The wonders of technology
I just got off the phone with my angel Kim
God, I needed to hear her voice
it calmed me down and settled my thoughts
soothed my nerves and improved my well being
We talked about this and that, a little of everything
climbing gear, plans for summer, computers
We both needed to hear each other's voices
it was like old times with a new twist
As hard as life is getting for me (I can't fully speak for her, though I know she has her moments where life punched her in the nose)
she's been what's kept me going even when it didn't seem like we were going to stay together, because I always hoped even in the most dire of times that we'ed live our lives together
My moods and actions have been very messed up this last week
I stopped taking my effexor, stoped eating really (I've eaten since and back to normal on that)
not sleeping
Been MANIC for the first time in my life and not just hypo manic
it is great fun sometimes but it's scarey as hell to me too
I can't seem to control my moods anymore than I can control the wind
they come and go as they please, I've been severely manic, severely depressed, and those lovely mixed states as well
I wrote a letter to my doc explaining all of this and I see my councilor on Tuesday
hopefully my letter will be helpfull to them
if nothing else it will help convey the sense of desperation I feel daily
when I talk to either my doc or my councilor I'm stone faced
Detached emotionaly from myself
I discuss my problems rationaly, with a high degree of education on the matters
I act as if I'm the councilor or doc, I seperate myself from the matters that I am there for
I'm an actor and I've been able to keep my poker face in the face of scrutiny
In short, lifes thrown me a curve and beaned me in the head
If it were not for Kim, my angel
I may not be here today, just these last 2 weeks have nearly pushed me over the edge
and that one phone call tonight made it all worth it
thanks baby
I owe you one
God, I needed to hear her voice
it calmed me down and settled my thoughts
soothed my nerves and improved my well being
We talked about this and that, a little of everything
climbing gear, plans for summer, computers
We both needed to hear each other's voices
it was like old times with a new twist
As hard as life is getting for me (I can't fully speak for her, though I know she has her moments where life punched her in the nose)
she's been what's kept me going even when it didn't seem like we were going to stay together, because I always hoped even in the most dire of times that we'ed live our lives together
My moods and actions have been very messed up this last week
I stopped taking my effexor, stoped eating really (I've eaten since and back to normal on that)
not sleeping
Been MANIC for the first time in my life and not just hypo manic
it is great fun sometimes but it's scarey as hell to me too
I can't seem to control my moods anymore than I can control the wind
they come and go as they please, I've been severely manic, severely depressed, and those lovely mixed states as well
I wrote a letter to my doc explaining all of this and I see my councilor on Tuesday
hopefully my letter will be helpfull to them
if nothing else it will help convey the sense of desperation I feel daily
when I talk to either my doc or my councilor I'm stone faced
Detached emotionaly from myself
I discuss my problems rationaly, with a high degree of education on the matters
I act as if I'm the councilor or doc, I seperate myself from the matters that I am there for
I'm an actor and I've been able to keep my poker face in the face of scrutiny
In short, lifes thrown me a curve and beaned me in the head
If it were not for Kim, my angel
I may not be here today, just these last 2 weeks have nearly pushed me over the edge
and that one phone call tonight made it all worth it
thanks baby
I owe you one