it always seems those little things they take the biggest part of me
{This is likely going to be long, drawn-out, and somewhat unneccessary but remember, you can always scroll.
I've contemplated giving Kim up in the past, and decided against it because she really has some potential. She was the first character I'd ever had, my first jump into the world of RPG. I really only picked her up because I wanted to take part in something that would let me get away from everyday life. However, since I'm about to go back to school and I plan on working my ass off this year, I think the smartest thing to do would be to give Kim up to someone new.
Another thing...I find myself hiding behind my now numerous characters -- not only with Kim in this community, but in the UJournal community as well. I know that Kim is a wonderful talent in real life, but I feel like I'm being unfair to anyone who wanted to play her who might be a bigger fan than I am, or even just someone who is like I started out to be..just a nobody who wants to become a somebody, just for a little while.
If you're reading this and you interact with me in the UJournal community, you have nothing to worry about there. I'm going to at least attempt to keep those characters up as long as I can, because I'm bigger fans of them than I am of Kim. I'm not saying I'll never put one of them up for adoption, chances are I'm going to end up with just one or two as the school year goes on.
Most of the people who made an effort to include me in this have either stopped trying or deleted, and I just don't have the time anymore to try to make her fit into this world. Frankly, I'm beginning to realize how many cliques and circles have formed, and comfort zones within them. Why should any of you care if your character is friends with mine or not? You're going to give them up pretty soon anyway. You know that's the truth. Either you'll grow out of it, or you'll get sick of it, or maybe, just maybe, one day you'll wake up and realize it's just proving your insecurities to you more and more every day. This game has no effect on the rest of our lives, besides using internet time and keeping us away from the real relationships that are everywhere around us all.
I want to be happy, I want to have friends, and I want my life back. I used to write, and now every time I start typing I find nothing but lies coming out, and I think that has something to do with sitting here all day, pretending that I'm something I'm not. My mother, honestly one of my best friends in the world, can't stand to talk to me anymore because all I ever want to do is the internet. There's so much more I could see, and experience. But the internet is my shield. I justify my time by saying the world is headed for technology, and I'm getting a jump start. I just happen to be losing everything I know is real in the process.
RPG is not the root of all evil. I really like it, and it's great. I just think it's better for me to not do it here anymore. I was pretty much addicted to the internet before I started this, and this is just prolonging it all. I found myself in my room RPing on UJournal while one of my best friends, who I hadn't seen in over a year, was alone in my living room watching a movie. I sat here and asked myself what the fuck I was doing, why I wasn't in there catching up and hanging out, trying to hold on to one of the only real friends I've known, one of the good ones. The ones who don't stab you, in the back or otherwise.
I've let this go too far, and used space here that would be better taken in my real journal. I hope you don't let your RPing do to you what it's done to me lately.
Believe it or not, I may want Kim back after all this shit I've said. So don't be suprised if I come back in a few weeks, or months, or whatever. Sixteen-year-olds can be fickle sometimes, learn that and remember it.
If you want to keep in touch with me or anything, which I doubt any of you do besides Laur, leave a comment and some kind of screen name, and I'll give you my stuff whenever I get the chance.]
I've contemplated giving Kim up in the past, and decided against it because she really has some potential. She was the first character I'd ever had, my first jump into the world of RPG. I really only picked her up because I wanted to take part in something that would let me get away from everyday life. However, since I'm about to go back to school and I plan on working my ass off this year, I think the smartest thing to do would be to give Kim up to someone new.
Another thing...I find myself hiding behind my now numerous characters -- not only with Kim in this community, but in the UJournal community as well. I know that Kim is a wonderful talent in real life, but I feel like I'm being unfair to anyone who wanted to play her who might be a bigger fan than I am, or even just someone who is like I started out to be..just a nobody who wants to become a somebody, just for a little while.
If you're reading this and you interact with me in the UJournal community, you have nothing to worry about there. I'm going to at least attempt to keep those characters up as long as I can, because I'm bigger fans of them than I am of Kim. I'm not saying I'll never put one of them up for adoption, chances are I'm going to end up with just one or two as the school year goes on.
Most of the people who made an effort to include me in this have either stopped trying or deleted, and I just don't have the time anymore to try to make her fit into this world. Frankly, I'm beginning to realize how many cliques and circles have formed, and comfort zones within them. Why should any of you care if your character is friends with mine or not? You're going to give them up pretty soon anyway. You know that's the truth. Either you'll grow out of it, or you'll get sick of it, or maybe, just maybe, one day you'll wake up and realize it's just proving your insecurities to you more and more every day. This game has no effect on the rest of our lives, besides using internet time and keeping us away from the real relationships that are everywhere around us all.
I want to be happy, I want to have friends, and I want my life back. I used to write, and now every time I start typing I find nothing but lies coming out, and I think that has something to do with sitting here all day, pretending that I'm something I'm not. My mother, honestly one of my best friends in the world, can't stand to talk to me anymore because all I ever want to do is the internet. There's so much more I could see, and experience. But the internet is my shield. I justify my time by saying the world is headed for technology, and I'm getting a jump start. I just happen to be losing everything I know is real in the process.
RPG is not the root of all evil. I really like it, and it's great. I just think it's better for me to not do it here anymore. I was pretty much addicted to the internet before I started this, and this is just prolonging it all. I found myself in my room RPing on UJournal while one of my best friends, who I hadn't seen in over a year, was alone in my living room watching a movie. I sat here and asked myself what the fuck I was doing, why I wasn't in there catching up and hanging out, trying to hold on to one of the only real friends I've known, one of the good ones. The ones who don't stab you, in the back or otherwise.
I've let this go too far, and used space here that would be better taken in my real journal. I hope you don't let your RPing do to you what it's done to me lately.
Believe it or not, I may want Kim back after all this shit I've said. So don't be suprised if I come back in a few weeks, or months, or whatever. Sixteen-year-olds can be fickle sometimes, learn that and remember it.
If you want to keep in touch with me or anything, which I doubt any of you do besides Laur, leave a comment and some kind of screen name, and I'll give you my stuff whenever I get the chance.]