway if he knew what he was doing then it should be fine to tell him I am sure he will be happy." He stopped talking because I had started shaking my head no.
"Anio Yoochun oppa....he wouldn't be happy. He would be embarrassed, and besides if I told him then I would end up telling him my feelings for him and that I want to be with him and that just would never happen. Why would he want someone like me? Why would he be with someone, have a baby with someone, he didn't love? He doesn't even like me! We are barely friends and I think that is just as much my faut as it is his but....I know that I am lcuky enough in just being able to have a child. I don't want to be greedy." I looked down and started to eat my sandwich, trying not to cry. " I think you will see what is really going on when we have our little good-bye party, Soo-Jung-ah....and I hope that you will do not only what is right but....what I think everyone would love." I looked at him, confused, but he just stood up and smiled. "You will see what I mean. There are a few people who would like to see you. Is that alright?" I nodded, figuring Bo would have to come see me eventually, and wondering who else would want to see me. But instead of Bo it was Jaejoong and Yunho who walked in after Yoochun left. They woke up Changmin and asked if he might please leave for a moment so they could talk to me alone and he agreed sleepily. 'He is so adorable all sleepy like that....I don't think he even knows what is going on right now. AISH what do they want, to yell at me more? I know I messed up....' I started apologizing as soon as they had sat down not giving them time to say anything.
" I am so sorry and you are right I should mind my own business. Please forgive me!" But instead of the anger I expected or the coldness, they laughed. "Soo-Jung-ah, do you not see?" I looked up at them and saw exactly what they were talking about. Yunho had an arm around Jaejoong and Jaejoong had a hand on Yunho's thigh and they were sitting very close together.
"Soo-Jung-ah we aren't mad. We wanted to thank you for forcing us to confront what we felt. I am so sorry if I hurt your feelings." Yunho said and Jaejoong added, "Yes and I am very sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it, please don't stay away from me, from us. We like you, you are like our little sister! And...." And they gave each other a look. "We know that you are pregnant and we think we know who the father is since you dont' have a boyfriend. I just wanna say please be good to our little Changmin ok?" I shook my head. "I can't. We aren't together. And besides he would never want me, he doesn't even like me like that. He....was just trying to help me." And once again I explained the whole situation, skipping out on a bunch of things like what he said to me that night and his weird behavior earlier today. They just nodded and listened and smiled exchanging some looks. Then after I was done they both stood up and, with their arms wrapped around each other, told me that Bo and Junsu wanted to visit me too and that they were going to go and that they couldn't wait for the good-bye party and some big surprise I didn't know about. I just shook my head, wondering what everyone was talking about and why they were all so excited to be leaving here. I noticed Changmin come back in and sit down in the chair again, more awake now, but he didn't say anything as Junsu and Bo came in. Bo practically attacked me with a wild hug.
"Unnie I am so glad you are ok! AISH why do you make me worry so much?" I laughed and apologized and she just looked at me. "Yeah well....you can't get up yet. It seems you have a very high fever and even though your shoulder has been relocated it will still be sore." Junsu smiled at her and I saw something there that made me jealous. 'I guess that means he accepted her feelings....why is everyone getting together but me? AISH!' Trying to pretend like nothing was wrong I smiled and continued to eat my sandwich, trying to also ignore the feeling of being watched. I knew Changmin must be the one watching me and I was fighting the urge to squirm. Bo spoke in English.
"Hey. I told Junsu-ah how I felt unnie. He accepted my feelings! Can you believe it? I am so happy! And now you are having a baby and Yunho and Jaejoong finally did something about their feelings! Now all we need is to get you and Changmin together!" Her smiled died when I shook my head. I spoke in Korean not English, because I knew what I was saying wouldn't be understood anyway.
"Anio that isn't possible. It just won't.....can't happen no matter how much I want it to. Congratulations to you Junsu oppa, you caught a great girl! Be good to her or else!" I smiled and he smiled back. "Of course I will Soo-Jung-ah! I could never treat her badly." I nodded. "I am glad she deserves only the best!" She laughed and hit me. "Unnie don't be so weird! Stop it! Get some rest ok? No stress for you..." She stopped and looked at Changmin then back at me and spoke in English, "or for your baby." I nodded and she smiled, standing up and giving me a hug then walking out with Junsu hand in hand. 'How sweet...I am glad that she is happy....that they are both happy....' My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of my name and I looked at Changmin.
"I think I need to rest some more...Mianhe I just hurt right now. I hope you don't mind....?" He shook his head and brought the chair closer to me. "As long as you don't mind me staying here with you." I blushed and slid my face under the blanket, shaking my head. "Ani I don't mind." I closed my eyes and went to sleep.
A few days later, the day before DBSK is to leave...
I sat down in the living room and in a matter of seconds I had the YunJae couple with me in the middle. Ever since a few days ago they had become more friendly with me than ever. They always wanted to spend time with me and I was grateful, it gave me a chance to relax and know that Changmin couldn't catch me alone and also I had a lot of fun. Junsu and Bo and Yoochun were always around too and we played a bunch of games and did a bunch of things together, and with Changmin. Today YunJae seemd very excited about something but I was getting sad.
"Why are you guys so happy? You are all leaving tomorrow and I will never get to see you again! I am sad....you guys are awesome friends and I don't want you to go. And what about Bo?" I had thought about that too and it seemed like she didn't notice the impending departure anymore than the others, except me and Changmin. I knew he was upset about it too but I had no idea why. I had figured that Bo was probably going to go with them when they left and that only made me sadder. 'Everyone is leaving...I won't have anyone.What am I going to do now?' I felt Yunho nudge me and Jaejoong throw his arm around me. "Soo-Jung-ah don't be sad! Everything will work out I am sure!" Yunho smiled and I smiled back, but I didn't believe it. I sat pouting until night time rolled around and we sent the boys out, leaving only me and Bo to set up for the party. This party WAS for them, you know. We were almost done when I asked Bo what she was going to do, if she was going to leave with them.
"Of course unnie, what did you think I was going to do?" She smiled and I felt saddened that she didn't feel the least bit sad too. Then there was knock on the door and Bo answered it while I stuck the last few decorations up. She called me over to tell me that Changmin wanted to talk to me. 'This is it....when he tells me he hates me and is glad to be rid of me...I can't escape this so I might as well get it over with...' I sighed and nodded, walking out the door and meeting Changmin in the hall. I saw we were alone and dreaded this even more. It looked like he was holding something behind his back. 'What is that he has? I wonder why he wants to talk to me with something behind his back. NO it couldn't be.....a gun? A knife? Hmmmm....' I let my imagination run wild until he said my name.